We know you'd be with us if heaven wasn't so far away -- Fall 2018

I watched an Gran spoke to everyone, standing up as everyone made their way up to the front to say goodbye to gramps. I looked to Josh, " So we'll head to the cottage..." I said as I smiled at him, attempting to smile. I took his hand tightly as I walked up to the front to say my final goodbyes before we left.

I held onto Sedona's hand as we went in line behind Josh and Ally.  I looked at Dona.  "You're going to go with me still, right?" I asked, figuring that she would want to go since she loved Gramps as much as any of us did.

Elliot Matthews wrote:I looked at Abel and smiled sadly.  "He knew how brave you are... you don't need to go up there to prove anything," I whispered to my brother sadly.

I gave my sister a sad smile and took her hand as everyone stood to say goodbye. We got in line, mum and dad just behind us. "Thanks Elliot." It was all I could say to her without breaking down.

Unable to comprehend what happened to Uncle Remus. I didn't know what to do. I held onto my husband's hand tightly as I was afraid of what I would turn into if I let go. Tears clouding my vision as the girls were with us, as we went up to Uncle Remus. My voice caught in my throat as we were going to say goodbye.

I took Lincoln's hand in mine and stood, following Abel and Elliot to say goodbye to Remus. I knew how hard this was for Lincoln and that he would not cry in front of anyone. I wasn't sure how much longer he could stay like this, or if he even wanted to go up to the casket, but if he didn't or couldn't say goodbye, we didn't have to. "Lincoln, honey, do you feel up to going to the reception?" I asked gently. Whatever his answer was, I would go with it.

I got up to Uncle Remus and looked down at him, tears falling freely and I did not care.  "I'm going to miss you... so much," I said to him.  I wanted to say more, but I could not.  I walked away and waited for Stan.  We were staying close together; we stayed together in everything lately.  I wrapped my arms around myself after wiping away my tears, unsure of what to do.  Of course we were going to end up at the Lupin Cottage.  Maybe we all could make ourselves feel better?  As if.

I walked with Leo up to Uncle Remus.  I went up to say goodbye first.  "Hey... I'm sorry I didn't get up to say anything.  But... you know how much I love you and will miss you," I said, wiping tears away from my eyes.  "You know I will always cherish our memories... thank you so much.  Especially for helping protect Leo with everything."

I did not think that was even a question.  "Yeah, Will and Lucy... they need everyone," I said.  And, in reality, I needed them.  They had become the family I never had.  And then it was my turn to say goodbye one last time.  I walked up and looked down at Remus, looking so peaceful and calm.  I took a deep breath and said, "Thank you... for everything."  That was all I could say.  It was far too little for what he and Chloe had done for me -- they were pretty much my real parents... the mum and dad I never had.

I said my sad goodbye to my daddy, tears rolling down my face.  I left the my dad and then I saw Lincoln standing with Juniper and the kids.  I went to him and, despite knowing he was not one for touching that much, but lately that has not mattered -- especially when I told him what was going on.  He was my brother, too, just as much as Will was.  I put my hand on his shoulder lightly and cautiously.  "How are you holding up?" I asked him, sure his answer would be like mine would be if someone asked me that same thing.

I was finally able to say the things I had not said.  I was so sorry about everything.  Everything I did not say... everything I did say... it was horrible.  I could not believe that my brother was gone.  I, of course, would go to the Lupin cottage... but would I be able to cope with everything?

When people started to disperse slightly, I knew they were going to where Cathie had invite us all to go.  I went over to the kids.  "Are you ready to go to the reception?" I asked, wondering if they would like more time or not.

I sat almost frozen in my seat as I was shaking. I couldn't make myself get up to say my final goodbye. People kept coming up to the front of the hall as they than headed to the cottage. I couldn't pull myself up to say my final goodbye. We were here because of me. If I didn't find him he would still be here. Their kids would still have a father. They lost their mother to my cousin, and now they lost their father because of me. What Have I done? He was my brother. I felt myself not be able to take in any air. I couldn't breathe.

I was the first to get back to the cottage in which Remus had lived for years with his family.  I wanted to make sure to have things around for when everyone would get there.  I had done this for Remus when they all lost Chloe and I would make sure to do this for my son, no matter how hard it was with either one of them.  I started to get plenty of tea around -- something that would hopefully be soothing for the entire family.  A fond memory they all had with Remus -- something Chloe had actually started.  Whenever things got rough, a cup of tea would help smooth things over.

I got to the Lupin cottage with Gran.  I wanted to help her out as much as possible.  "here... let me help," I said, putting out some honey and sugar.  There was no reason for me not to help.  My uncle was a big part in a lot of people's lives... I did not want to be caught unprepared for the family and friends who would be arriving.  Hopefully we could get ti to be a nice time of rememberance rather than everyone crying the whole time.  I knew that was what Gran wanted.

I followed quickly back to the house to help Mum get ready for everyone, though most things were done thanks to some help from Molly; she left early to help get things around.  I gave my mother-in-law a kiss on the cheek while I got things moving out of the kitchen and more into the living area.  We were going to share good stories... I knew it would end with sadness, but I wanted to smile when thinking of Remus and of Chloe.