We know you'd be with us if heaven wasn't so far away -- Fall 2018

I had sat in the silence as everyone was not sure if they wanted to speak. I bit my lip gave Josh's hand a squeeze, I hoped no one would mind if I went into a little story about Gramps. I walked to the front, not entirely sure how to say I wanted to talk. I stood awkwardly at the front as I waited for someone to see me waiting. " Er......." I wanted to smack myself in the face. This was gramps funeral and the only thing that came out of me was uttered sounds. " My Grandpa...." I gave a nervous smile as I noticed a few people notice I was up there.

" Gramps was a caring man.....I remember at school....I don't know if someone uttered his name he would show up...." I smiled as I could feel the tears start to build. " He would tease me a lot...and yet he had this .....aura about him that even if you did something really big. He would let you finish before telling you his advice or opinions. Talking to my parents a bit about the way he used to be. Which his stare was down pat to make you be honest. No matter what Gramps could get a story out of pretty much anyone. ...." I laughed a little as the tears fell freely. " He was a great figure for us to look up too. I remember dad actually saying how much he emulated him and uncle James and Sirius. He told me once...that his life would have been .....been.....incomplete if it weren't for these people in his life that told him they were going to be there no matter what the problem. " I smiled as I spoke about Gramps. When I was younger I asked him about his school days. If it were when I was in school he had enough to deal with I'm sure....We kept him on his toes...." I smiled. " I wouldn't have changed a thing with my relationship with him....going to him and gram....when things got tough.....they always welcomed us with opened arms....Just like he always would..." I said as I walked back to my seat.

I smiled at what Ally had said about our gramps.  I stood up right behind her, walking up.  It was up to us Hufflepuffs to lead the way, I guess.  Who said Gryffindors were the brave ones?  I took a deep breath, which was already shaky with emotion.  "Yeah, Ally kind of said it best -- Gramps was the most caring guy in the world.  But... well, not being officially in the family for a little while and stuff... I kind of expected to be treated differently -- the way Abel and I were always treated, I guess, even though I don't remember everything," I said, looking at my parents and brother.  

Taking another deep breath, I continued, "But that wasn't true.  He just would take everything in stride -- Gramps told me what had happened when they adopted Dad and got him out of the mess he had been in.  Gram just told him the way it was going to be and Gramps was alright with that.  That was the way Gramps was... he knew what it was like to go through a lot... I could always count on going to him if Abel was being too protective... or if... well, if my other side of the family did things," I said, wrapping my arms around me.  "I - and I know everyone here today - is going to miss that most about him.  Non-judging, always ready to listen with a cup of tea at the ready..."  I could not continue and walked back to my seat quickly, not wanting to burst into tears in the front.

I watched as two of my great-granddaughters had stood up and spoke about Remus.  I smiled a little bit despite the grief, and held onto Percy's hand -- who had never left my side despite me telling him to go to Penny.  It had to be under his wife's orders, though.

I gave James his space when he wanted to say goodbye to Remus. Tears in my eyes as I watched as everyone said there goodbyes. I had death happen all around me, when it hit me I didn't know what to do with myself. I help people all the time. I don't know where or what to do. Wiping my eyes as Ally and Elliot spoke about Remus. I stood up, I could finish this right. Well, I hoped anyway.

Walking up to the front of the room, " We all knew Remus in some way or another. When we were younger, he listened to James and I talk about each other. Of course on very different lengths. He didn't seem to mind it all. Whether it be James asking him for help on how to talk to me..or me asking him to get James to stop for a minute...." I paused to smile a bit. " He always listened to the bantering....he was my partner on most school assignments because I'd be avoiding James. He would always be around for a helping hand no matter what the case. He was more than a friend ...he was family. He was at weddings, when his grandkids and nieces and nephews were born. He was there for the good and the bad times...we'll miss you..." I said to the picture of Remus. It was no where near the speech I wanted it to be but I shouldn't have to say something.

I was numb.  I could nto believe that Granpda was gone.  He was the one person who helped me get through my first few days of being bitten.  I watched as people stood and spoke.  What if my curse overtook me the way his did?  I was so frightened by that fact.  The strongest man I knew lost his battle...

I had tears falling down my cheeks at the things that everyone spoke of up there about one of the best guys in the world.  And all I could do was sit here feeling guilty.  I never apologized... never told him that I never meant those things that I said... the last year of my best mate's life... he believed that I hated him.  And now it was too late.  I wiped at my eyes and felt someone squeeze my hand, looking over I saw that it was my baby girl.  Lyla had moved to sit next to me when her mum went up to speak about Remus.  I put my arm around her shoulder to get her closer to me and to help comfort her as much as it helped myself.

Elliot came back to sit with us and I wrapped my arms around her. "That was beautiful." I told her softly. "I wish I was brave enough to go up there." Gramps and Gram had been there for us through everything, just like Elliot said. I would missing being able to go to him if I wanted to talk to someone other than mum and dad. I felt a tear roll bow my cheek and brushed it away. I didn't want anyone to see me cry. I listened to everyone share their memories about him and realized how many lives he had touched.

I looked at Abel and smiled sadly.  "He knew how brave you are... you don't need to go up there to prove anything," I whispered to my brother sadly.

I looked over at my daughter and smiled sadly at her, her speech was amazing and I was touched by it. I took a deep breath and stood up, I had to say something. I walked to the front and bit my lip slightly wondering where to start. "I never got a chance to thank the Lupins." I began, "for what they did for Lincoln. Remus meant and always will mean a lot to Lincoln, our children and I. Without them, I'm not sure if we would be here today. I know he will be missed by everyone. He was an amazing man and I will never be able to thank him and his wife enough for what they did for my husband. I don't think he would be the same man he is today without Remus." I felt the tears coming and the last thing I needed was for everyone to see me cry so I looked down and walked back to my seat.

I felt tears coming out of my eyes and I did not even care.  How could I be strong without Gramps?  He... he helped me so much.  But I could not go up there and tell everyone how he has helped me... not everyone knew what I was.  I wanted to, so badly, but I would speak to him on my own.

I was sitting next to Leo and I held onto his hand tightly.  It was cold -- as always -- but I did not let go.  I never did.  His coldness hardly bothered me.  I wiped at my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder.  I wanted to say something, but I could not go up there and say anything.

When Elliot stood and spoke about our little family, it did not hit me as much as when Juniper spoke.  I had my hands folded on the pew in front of me, leaning forward slightly, but when she finished speaking I put my face on my hands.  I closed my eyes and I kept the tears at bay; I did not and would not cry in front of people.  It was just something I did not do.  But it was a struggle... there was a reason I was not getting up there to speak about the man who became a father to me -- I did not speak at Chloe's either.  I just did not want to break down in front of everyone.  And how could you ever thank someone who saved your life?

As difficult as it was, I stood up and went to the front before anyone else could speak.  "Thank you all for coming and speaking about my son and the way he has affected your lives and those around you," I said, my voice surprisingly strong.  I took a deep breath and continued onward.  "No parent should have to outlive their children -- even though Remus was not my biological son, he was my son nonetheless.  I-I would like to ask you all to remember Remus for his strengths and goodness -- the laughter and joy he spread, his kind words of advice... not for the other side of him that, in the end, took over.  It was not out of weakness that the wolf won... but sometimes, when you fight for so long and are strong for so long..." I wiped at my eyes, having a hard time continuing.  "Sometimes you just wear thin down to the core and you can't fight anymore.  But it was not weakness in my son." 

I took another deep breath.  "We will be leaving with him to be laid down next to his dear wife, Chloe... and then the reception afterwards at the Lupin Cottage so we can all continue telling stories and remembering and celebrating Remus's life," I said, wanting everyone to know that the invitation was open for them to join at the cottage.  The more people who came, the better.

I watched Grandma up there speaking and nearly as a whole, everyone started to get up.  Most everyone started to go up to line up to the casket to say their final goodbye before we would take lay him to rest next to Aunt Chloe and I was one of them.

I put my hand on Parker's shoulder.  "Are you alright, sweetie?" I asked him, wanting to be supportive.  His uncle had just passed away.