Our Little Secret -- May 1975

"Remus," I whispered, pulling on his arm. I felt his temperature rising through his shirt and, though I had no idea what it meant, it was probably not a good sign. "Remus... we need to leave. Remus? Can you hear me?" I asked. I stepped in front of him and saw something different in his eyes. I couldnt' help but look up to the sky... it was not a full moon. So what was this? Was he able to morph into a wolf without a moon? I was starting to get a little frightened. "Moony," I tried, thinking that the guys called him that so maybe it helped calm him down. "Moony... let's just walk away. You don't need to prove anything. She isn't worth your time."

I was shaking. I could hear Ember, but couldn't tell her to get away from me. I wasn't sure what was going ot happen. I took deep breaths and closed my eyes. I needed to calm down... but all I could hear was the wolf...

Remus... unleash me... I can take care of all of your problems... you know you want to get rid of the one who hurt you. I can do that for you... c'mon, buddy... you know you can't tame me. Just let me out... I can help you finish her!

"No," I said quietly to the wolf. "I can't let you do that...." I opened my eyes and felt the shaking stop. I looked at Ember. "Sorry... my other half was -- er -- talking to me."

After I had slapped my son and walked away, I felt tears come to my eyes.  I loved Randy... but I knew John was the one who always had my heart.  Remus looked so much like his father.  I heard the girl speak to Remus and I felt so much pain.  I kept walking away.  That was my old life.  I wanted a normal one, right?  I wanted nothing more to do with the Wizarding world because of all the darkness... especially what was breeding within my son.  But he seemed so... normal.  Even with his disease.  I stopped walking and looked back, seeing the girl and my son turning away. 

I turned around and walked quickly back to Remus and the girl.  "Remus," I said quietly, hoping he would hear me.  "Please... wait.  I'm sorry, son."

I stared at Remus, worried.  I was relieved when he spoke to me rather than his furry little problem.  I kept a hand on his arm when his mother turned around.  I glared at her.  "No, you have no right to even speak to him," I snapped at her, unable to keep my mouth shut.  I stepped in front of him protectively; I knew, however, that he needed it not.

I was surprised that Ember stood up in front of me.  I put a hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off as she was ranting at my mother.  I saw that my mother look at me and then back at Ember.  I was impressed that Ems was taking on the woman in front of me.  She looked shocked at Ember's spunk.

I stared at the girl who stepped in front of Remus.  "I don't htink it is your decision, young lady," I said to her.  She seemed to be about the same age as Remus -- and Katie, my new husband's daughter.  I was not going to yell and make a scene... not more than I already did.  But I wanted to speak with Remus.  I was full of emotions.  I should not have said thos ethings... should not have slapped him.

I laughed in her face.  "No, it's not my decision... but the second you hit him, I decided to take it into my own hands.  I understand why remus would have a soft spot for you because you are his mother after all.  But I will not let him stay here and be ridiculed," I said to her, glaring.  I had never really yelled at an adult like this before.

I put a hand on Ember's shoulder.  That was enough from both of them.  "Enough," I said in my quiet voice that I used whenever I spoke with srius and James when they got too carried away with pranking.  "Ember is right, Mother; I do have a soft spot for you.  I never gave you closure when I ran away and then Dad followed... but I do not deserve to be treated like scum by you.  You are treating me no better than anyone else who found out or even questioned what I was."

I took a deep breath.  I could feel the confusion radiating from Ember as they always thought she took off and abandoned us.  It was really the other way around.

I stared at him.  "I'm sorry, that's what I'm trying to say to you, remus," I said to him.  "But go.  Just go if you think I have ever viewed as the monster you have always thought you were or like scum like the rest of hte world views werewolves."

I was proud of Remus for stanidng up to his mum, but I was a bit confused.  I would deal with that when this was finished.  I held onto Remus's hand and squeezed it to reassure him he had support.  "Remus," I said to him quietly, unsure of what he wanted to do.

I was glad that Ember was there with me.  I looked at my mother and sighed.  "You know that was not the reason we disappeared," I said to her in a barely audible whisper.

I shook my head.  "You and your father always thought I needed protecting," I said, sighing.  "But it was the two of you who needed protecting from yourselves and your own daft ideas of what would or would not make things easier."  My words came out harsher than I intended, but it was true.  "I think it wise for you to just leave now, Remus."

I wanted to smack her for Remus's sake, but I took a deep breath, holding onto his hand tightly.  I was not sure which one of us was holding the other back because Remus looked rather upset, too.  But only if one knew how to read him.  "Look, Remus and his dad are brilliant.  Everyone has daft ideas sometimes," I started, raising my voice.  "But you are a bloody muggle!  Of course you needed some protection!  No matter what, being a Muggle in the magic world there is always risk... that's just the way it goes!  And for you to not bloody realize that..."

I only stopped my ranting because Remus gripped my hand a bit tighter and I realized that we were getting stared at.

As much as I loved hearing Ember shout at my mother, she was being overheard by some rather confused, yet intrigued Muggles at the wedding.  I squeezed her hand a bit and she settled down.  I looked at my mother.  "I believe the point has been made from both parties here," I said sadly.  I started to turn away and then stopped.  "I'm walking away.  From everything... right now.  Don't ever try to open this door again."  

With a deep breath, I finished turning around and got Ember to follow me.  I felt an overwhelming sadness well in my chest, but I fought it away.  I had gone five years without Mum... clearly she moved on.  I did not need her in my life if this was the way she was goign to act towards me.

I glared at him.  "Go, then," I said to him.  A fifteen year old was not going to give me an ultimatum.