If I were brave enough to ask you to stay -- Late Summer 2016

I had been in my own little flat from having moved out the past few months or so from the separation that myself and Draco's father were trying to figure out how to fix.  Divorce was never an option for the Malfoy's either, apparently.  I heard an owl tapping at my window and let it in; I recognized it instantly as my husband's.  I read the note and quickly went over to the Manor.  "Draco?" I called out, stepping from the fireplace.  I was rather intrigued as to why he was sending word for me... unless... unless Logan-Black finally left him.  I knew it was inevitable -- Draco was too dark a person for little miss sunshine.  I despised her.

I walked into the family room and saw Pansy standing there, trying not to look as confused as I was sure that she felt.  I took a deep breath and made my face a mask like I was so used to doing.  I was not entirely sure what I was going to do.  Did I need to say something to her?  Did I just want someone to hold in my arms, and since I did not have Addie, Pansy would have to do?  I was not entirely sure.  I did not realize I had decided what to do until my hands were on either side of Pansy's face and my lips were pressed against hers.  Apparently I just wanted human companionship and Pansy was the best that I could have.  To be honest, someone like her was really what I deserved.  I did not deserve real love by any means.  I pulled away from her and let my hands drop.  "My apologies," I offered for my abruptness, using the language that my father had drilled into my brain.

I had been surprised by his actions, hence why he did not get the warmest of welcomes from me.  I shook my head at him and said, "Don't be..."  I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him passionately.  Oh, how I had missed my Draco!  I knew that he was only doing this because he was feeling lonely and no longer had his little slut around.  I did not care how I got him back, I just cared that I had him in my arms tonight.  I pushed him up against the wall and realized that we had not enjoyed such passion as this in quite some time -- despite my willingness and eagerness to merely please the man I loved.

I should have known that Pansy would not have cared in the least.  She always had been devoted to me; I should be happy with that.  But I did not want devoted, I wanted love.  There was a difference.  But devoted would have to do for now seeings that I cannot have love.  We held onto each other and ended upstairs in bed.  To be honest, it was probably one of the best times I could remember with Pansy.  I slipped into my boxers and went to the bathroom and splashed water on my face.  I looked at myself in the mirror and could hardly recognize the man that I had become.  What would one expect, though, living life the way I had to?  I sighed and returned to our bedroom and saw Pansy slipping into a silk dressing gown.  I smiled at her; she really was beautiful.  With Addison and I having ended it, I thought it was time to truly try to work on mine and Pansy's relationship -- the way it was from the time the kids had been born to when we lost Keegan really were good years.  I almost thought that I loved her.  

Then I found out what I did and, well, that changed things.  I just took me years to finally get fed up with the way she was acting with just having the last name Malfoy -- like it made her royalty or something.  But why could she not be my queen?  She clearly thought that I was her king... perhaps it was time to start acting like a husband again.  Perhaps to even start acting like the man I had always intended to be.

I looked up from tying my dressing gown at the waist to cover myself and saw that Draco was smiling at me.  I could not help but blush a little bit.  "Draco... stop it," I said, a smile coming onto my lips as I looked away.  I stood up and walked over to him.  "Are you arlight, my love?"  I wanted to make sure he was okay.  I knew that he had cheated on me, but we were separated.  I did not want to see my Draco in any pain.  I wished that things could be different for us, perhaps with the smile playing at his lips it meant that the time was changing for us.  I was not entirely sure, though.  I put my arms around him and he kissed lightly on the lips.  I stared at him with concern.  I truly loved him and only wished that one day he would feel that same way.

I pulled away from her and moved out of her reach.  I did not want to hurt her, but I also could not stay wrapped in her arms.  I felt completely worthless.  What was I doing?  Pansy clearly loved me and what was I going about doing?  I was sleeping with Addison... I sighed and ran a hand through my hair and looked back towards my wife.  Pushing down my feelings for the other woman -- I had to call her that to keep from driving myself mental -- I nodded my head.  "Everything is just fine, Pansy," I assured her.  I walked back over to her and put my hands on her shoulders.  "I think it is time for us to put the pieces back together..."

I was so surprised to hear him say those words.  It was extremely difficult to read him, though.  But those were the words I had wanted to hear for quite some time now.  I grinned at him and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a hug.  "Oh, Draco... that sounds positively lovely," I told him, my head on his chest.

"I'm sure that Ian will be pleased," I told her.  Even though he was good at hiding what he felt, I had been just like him so many years ago -- and even still.  I could read him.  I knew everything bothered him despite what he showed people.  I kissed her forehead.  "I believe we should probably dress, dear."  I would try for this.  I would try to find the feelings I once had with Pansy years previous.

I slowly slipped back into my dress and high heels.  One did have to look their best when they were a Malfoy.  "When is Ian due to be home?  I would like to see him before he heads back to Hogwarts for his last year," I said, pulling my hair out from underneath the straps of the dress.

I nodded, buttoning my shirt.  "In time for supper," I answered, wondering if we would get past the awkward stage again.  I put my hand on hers.  "You don't have to act like you're walking on eggshells around me, Pansy.  That's where our problems came from was us not being able to act ourselves."

I could not help but chuckle slightly.  "I apologize, Draco.  I just know that you must be having a hard time, though... with what I'm sure has happened.  Why else would you send for me?" I asked sadly, putting a hand on his shoulder.  "Just know that I have always loved you.  And I'm here for you, sweetie."

The look on Pansy's face told me that she was being completely honest and candid.  I walked over to her and gave her another kiss.  "I know, Pansy, I know.  I'm sorry that it came about this way... but it is for the best, don't you think?  We can give it another go..." I smiled at her softly.

I was sure that it took a lot for Draco to say something like that.  "Of course I think it is.  But then again, that's coming from someone who says they love you and always have," I pointed out.  "And I'm grateful that you want to work on our marriage... so don't apologize for the way that it came about.  Neither one of us are perfect.  There are still thing that I am working on that I know you have problems with... so I'm not going to flat out tell you that I've changed, either."  We had to get everything out into the open.  I was trying to become a nicer person -- though that was extremely difficult.  I truly was a Slytherin through and through.

I really had not expected Pansy to change.  She was a pretty perfect version of what she was.  I smiled at her, a little sadly.  "I know," I said quietly.  "There was a time we were happy.  We can get back to that."  I would try my hardest to get back to that ayways.

Happy... that was all he thought we were?  Never in love, only happy.  "Yes, we can find our way to that again," I agreed.  And perhaps we could even possibly fall back in love with each other -- well, he could actually fall in love with me anyways.