If I told you I loved you would it make you want to stay? -- Late Fall 2016

Dean and I had decided to try a separation.  I still loved him so much... I could not believe I did this to him.  What had I been thinking?  I wanted to stay together so badly.  I had no idea what to do.  He seemed so distant; more than before, anyways.  I had told him I would get him to fall back in love with me and to trust me.  I made some of Dean's favorite cookies and went to our old house.  I knocked on the door, waiting.  I hoped he would not mind me just stopping by.

I was in th emiddle of getting around to go to St. Mungo's.  I really needed to go.  Aunt Lily had told me the risks of this procedure... but I had to do it.  I needed to do this.  I could walk again... or I would be completely paralyzed and lose everything I have accopmlished in eight years.  Only Aunt Lily knew about thsi, and I had asked her to keep it that way.  I wheeled tot he door and opened it.  I was a little perturbed that it was Addison.  She did look quite beautiful.  "Addie," I said, knowing that I could not tell her why I had to avoid her today.  I was hhaving such a hard time dealing with it all.  I was so angry at her -- more in the beginning.  I thought that she was a completely different person.  It turned out that she was still Addison, just lost and confused.  I just could not bring myself to trust her.  I still loved her... I was just so deeply hurt.  And then Aunt Lily told me of this and I had stopped trying with mending our relationship.  "I have to go to St. Mungo's," I said to her, hoping that she had not expected to be having me all to herself.  She should not have surprised me like this.  The thought was nice, but the timing was off.

My smile faultered slightly.  "Is it physical therapy?  I could go with you... keep you company like I've done in the past," I offered, glad that he let me come in.  I set the cookies down on the counter as I saw a bag full o fDean's clothes.  I raised my eyebrows at him.  "Waht's that?" I inquired.

I had packed a small bag of things to help me while at St. Mungo's.  it would be an interesting recovery... I would have to stay there for a couple of months.  I wanted to make sure I was somewhat comfortable because of that.  Then hopefully mor ephysical thereapy to help me walk again -- or a psych ward to help me deal with the loss of complete function.  It would still be a long road ahead of me even if they fixed what the problem was.  I shook my head.  "No Addi, you can't come," I said quietly.  "I appreciate you coming over and even bringing some snickerdoodles.  but I have to go.  I have an appointment that I really need to get there on time."  I did feel horrid for laking on her, I really did.

I nodded and bit my lip.  "Okay... I understand.  Let me know how it all goes," I said, trying to act like there was no big deal.  I smiled as I headed toward the door.  I really hped that I was okay with him.  I wanted to be with him so badly, but I hoped that giving him some space would help with everything.

I grabbed the bag and put it in my lap while wheeling towards the door behind Addison.  I grabbed my cloak.  "I will let you know," I told her honestly.  I smiled at her, hating that I had such mixed feelings towards her.  We both left and I went to St. Mungo's.  I was so glad that the pre-op things went smoothly.  I was soon laying on a table being put under.  When I woke up, the specialist was sitting in a chair gazing at me.  I blinked at him and wished instantly that Aunt LIly was there or had told someone.  I wanted to see a familiar face. 

"How are you feeling, mr. Black?" Healer Oswald questioned me.  He was giving me such a piercing gaze, it was slightly unnerving.

"I'm disoriented... I wish I could see someone I cared about.  No offense," I added quickly, running a hand through my hair and laughing nervously.  I was really quite groggy, still.

The healer nodded at me.  "Taht's to be expected," he said, smiling at me.  "There is someone out there for you, Mr. Black.  But I need to ask a few questions, first.  Do you feel any pain?  Such as the burning you constantly felt before.  How are your other body parts?  The ones that were normal.  And the most imporant... can you wiggle your toes?" he asked me, a smile playing at his lips.

I shook my head.  "No burning... the rest of me is fine -- except feelign heavy due to being knocked out.  And... I can.  I really can."  I said said with a grin.  "But I was starting to get those feelings back.  You know that.  I was sort of able to hobble with crutches when I put my mind to it before."  I did not want to get my hopes up.  I looked at him and wondered what he was going to say next.

The specialist nodded.  "I know.  But there's no pain, everything else feels fine, and you can move your toes without a problem.  You have to elt the incision heal.  But we may be ablet o get you moving around sooner than you may think.  I'd say that we did it, Mr. Black."  He smiled at me and went to the door.  "Would you ulike me to let the young lady in?"

I nodded, still trying to be guarded.  "Yes, please," I said politely.  "Wait... did you get the other results back yet?"

The specialist shook his head.  "It'll be tomorrow morning when I get everything analyzed from the MRI comparison and everythign else.  I'll let you enjoy company," He said, moving out of th eroom.  I was quite surprised to see Addison take his spot in the doorway.  "Addie... why are you here?  How'd you find out?" I inquired.  What happened to me while in surgery for her to find out?

I walked in and closed the door. I moved towards his bed and sat down.  "there were papers and an appointment in the kitchen.  I forgot my purse when I set the cookies down.  I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have snooped, but it caught my eye.  so I came right here to try to give you support beforehand, but you were already in surgery.  So I stayed," I explained, having a hard time judging if he was angry or not.  I had called into work so I could be here for the entire time in case something happened.

I could not believe that Addie had done that for me.  I smiled at her -- a genuine smile.  "I don't know what to say," I told her honestly.  "I really am glad someone familiar is here.  I instantly regretted not telling anyone about thsi when I woke up."  I could not believe that after everything, Addison was still there for me... like she's always been.  Up until recently.  That cloud never let me forget what she did.

I smiled at him.  "I think Lily may have told your family... when I came in, I saw some familiar faces coming up from the lift," I said.  I was sure they would want to come in and visit him.  "Would you like me to let them in?  I can leave if you'd prefer," I said quietly.

I felt my eyes get a little heavier.  "You guys are all fine... but I'm still quite groggy," I said to her.  "You are more than welcome to stay -- all of you.  But I think I need sleep and rest..."  I leaned back in the bed, more comfortable than I have been in eight years.  I believed I could actually sleep well.

I nodded and moved back towards the door.  "I'll let them know.  And Dean, I don't care if this is out of line... but Dean, I love you," I said softly.  I had been so afraid that we would losehim during such a risky procedure.

I did not even acknowledge her.  I did not want to hear it.  I was grateful that she was able to come and have the others come.  I let my eyes close and I hoped that if anyone came in, they would just let me rest.