Did You Ever Tell? -- November 1979

I smiled at Sirius. "Nothings wrong.... but there is something I'd like to tell you," I responded.

I nodded " Alright sounds good." Sitting back down looking at her. She looked worried. She always had this thing where she would prepare me for something awful but it normally doesn't seem that bad. " you sure you're alright?"

I laughed. "Yeah, it's just... well, I lied to you," I said openly, putting some things in the cupboard. "About my first kiss & stuff." I knew it wasn't going to be a bad thing.. but with it being with Remus I had no idea how SIrius was going to take it.

I nodded, " Okay...." I mean, I was wanting to know who it was of course. Find out if Im a better kisser. " What is the and stuff?" I asked I couldn't help but want to know. I looked to her and she was putting things away. " Can you sit down please?" I asked. If you're going to tell me you lied to me. Sit down and talk to me, I mean it isn't anything really big at least. But I enjoy eye contact.

I laughed again. "Oh, sorry," I said, siting down. "The and stuff isn't anything major. I was like thirteen so nothing major was going to happen." I wasn't like some people I knew. "In case it hasn't been obvious, that boy RIley wasn't my first kiss like I said. And you know that scar on my thigh? I didn't fall out of a tree. I was hurt in the aftermath of one of my first dates." I sighed, remembering the look on Remus's dad's face when he walked in to see me bleeding. "You do know my first, though... and that's also how I knew that a certain somebody was really nervous of doing more than just a simple kiss..."

I nodded, " Go on....." I had a feeling I knew where this was going. But I wanted her to continue so my thoughts could be finished. I wanted to know but it couldn't ......who I thoguht it was.

I sighed. "Well, I'm pretty sure you already know who it would be," I said. "James has no idea so please don't tell him... but it was Remus. It was during one summer... it was an interesting summer. I bet you could probably remember a summer where Remus was vague and James couldn't find me to pick on me?" I said with a smile.

Oh, it was Remus....that means he's lied to me too. I mean, it didn't really bother me it was Remus...It just bothered me that I didn't get told the truth from the start. " So, why are you telling me this now?" I asked her. Again I wasn't raving mad or anything I was just hurt that they both had kept it. Thinking I would blow up or something....like I said it doesn't bother me that they kissed. It just bothers me because they kept it hidden. I ran a hand through my hair, " Why did it take you so long?"

I shrugged. "Hmm... I don't know... let's see. I'm overly protected by two other guys in my life -- you and James. I'm pretty sure I thought you'd kill Remus and just hate me," I said, not sure why I was getting touchy about it. Maybe I had wanted him to get mad rather than... this depressed look he had gotten. "I mean... honestly! I had to keep it hidden and so did Remus. We knew what we were risking: his friendship with you two and my relationship with my brother and whatever the hell we had back then. A little schoolyard crush on you I suppose. I loved all three of you. I knew what it could've done to your friendship and so did Remus. And now that we're all grownups we figured you and Chloe had the right to know." I sighed and shook my head. Why did I get so upset just then? "Look, being in a serious relationship means telling the 'darkest of secrets' about ourselves. Not that this is a dark secret, but it's something that couldn't be said before."

" It couldn't have been said before....you really think I would hold a grudge against the two of you.....really Ember..." i said with a look of disbelief. " Remember you didn't tell us by choice...." I said running a hand through my hair. I wasn't mad, but the way she was snapping at me made me snap back. I sighed, " no I'm not as ridiculous as you both seem to think. " I said as I got a cup of coffee. Looking back to her, " I wouldn't have cared if you told me than...." I told her. " I just want to know why you think you have to hide things and tip toe. " I said, " yes being in a serious relationship is telling secrets...." I nodded, " Just ones you'd think the other doesn't know already not by your decision."

"Like I said, we only tip-toed because of the way James would have -- probably still would -- react. And I had no idea how you would react back then... and Remus was just so happy he had the two of you back then. You made his life soooo much better," I said, trying to keep my voice level. "Look, if I'd have known that it would be as big a deal as it is... I don't know..." I sighed, running my hand through my hair and turning away from him to look out the window.

" Don't know what Em?" I said walking over to her, " Took it to the grave?" I was hurt, my best friend and my wife have both lied to me for so long. " I'll be back...." I told her, I needed to cool off, going flying. I grabbed my cloak and off I went, into the garage and jumped on my bike and revved it to life.

I sighed and walked over to the door but didn't open it after it had slammed shut.  "Fine, go," I muttered, walking away.  "Run away when things don't go your way..."  Men.  It really didn't seem like an issue now... it was so long ago.  I walked back to the kitchen and looked out the window across the lawn and sighed again.  It seemed like a lifetime ago after everything that has happened.  So why was Sirius acting like this?  I understood feeling betrayed because I had lied to him... but he wasn't acting like an adult about it at all.  I went back to putting things away from the store.  I just hoped that Remus was having better luck... if not, then maybe we'd need to run off together.  I chuckled at the joke I made, glad Sirius couldn't read minds because then he'd misinterpret what I was thinking.

Chloe Murdock wrote:I heard him. "In the kitchen love!" I said loudly. I was just thinking on some food, " What's up?" I asked him. He looked like something was on his mind. " What's wrong?" I asked as I walked over to him wrapping my arms around him.

I hugged her and kissed her forehead. "ALright... well, I feel really bad about never saying something before, but Em and I had agreed never to tell. But seeings as we're all grown up and everything, there's no reason to hide it anymore," I said. I took a step back so I could see her face better. "Ember and I used to date a long time ago... we were both each other's first relationship, kiss, hand holding... we never did anything else," I added quickly. "But we had kept it a secret due to James mostly and just never thought to mention anything until we ran into each other today and for some reason we started talking about it. So it was a mutual decision to say something and I just want to apologize for never mentioning anything before... but it wasn't just my decision either." I started to hold my breath to prepare myself for the anger that was sure to come.

I had my mouth open for a brief moment, " To be honest I kind of figured something like this would have happened." I said with a shrug. " Am I a little hurt it took you both so long to tell us....yeah, admittedly I am...I am glad you telling me. But why wouldn't you say something earlier?" I asked him. If it was a mutual decision kind of thing. " Other than James I mean..." I asked him, I looked at his face to see him. I don't know when I eally talk to someone it was just my way of reading them I guess. Smiling, " I'm glad you told me though even when it took so long...should you feel bad....a little not really trusting us to be grown up about it...thinking that we are to immature to handle it..." I said. Was I super mad or something, no of course not. I was hurt though. I wouldn't be holding on this for long though. I started to take pans out and put them on the stove. " How's this...dinner on you?" I asked him with a smirk. " while I go read?" I added to him. I didn't know at this time if I was able to read but I would go and try to ignore being told a week or so before Valentine's Day. I always have a big thing here for the group of us in day time so we can all do couple things after.