I got a picture of you, I carry in my heart -- 15 December 1998

I nodded at Juniper when she left.  I doubted we would need her help, but then Draco vomited and stood up.  He was much too weak for that and there was nothing I could do to stop him, though.  "Draco... please, don't over do it," I said, knowing that he would not listen to me.  at least the twins had finally quieted down again.

I took a deep breath and slowly let it out, pushing down all the emotion that had been so close to the surface.  "I never knew it was him," I said to her simply.  That was going to be all she got out of me about what happened.  There was nothing to be done about it now, so why should she worry about it?  "It wasn't your fault.  You have no reason to apologize, June.  I'm fine."  I really was not, but I was so used to saying things like that.

I walked over to where he was and leaned against the wall next to him. I took a shaky breath. "So he did hurt you." I shook my head slightly, although I was angry with Father for doing that, it didn't really surprise me that much. "I do have to apologize. I'm suppose to protect you from my family, that's why you never met my parents before. But he already hurt you. I failed." I sighed and hung my head, I could never do anything right when it came to Lincoln and he had gotten hurt, by my Father. I narrowed my eyes slightly, "I can't believe he did that. He had no right." I had no idea what had happened to cause my Father to use the hybrid curse on him but no matter what, he didn't deserve it, he wasn't part of our family. No one deserved Father punishments except me. I turned to him, "And I know you're just as 'fine' as I am."

"I'm going to talk to the Healers," I lied.  "Tell them no more visitors allowed up here..."  I took a few more deep breaths and readied myself to have to stop with Juniper adn Lincoln, though I hoped that I could leave and go the opposite direction without them noticing.  I just wanted my drink.  That was the only thing on my mind right now.  I opened the door and glanced out, seeing June and Lincoln.  I walked out and went the opposite direction and stopped once I was around the bend of the corner.  I leaned against the wall and ended up pulling out my flask.  I took a long drink from it and let the slight burn of the firewhiskey course through me before being able to breath normally.  I knew that this was not going to be good, but I needed this.

I looked down at Juniper.  "June, it happened when I was seven.  It's not like you even knew of anything at that time, anyways," I said, a little more harsh than I meant to.  I sighed and shook my head.  "There's no use fretting about it now... it's not your fault, so don't even try to take the blame on this one.  I know how you are and this one is on my parents, not you," I added in softer tones.  And that was going to be the only thing I would say about this.  I heard the door to the room open up and saw Draco walk -- well, more like stumble in a manner of speaking -- down the hall the opposite direction.  I looked back at Juniper and smiled slightly at her, wanting to not sound like a jerk like I had before.  "Don't worry about me.  I'm really fine, honest.  I've handled this type of stuff on a regular basis... well, I used to anyways."  At least up until my sixth year thanks to the Lupins.

<< so just let me know if you don't want June to find out about his drinking yet and I will edit it. June just didn't want him to get hurt. >>

I was happy I didn't have to force the flinch that wanted to come away, it never really came. I guess I was just so used to being talked to more harshly then this, it didn't really phase me. "It's also on my Father." I pointed out. I sighed, "You may have handled this sort of thing before but you got away from it for a reason. You didn't deserve it, no one does." I was starting to believe that maybe I didn't as well but that was another topic for another time.

I turned to the door when I heard it open and saw Draco come out and stumble in the opposite direction and around the corner. "Draco." I tried to get him to stop but he wasn't listening to me. I grunted in frustration and grabbed Lincoln's hand, figuring I may need him to help me get Draco back into the room. I led him down the hall that Draco went down as I spoke. "Draco, you are going to hurt yourself. You need to go back into to he room and...."I stopped dead in my tracks as I actually turned the corner and saw Draco with a flask in his hand. It took me just a moment to recover. "Draco what's in that?" I knew even if he answered me it would probably be a lie so I grabbed it before he could do anything and took a few steps away so he couldn't get it back. I sniffed the top of the flask to see if that would help me decipher the contents but when that did nothing to help, I took a sip. I almost choked on the fiery liquid but forced it down before I coughed a few time. Once I had recovered, I turned a hard gaze at my twin. I was already mad that Father had been here and that he had hurt Lincoln so I turned my anger towards my twin. "Firewhiskey, really Draco? At the hospital?" I walked back over and yanked the lid from the flask out of his hands. "You don't need this right now."

<< Nope, perfect timing!  I was thinking that June could help him realize that drinking won't help the twins because this is going to be the start of Draco becoming sober... until he falls off the wagon in the future  >>

It took me a moment to realize that my sister just ripped the flask out of my hand.  I could not deal with her on top of Father and everything else that this day had turned into.  We were never to have a good day, were we?  I blinked, trying not to get angry with Juniper's tone towards me.  I looked at my twin and sighed.  "You don't know what I need," I spat at her, just matching her tone despite not wanting to.  "That is the only thing that has kept me going for the past yer and a half."  I wanted to reach for it, but knew that I was no match for my sister right now.  I was leaning against the wall for nearly all of my support.

I let Juniper drag me to follow Draco.  I had no idea what was going to happen between the two of them, but there was no way I was going to leave them alone even if it seemed like they were going to argue.  I felt like June would need the backup and Draco would need me to pick him up off the floor.

As Draco spoke, I put the lid on his flask. I couldn't believe what he was saying. My eyes narrowed as I looked at him. "So I don't know what you need but you know what I need?" I shot back as I put his flask under my arm and took my dragon pendant off my neck. "A year and a half!? I haven't had the cure in a year and a half! And it was what got me through everything after my attack!" I took a few deep breaths, a failed attempt to calm myself down. "You have absolutely no idea how many times I wanted to take this over the last year and a half." I said, deadly calm. "After you finished your task, after you resisted, when we were getting out Marks. I wanted to take this potion more then you could ever know, but I didn't. And that was because of you." I looked down at my dragon pendent and unstoppered it. I looked back up at him. "But if you want to have your drinks, then I can have this." I wasn't sure if I would actually take the cure but I did want to sooth my memories, and I was angry with myself. I had known something was up with Draco since he resisted the Mark after completing his task but he had never talked about it and I didn't bring it up very often. I should've been more persistent, more stubborn. I should've made him tell me what was going on, but I didn't. This was all my fault.

I did not need her attitude!  I stood up to my full height, which made me want to get sick, and glared right back into my sister's face.  "No one was stopping you from taking that, Juniper," I said darkly, reminding me so much of the man that I loathed.  The man I vowed I would never become.  "Do whatever you want.  I am not your father; I don't know when you started listening to me in the first place.  I said you'd help prevent me from becoming him... well, sometimes I think you're helping me become him by the way you listen to me..."

I put myself between the two of them, taking both the flask and the pendant.  I looked between the two of them.  "That's enough," I said.  I was not shouting, there was no need.  They heard me quite clearly.  "Juniper, leave.  Go check on Pansy or something.  You need to calm down..."  I turned back to Draco.  "You need to calm down, too, Draco.  I understand more than you may realize about all of this.  Neither one of these things will help either one of you."  I wanted to keep the peace, but I had a feeling that if I asked Draco to do anything other than stand there and calm down that he would pass out on me.

<<Oooh! Lincoln just pulled out his 'dad' pants >>

I wanted to hit Lincoln, but it was taking all of my strength to stay how I was and keep glaring at my sister.  I was not going to be the one to give in.  I felt miserable, but I knew that something had to be done... had to be said.  I wanted to be left alone and when it came to Juniper, it meant that I had to be cruel because she was so stubborn adn would not have let me be.  But now there was Lincoln.  We had an understanding but that did not mean that I could not hit him if I wanted to.

<< I love it! I can't wait to see what he's like with Abel and Elliot! >>

"My pendant!" I cried when he took it away. It was probably for the best though, I was actually considering taking it. Putting that thought to the back of my mind, I was almost going to listen to Lincoln when I saw Draco get the slight look in his eyes like he wanted to hit him. I knew he wouldn't be able to do much harm in his current state but I couldn't let Lincoln get hurt, not after what happened today. I put myself between the two boys and gently pushed Lincoln out of the way. "Draco, your problem's with me, not Lincoln." I pointed out. "I'm the one who took away your flask to began with." The fact that Lincoln hadn't been yelling seemed to have transferred to me because the volume of my voice had lowered.

I turned my head slightly, processing what Draco had said. "I am helping to prevent you from becoming him. I don't listen to you like a father, I listen to you like a brother. And I started doing that when I realized I needed someone to listen to besides Father." I shook my head slightly. "You're not becoming him Draco. But if you keep drinking that," I said as I pointed to the flask in Lincoln's hands, "you may become him." I bit my lip, debating what else to say. "Draco, you have a beautiful wife who just gave birth to your two amazing children who are all safe. They don't need you like this Draco, they need my Draco." They needed the Draco only I knew, the one who didn't care about the Malfoy reputation.

"My problem is with whoever gets in my way," I responded curtly.  "I'm a Slytherin through and through... and we know that means I will end up getting what I want no matter what means."  I did not do well with being ganged up on.  I wanted to add more, but June had mentioned Pansy and the twins.  

How could I get Juniper to understand, without thinking that I was a terrible person, that this is not the life I would have chosen?  I did not love Pansy -- though I was not sure if I could ever really love someone in the first place.  I only married her to protect our unborn children.  No, I would not change that for the world because I just became a father to two beautiful kids.  I was willing to become a father -- after some thought, of course -- but I was nowhere near ready nor capable of being a husband.  I was not even sure if I was going to be capable to be a dad, either.  The past two years my life had been spiraling out of control, different things being thrust upon me.  It was enough to make anybody crack under that pressure.  I bit my tongue and pushed myself off of the wall that I was leaning against for support.  Taking a deep breath, I made sure that my voice did not waiver nor show really any type of emotion.  "Do what you want with that," I said, motioning towards the flask.  "I'm going for a walk.  Don't follow me."  June was right about one thing -- they did not need me to be drinking.  The kids needed me to be fully aware of everything going on around them to be able to protect them.

<< Oh I know!  It was kind of fun having an authoritative Lincoln... >>

I wanted to knock their heads together for their stubbornness.  I was not about to let the two of them fight, though, not on a day that was supposed to be happy.  I knew they both were fearing and worrying about the Dark Lord wanting to go to war -- though they may not have told me, I heard them speaking of it in whispers.  I sighed, putting my hands on June's shoulders and steering her to turn around back towards Pansy's room.  "Come on... let him cool down for a minute," I said to her softly.  "I can go after him once I know you're not going to follow him and make things worse -- you both are extremely stubborn."  I smiled slightly at her so she knew that I was not angry or upset or anything.