I got a picture of you, I carry in my heart -- 15 December 1998

I bit my lip and organized my thoughts in my mind before I could respond. "But me moving out wouldn't be drastic. I can't live with them forever, and now they have Keegan and Ian, so it's not that far fetched of an idea." I took a deep breath to calm myself down. I bit my lip slightly. "I have a job, I have some money now. It would be a dump, but I think I could move out soon. I could take some extra shifts."

I shook my head at her.  "Juniper, my job tonight is to keep you from doing something stupid.  You -- despite what you think -- cannot live out on your own.  Not with what you make... at least not yet," I said to her, trying to make myself a little less harsh sounding.  I put a hand on her arm.  "Draco doesn't want you to move out... and I have a hard time listening to your brother, but in this case, he's right."

Pansy Parkinson Malfoy wrote:I furrowed my brow.  If he was having a drink, then why was it this big deal?  Then it hit me... how often had I caught him drinking something?  Was there actually a problem?  "Draco... what's going on? You better tell me the truth," I warned darkly.

I looked over at my wife and sighed.  "Pansy... since Dumbledore... I-I've been drinking," I said to her honestly.  "It's the only way I can keep those eyes from piercing into my soul.."

"So you choose now to listed to my brother, really?" I sighed and looked up at him. "Lincoln, no one wants me, no one ever wanted me. Draco said so himself when I was attempting to convince him to let me take the mark instead of him before you and Pansy ran away." I explained. I knew this was going to happen once the twins were born. Draco would want to spend time with his real family, Pansy, Ian and Keegan. I had no one now. "My own Father disowned me and kicked me out and my mother did nothing to try to stop it except extend my stay in hell for a week so he could force us to take it." I held up my left forearm, indicating my dark mark. "You don't have to lie to me, I know Draco doesn't want me. He wants his wife and kids, not his sister who's messed everything up for him his entire life."

I just stared at Draco in disbelief.  "And you thought that was a wise thing to do?" I asked, anger seeping into my words. "For this long?  Really Draco?" I was trying to keep my voice down as to not wake the twins.

"Juniper, stop it.  That's enough," I said to her.  "Draco loves you and there's no way you can even deny it.  He never even thought that you were ever the disappointment or that you ruined his life.  He's in a tough time right now.  He's where you were.  You would have ended up doing something like this if the opportunity presented itself."  I sighed, looking at her.  "So I'm taking you to their flat and I'm staying with you there because you're not leaving.  Draco might do something worse to himself if you actually listened to what he said out of pure anger.  Which was why he sent me.  And if you think I was stubborn before by not listening to you, then you've got another thing coming now."

I flinched at the tone of Pansy's voice.  She normally was never that bad or upset.  "Pansy... no, it wasn't smart," I said to her.  "But it was the only thing I could do to keep him out of my mind... you do't understand that."

I was ready to retort him again but his words shocked me into silence for a moment. Once I had found my voice, I spoke softly and slowly, processing everything in my mind. "I know Draco loves me, he killed an innocent man to protect me." I began. "I had another title to him besides disappointment, sister." I shook my head slowly, tears staring to come to my eyes. I back up to the wall, slid down it so my knees were by my chest, I wrapped my arms around my legs and put my forehead on my knees. He was probably right, with everything Draco and I had been through that year, I had been content to survive on Lincoln's cure alone, I didn't need anything else. Lincoln and Draco had enough to deal with, they didn't need to add me into the mix. But they had, when the person who knows me better then I sometimes do myself put the pieces of the puzzle together and figured out what had happened to me. As usual, I never returned the favour and let his drinking spiral away from him. "I should've noticed sooner."

I wished that I could stand up and smack him.  He was so lucky the twins were still in the room and not in the nursery section of the hospital.  "Draco," I said softly, but my voice still sharp.  "I am your wife.  I love you. You should be able to talk to me.  Help me to understand.  And if not me, then your sister.  She was there with you.  She does understand more than what you give her credit for."

I slid down teh wall and sat next to Juniper, taking hold of her hand.  "June, you can't blame yourself for not realizing what was going on," I said to her in a whisper for what I was going to say next needed to be in very hushed tones.  "Your brother was able to lie and hide his true feelings from the Dark Lord... I'm pretty sure he was well prepared to hide this from everyone."  I knew that Draco had been able to somewhat deceive You-Know-Who for a little while before murdering Dumbledore.  I just hoped that the time was nigh that Draco and Juniper would be free from the Dark Lord...

<< I keep forgetting that thsi thread is like... 3 days before the downfall of Voldemort! lol >>

I was definitely not expecting this much hostility from Pansy.  I sighed.  "I know that, Pansy," I said to her, shaking my head.  "But this isn't just something that I like to talk about and to share... I don't know how to handle it and that scares me even more than talking about it because I always know how to handle things."  My voice was shaking because I was admitting defeat and a Malfoy never spoke like this.  EVer.  It was just not good for us.

<<me too! Lol>>

I looked down at our intertwined fingers and blinked back my tears. My face paled and my eyes widened when he mentioned the Dark Lord. "Don't call him that. Please." I begged. I may have no choice in what I call him, but Lincoln did. I looked over at my free hand, my left hand, and saw the Dark Mark. It felt like it was tingling, as if it knew how soon then Dark Lord would want to make his move. I tightened my left hand into a fist, my nails digging into my palm so hard it started bleeding. I tried to hide this from Lincoln as I turned back to him. "But I know Draco, he doesn't. I know him better then anyone, just like he knows me. We know each other better then we know ourselves sometimes. He's my brother, my twin. I know him, but I didn't notice how bad he was." I sighed and shook my head slowly. "I knew something was wrong. And I did nothing to figure out what it was."

I sighed, softening my tone.  "I know, Draco.  But you can't always be in control... and that is why we're here to help you," I said to him, reaching out for his hand.  When he took it, I squeezed his gently.  "You need to learn to lean on people, dear."

I sighed. "Look, it isn't always up to you to find each other's problems," I said to her, talking about both of them.  "You put too much pressure on yourselves..." But then again, I felt teh same way when Austin was alive.  "I know... it's easier said than done... but when there's so much involved, you can't blame yourself for missing some parts of the story."

I looked at Pansy and took a shaky breath.  "I know... but I am the one who protects everyone," I said to Pansy, trying to get her to understand how hard it was for me to ask for help or to lean on people.