I got a picture of you, I carry in my heart -- 15 December 1998

I could not help but chuckle slightly at June's comment about me.  She was right -- I just had twins.  I could look like hell and no one would say a word to me.  I looked over at the two of them as they looked at Keegan.  "I'd say he's more than a friend by now, June," I pointed out, figuring if I got a reaction that was unpleasant I could blame it on the hormones or something.

I smiled up at Lincoln, "No she really doesn't. I'm sure she will though." I loved how he was being with her, what he was saying. He was so sweet. It was times like this that I really wanted to be more then friends with him. But he didn't want that anymore, couldn't want that anymore with what I was now. My mouth feel open at Pansy's comment and I felt the heat rise to my face. We were just friends, and, sadly, that's all we ever would be. She was right though, he had been through everything with us. I looked back down at Keegan, hoping to hid my blush. "Maybe close friends then?" Once I thought my blush had subsided slightly, I looked up at Lincoln, seeing if he would agree but knowing he wouldn't. Before, I had thought I was unwanted and that no one cared about me, now, I knew it to be true.

I had to turn away from my sister and Lincoln when Pansy opened her mouth.  I was excellent at keeping secrets, but those were mostly secrets that would get us into trouble or end in some sort of turmoil.  This secret was actually kind of sweet.  I was not used to it.  It had been impossibly hard to keep the pregnancy from Juniper and I was finding that the conversation with Lincoln was just as bad.  I had managed before, so I would most certainly manage now.  I returned my gaze to my sister.  "Don't you worry," I said, "they both will know exactly how much we love them every single day.  Something we hardly got..."  I sighed.  At least I knew what not to do as a parent.

"I suppose I could settle for that for today," I said, smiling.  I could not believe that Pansy had said that; I knew Draco had not mentioned anything to her... I knew the twins were almost too good at keeping secrets.

I smiled down at Keegan in my arms, she seemed to be almost falling asleep. "They'll know exactly how much they're loved," I said, repeating Draco, "You have parents that'll be easily better then your Fathers and Auntie's." Not that it was hard to do, but I knew Draco would be such a better Father then our own. I would make sure they knew it as well. I wouldn't let them grow up like we had. "You both have parents and an Auntie that love you."

I glanced at Lincoln suspiciously, "For today?" I asked. Could he really mean what I think he did? I shook my head, of course not. He had meant that we could be close friends for today, tomorrow, we would be back to being just friends.. We would be close today for Draco, Pansy and the twins, we had all gone through everything to be where we were today. I let my head fall slightly, hoping to hid my disappointment. "I understand. For today is all we need."

I rolled my eyes at the two of them, hoping that Juniper did not notice me doing so.  I was so worried that I would end up just like our father, though.  He was the only example I had to go off of... and with how much of him I had in me, I was so scared that I would fail my children.  I looked at the twins, trying to hide that worry.  "Would you like to meet your nephew now?" I asked, hoping that my voice did not give me away.  Perhaps to Lincoln and Pansy it would just sound like I was tired; Juniper would recognize the way I sounded, though.  She always could tell what was on my mind.

I turned to my brother, trying to read him. I knew he wasn't just tired, he was worried, and I had a good guess as to what about. I made my way over to Draco and stood beside him, looking at the twins between both of our arms. I put my heads his shoulder then turned towards him to look up at him, my mouth close to his ear so I could whisper. "You are not Father. Do you think he was ever like this with us? He never cared even half as much about us as you do about them. Besides, did I not promise to smack you upside the head if you ever did turn into him?" I smirked at him as I lifted my head before looking back down at the baby in my arms. "Okay Keegan, it's time for Auntie June to meet your brother now okay? Remember, I love you." I kissed her gently on the top of her head.

I wanted to tell June that 'for today' was not a bad thing, though it did make me feel a little better with what I wanted to do to know that she was slightly disappointed by the negative connotations of the two words.  I had to snap a picture of the four of them, they looked so peaceful, really, even though I knew there were worries going through their minds even while there was something as good as this going on.

I smiled slightly; Juniper knew how to read me too well sometimes.  I was sure that to Lincoln and Pansy, I appeared worn out and tired.  To Juniper, she knew better.  I knew she was trying to make me feel better, but there were some baby pictures where we actually appeared to be a happy family.  I was not entirely sure when it all changed, though it did somewhere along the line.  Would that happen with me, too?  I had too much of him in me, this I knew.  I recognized it when I looked at myself in the mirror and I fought against it the best I could.  However, Juniper was right; she promised to keep me from becoming him.  I traded twins with my sister.  "Ian... I want you to meet your Auntie June," I said, as I shifted my son into June's arms while I managed to take Keegan from her.  Trading off of the twins was interesting to say the least.

I watched as the two of them traded off twins, though a little nervous about it.  Switching them around like that was not exactly a simple or easy task, but they managed.  I let out a slight breath of relief that I had not realized I had been holding.  I knew they would not drop them on purpose, but I could not help but be protective of them.  I was their mother after all.

I saw the camera flash from the corner of my eye and was about to protest my picture being taken. I didn't like my picture being taken, Father always forced me to smile during our family pictures and the flash always seemed to remind me of that for some reason. Besides, today was not about me, I was not important, but I just manages a slight glare in Lincoln direction when Draco started handing me Ian. I bit my lip slightly as we traded twins, a difficult task we somehow managed and I gently began rocking my nephew. "Hi Ian, don't believe a word mum and dad have said about me, unless they said I was the fun one. Because that's true." I was trying to lighten the mood for Draco's benefit. I spoke as I walked over to Lincoln, hopefully too close for him to take any pictures of me. "This is Ian." I didn't want another debate about our friendship status, so I just left it at that.

I sat down in the chair next to Pansy's bed while Juniper took my son over to Lincoln.  I could not believe that everyone had made it here healthy and beautiful.  We were all okay -- for now.  As I held Keegan, my sleeve had moved up on my arm and I could see the Dark Mark, reminding me that things could change in an instant.  I kissed my daughter's forehead.  I would not let anything happen to any of them.  I just hoped that it would not mean that they would end up losing their dad, but I was willing to pay that price if it meant that they would all be okay.

"Hello there, Ian," I said, smiling at the little boy who was being so good.  "Don't believe a word your auntie says... she's not the fun one.  She's the mental one."  I had to tease her.  I could see that the mood was starting to go a little south and I wanted to kepe their minds from worrying too much.

My mouth fell open at Lincoln's words and I pretend to be hurt by them. "Hey, I am not the mental one." I protested. I knew he was just trying to lighten the mood and I appreciated it. I knew we were all okay but things could change quickly, I just hoped we would all still be okay when they did. I wanted to scratch my Dark Mark again but I couldn't with Ian in my arms. That was a good thing I guess, there was nothing I could do to make it go away, I had to stop trying. "I'm the cool one." I knew he would probably get a laugh at that and I didn't care. I needed to distract myself from my own thoughts.

I looked over at Lincoln and Juniper and chuckled.  "I think I have to agree with Lincoln," I pointed out, flashing a smile and a wink towards my twin.  We needed to not worry about the outside world right now.  It was not fair to the twins if we ruined their birthday with fretting about things beyond our control -- and that took a lot for me to admit.