Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart -- Summer 1997

<< oh I know, I can't wait to see Lincoln and Draco's reaction to drunk June...it will be fantastic! Lol >>

I gave a small laugh at what he was saying, it just seemed so Lincoln. "I'll try to keep that in mind if I'm ever sick." I assured him.

I gave June a look.  "Hey, that's nothing to laugh about," I said, a small smile playing at my lips.  "I'll give you support long distance if you're getting sick.  That's the best I can promise."

I laughed slightly harder when he said it was nothing to laugh about. "I guess I'll have to live with that." I sighed with a smile as I turned to Austin's grave. "Your brother's amazing. He can always make me laugh."

"I dunno how that happens," I said to her simply.  "It's quite a difficult feat when it comes to her."  I was acting as if I was speaking to Austin when I said that, though I looked over at June and smiled at her.

I gave a small laugh and smiled over at Lincoln. "He's being modest." I assured Austin. "I'm pretty sure he knowns me better then either of us care to admit." I looked at Austin's grave, for some reason not being able to look at Lincoln with what I was about to say. "He knows what will make me laugh, and help me feel better. He knows exactly what to say, even when we hardly knew each other." I looked back at Lincoln, "'Prove them wrong.'"

I smiled and looked away from Juniper, finding it difficult to do look at her when she said such nice things.  I was still having a hard time accepting that there were some people who said nice things and meant them.  "Yeah, well, sometimes a guy knows what to say," I said, joking.  "But you give me more credit than I deserve.  that's for sure."

I gave a small laugh and looked at him. "It must be your spot on male instincts." I informed him sarcastically, "And actually, I don't think I give you enough credit." How could I with everything he had every done for me? I turned to look at Austin, again, unable to look at Lincoln when I finished. "I never have." I finished softly.

I smirked slightly at Juniper's sarcasm.  I was not expecting that from her.  I shook my head at her.  "You've always given me too much..." I muttered.  I never did anything like this to help others to receive any recognition of any kind.  I just did nto want to turn out to be my parents.  And that was an extremely selfish reason behind it.

I turned to him. "I'll never believe that." I said softly. "Not with everything you've done for me. Ever since we were younger." He had helped me so much, ever since we met, right up to now. I could never repay him for that.

I looked at June and smiled slightly.  "Well, just say we're even.  Because you have no idea how much you've helped me," I said to her, thinking of the few years I lived with my grandparents wishing that i had died when I was a baby.  the only things that helped me get through it were her and Dean.  They were my best mates... I was not going to leave them when they needed me to help them through their own difficult times.  Yeah, I had other mates, but not any that I would have lived for like I made myself survive for June and Dean... and then, of course, the Lupins.

"Even?" I asked, looking over at Lincoln. I thought about that for a moment before turning back to Austin. "I don't know about that but I do know that I would not be the person I am today if I didn't know your brother Austin." A small smile played at my lips as forced myself to look over at Lincoln. "I'm just lucky that a smart, kind, second-year Ravenclaw decided to interfere with the affairs of a stupid first-year Slytherin all those years ago. If he didn't, I'm not sure where that stupid Slytherin would be now." My home life may not be better, but I had Lincoln to lean on when I needed him. He was always willing to help me when I needed him. I just hoped he knew he could always count on me too.

The corner of my mouth twitched slightly and I shook my head.  "You were never stupid," I assured her. "Just unsure.  There's a big difference."

"Not according to Father." I retorted simply, looking anywhere but up at Lincoln. I took a shaky breath and shook my head. "To him, confidence is everything and I never had that in myself." I finally forced myself to look up at him as a sad smile crossed my face. "By the time you came along and gave me that confidence, I already had the firm reputation as The Disappointment, so the only person's mind I could change about myself was my own." Of course, Draco gave me confidence when we were younger but that wasn't the same as a complete stranger believe in you when you had been told your whole life you weren't good enough.

I looked over at Juniper.  "And that is all you ever need," I said to her.  "Going by what others think of you only destroys you..."

I nodded and looked back over at Austin's grave. "If I had known that when I was younger, maybe it would've been different." I replied slowly. I shook my head slightly to clear my thoughts and turned back to Lincoln with a sad smile. "But there's no use thinking about the 'what could've been' hu?" I asked, hoping to change the topic.