Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart -- Summer 1997

Glancing over at Juniper from Austin's grave, I was not entirely sure if I should argue or not.  I sighed and shook my head.  "I don't think I agree with you on that one, but I also know that you will most likely argue with me on that point," I said, a slight smile playing at my lips.

I gave a small laugh. "You know me too well Mr. Matthews. I just want you to think of all the people you have helped. How do you think I would've survived last year if it weren't for you?" I sighed. "Austin helped you and you returned the favour by helping everyone you can. I honestly don't know where I would be without you." Between him and Draco, they made my life worth live and gave me hope that someday, it could be better.

I sighed, shrugging noncommittally.  "I do know you better than you may realize," I pointed out to her quietly.  I tended to just stay back and observe everything rather than speaking up.  It made things a little easier for me... I did not always have to get involved if I stayed on the sidelines.

My smile faded when he said that and I turned my gaze to the ground." That scares me." I admitted softly. I bit my lip. "There are things I don't want anyone to find out but I'm afraid you know more than I'd like." I finally turned to him. "I don't want people to worry about me but you already know that and know why and I think your more worried about me than I want...." I shrugged, even though I wanted to try to convince him he didn't need to concern himself with me. I was not worth it.

I took a deep breath and kept my gaze at the graves of my brother and father.  "And you know me far better than most, Juniper," I said in a voice barely above a whisper.  People may have their theories of what was going on with me at my home life, but no one knew for sure besides the Lupins and Juniper.  "We both end up worrying about each other more than the other one really wants," I added.

I nodded, "But I don't think we would be able to convince the other not to worry." I knew it was true for me anyway, I would never stop worrying about Lincoln, he was one of my best friends. He helped me through everything this past year and I wanted to repay the favour somehow. He did not deserve what had happened to him.

I chuckled slgihlty.  "Exactly my point," I said, putting my hands in my pockets.  I kept my gaze down at teh graves, letting my mind wander to the what ifs.  They were pointless to even think about because Austin was gone and my father was never the abusive jerk that he had been.

I gave a small laugh. "But we're both too stubborn to stop trying to push the other away." I sighed and shook my head slightly. I turned to the graves, finding it easier to talk to Austin than I thought. "Your brother's worries too much about someone like me."

I nodded at her, slowly letting out a breath.  "I worry too much about the underdog... I was made that way," I said, motioning towards the tombstone of my father.  If they had not been abusive, I may not care so much about the underdogs of hte world.

I nodded as I turned to him and sighed. "I was made to protect the people I care about." I replied simply. If Draco and I had grown up in a normal family, I don't think we would feel the need to protect each other as much. I also don't think we would be as close as we are. I shook my head slightly. "As much as our childhoods sucked, if we didn't go through all the hell and crap that we did, we would not be the people we are today."

I nodded, sighing.  "For better or worse, I guess," I said, wondering how I could have been introduced into the Lupin household and not freak out about the fact that they were a real family for me.

I gave a small laugh, "What are we, getting married now?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood. "In sickness and in health? Till death do us part? I do?" Although I was joking, I stole a glance up at him to try to gauge his expression. I cared a lot about Lincoln but I knew no one could every truly love a Malfoy.

I smiled slightly and shook my head, running a hand through my hair.  "I don't know about sickness... I don't do well with vomiting people," I said, continuing with her joking manner.  It was rare that Juniper even attempted jokes, so I did not want to spoil this one.

I smiled when he didn't shoot down the idea of marriage, even if we were just joking. The only person I really joked with like this was Draco but I wanted to try to lighten the mood. "Okay then, what would you do if I ever did start vomiting?"

<< This is really funny b/c of the drunk thread we're writing... lol >>

I shuddered involuntarily at the thought.  "I think I'd get reinforcements," I told her honestly.  I thought back to the one time Austin had gotten so sick wtih the flu.  "Austin had been getting sick a lot... fever, sore throat, vomiting.  I helped him until the last part.  I couldn't stomach it.  Thankfully, our dad was having one of his better moments and took over.  He even ended up helping me a bit when I inevitably caught that flu from my brother."  I shook my head.  "But I don't do well with that at all."