You never know when a lunatic will come along & give you a sadistic choice to make -- Early Winter 1997

I took a shaky breath as he guided me back to my bed. He was being so nice about everything, despite what he must be feeling. As soon as I was by my bed I took hold of it, gripping it with my life. When he let go I felt how weak I really was, he had been keeping me strong. I manage to pull myself back onto my bed, my legs dangling over the edge once again. I looked up at him, "Clearly I'm not as steady on my feet as I hoped to be." I sighed, "I'm sorry I'm apologizing so much, I guess I'm just used to havering something to apologize for." I shrugged, not really wanting to talk about me again. "Thank you for catching me though, really." I said sincerely. I noticed he had started trembling slightly but saw he was trying to hide it from me so I didn't bring it up.

I sighed, thinking about my brother. "He doesn't hate you, he just...umm....hm." I attempted to think of another word to describe Linc and Draco's relationship but I came up blank. "I wouldn't call it hate exactly......he just doesn't know you like I do. He's been protecting me since...forever....from.....everyone." I explained, not really wanting to go back into that conversation either. "I think he feels like your replacing him." I knew that was ridiculous. Draco and I have been through so much together, no one could replace him. No matter how close Linc and I were or ever became, I would always need Draco by my side. I may have somewhat described what happened in our lives to Linc but Draco had been the one who live through it with me. Nothing and no one could ever replace that.

I shrugged, trying to play it off as no big deal.  "June, it's fine.  And I think hate is the appropriate word," I added, chuckling slightly as I sat back down when I knew she was not going to be trying to walk again.  I pulled my hands out of my pocket and folded them loosely on my lap as I looked down at them.  "No one could ever replace him... and I wouldn't want to, either.  So you can assure him of that if he brings me up," I told her with a slight smile.  I found I was having a bit of a problem looking towards her -- it was something I did at home; I avoided eye contact in hopes to avoid any type of beating.  I sighed and forced myself to do so.  "I'm sorry... I'm falling into old habits," I explained quietly.

"You don't need to apologize to me. Old habits die hard I guess." I said gently, just like him attempting to make me believe I was special. My head had started to hurt with siting and standing up so I decided to lay back down, hoping I could walk a bit better later. Once I was back in position, I gave a small laugh at his comment about Draco, "I'll be sure to let him know." I turned to him and saw him looking at me. "You know I could never hurt you though right?" I asked, "Not after everything you've done for me. You're safe here." Again, I knew old habits died hard but I hoped he wouldn't get mad at me for bring this up again. I just didn't really want to talk about myself anymore quite yet.

I resisted the urge to start fidgeting again.  "I know," I said quietly.  "That is why I'm fighting every fiber in my body that is telling me to get the hell out of here saying that I'm not safe and that catching you was just the beginning.  That it will lead into something unpleasant."  I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.  I realized I was quite jittery; I was bouncing my leg slightly to let out the nervous energy.  I felt cold sweat still on my back.  I was almost having second thoughts about having opened up to her when she had said that,too.  I did not want her to think that this reaction was just because I thought she was going to hurt me.  It was just my normal reaction to any type of physical contact it seemed.  It was not like I had any positive physical contact in at least ten years -- since Austin died.  It wore on a person.  "I'll be fine," I added, wanting to assure her this would pass.  It always did whenever there was any unintentional jostling from other students.

"Are you sure?" I asked. I hoped he wasn't regretting telling me about his house life. I was glad he had opened up to me. "I want to help you if I can." I assured him, "Not bring back bad memories." I sighed, I never seemed it be able to do anything right around Linc. "I shouldn't have gotten up." I shook my head. I was used to blaming myself for everything that went wrong but I forced myself not to appoligize again. "You will be okay. I know it." I smile over at him, he was strong, I knew things like this just took some time. "You can leave of you want to. Just let me know. I want to try some of your potion and hoped you would stay with me until I fell asleep." I looked down at the white sheets, embarrassed that I felt I needed him to stay with me. I hoped he didn't think I was being stupid.

I attempted a reassuring smile.  "I'm sure," I told her.  "It passes... it always does.  Even when my instincts are right to tell me to leave..."  I sighed and shook my head.  "You're stubborn.  I know this about you... that's why I didn't argue that much when you tood up."  I was trying to lighten the mood as much as I could.  I did not want her to continuously blame herself, but I understood why she did.  "I'll stay with you as long as you need me to," I answered her quietly.

I let my gaze fall to the floor, still felling guilty about what he was going through because of me. "I should've known better then to try get up in my state." I said with a sigh. I looked up at him, "You're being really nice about all of this. I don't deserve it." I shook my head. "You can leave whenever you need to, I'm sure I'm keeping you from class or something. Just let me try the potion and fall asleep first." I looked up at him, hoping I wasn't asking too much. I did want him to stay, but I'm sure he had more important things to do then to be with me. Most people did, including Mother and Father.

"June, you aren't the first person who has touched me here... though I can't say they did it on purpose," I pointed out.  "And those scenarios are more bumping me in the corridor."  I shrugged at her.  "So, please, don't worry about it.  It'll pass."  I smiled slightly at her.  "Classes are overrated.  I'll stay as long as you want," I assured her, feeling very vulnerable for some reason by saying it that way.  It was odd...

I wanted to point out that he had been to one to touch me to save me from falling but I sighed instead. I guess he was right, people bump into each other all the time. I couldn't even begin to imagine what he must go through at home to cause this type of reaction to catching me. "I guess that's true."

I shook my head at him, "So you do have somewhere you have to be. If you really have to go, go. I feel bad, I know I'm not the best company right now." My headache was starting I come back and I wanted to scratch off my Mark but I didn't want Linc to feel he had to stop me again. I did enjoy his company though. "But if you could stay a bit longer, I wouldn't object." I didn't want to guilt him into staying but I didn't really want to be left alone, that's why I wanted him to wait till I fell asleep after taking his potion before he left.

I smiled at her slightly.  "I can stay -- really, I can," I told her.  "I've done everything I can right now for classes anyways..."  I always worked ahead.  It was just what I did.  "And I really did not expect you to entertain me, June.  You can just rest if you need to.  I won't leave."  I knew she was wearing down -- I could see it written on her face whether she tried to hide it or not.

I smiled weakly up at him, "If you're sure." I knew he always got ahead with school work so I wasn't too concerned with that, it was more if he was supposed to meet someone. I suppressed a yawn as I closed my eyes. "I don't need to rest, I'm fine." I forced my eyes open. "Have you talked to Draco at all since my attack?" I knew they couldn't really stand each other but maybe my attack had caused them to at least talk civilly to each other. By the looked of it earlier though, that didn't seen to be the case. "I just want to know how he's been dealing with this."

I shook my head.  "Your brother has been evasive at best," I told her honestly.  "No one sees him unless he's in here with you.  I don't know if he's gone to classes.  I'd say, just by powers of observation, that he's not doing all that great."  This was the first time I had been this close to him in awhile.  He was so pale and ragged looking -- something no one would have ever said of Draco Malfoy in the six years he had been in school.  "I can try to keep an eye on him for you, but I don't know how that'll work... we kind of can't stand each other."

I nodded but put my hand on my head when it started to hurt again, "I figured as much." I sighed, feeling even more guilty then I had. Not only had I caused Draco to finish the next step in his task but he had done nothing but worry about me since I had been attacked. He shouldn't worry about me so much. "He didn't look that good when I saw him earlier, he needs to stop worrying about me, I'm not worth it." I knew I was not worth what Draco had to do, he should just let them kill me. I shook my head to clear it but groaned when the pain doubled. I closed my eyes and allowed it to pass. I opened my eyes and looked up at him, "Can you just see if you can figure out if he's eating and sleeping? Please." I realized again that I was behind on making Draco his dreamless sleep potion. I had to get out of here so I can help him again. "When do you think Madam Pomfrey will let me leave?"

I was not sure if I would ever understand her and Draco's relationship.  I was not sure if I wanted to understand it, either.  I always thought that Draco was a bully even to his sister -- not in teh same way as he was towards the other students, but in a controlling manner.  He always wanted to control every aspect between them.  I did not know the entire story, but I could see that much.  I wanted to argue with her about being worth the worry, however I decided against it.  She did not need to be argued with in the state she was in.  She did, after all, just wake up earlier in the evening.  "I'll do my best," I promised.  I had connections that could keep a closer watch on Draco than I could.  I shook my head.  "I have no idea, but I can tell you that it will be as long as it takes to clear up your head pain you're getting plus anything else..."

I smiled over at him, "Thank you Linc, you're a great friend." I said sincerely, I wanted to add that I didn't deserve him but I didn't really feel like arguing if he tried to rebuttal. I sighed and bit my lip slightly. "It's not just my head." I admitted. My whole body was aching again but Linc was helping to distract me from that. There was only so much he could do though. "But I'll be okay." I assured him. "I just need to get out of here so I can help Draco." I said. "The sooner the better."