Deep into that darkness peering, I long stood there... wondering, fearing, doubting -- Early Winter 1997

My daunting task was getting to me.  I could not fail -- he would kill them all.  But I was not a murderer.  I had just gotten to the point of breaking down.  I was close to tears from the stress of everything.  I could not break like this in the common room; I had an image to uphold.  I loosened my tie and untucked my shirt from the uniform that we had to wear for classes.  I was making my way towards one of the little areas in the dungeons that was forgotten about -- sort of like how I was feeling.  A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate.  I leaned against the stone walls and wished to find my sister.  Even if she could not help me with my task -- even if she wanted to, I would not let her -- but she could help me feel a little better perhaps.  I hoped.  At least to pretend that everything would be okay.  I opened my eyes and continued onward to one of the spots we used to have our little game nights while at school -- something that I had been neglecting thus far this year due to my inconceivable task at hand.  I turned the corner and saw my beautiful sister.  I just walked up to her and put my arms around her with no preface of what was going on.  I just needed to borrow some of her strength.

I was waking in the dungeons, on my way back to the common room, when suddenly, someone put their arms around me. I jumped in surprise but soon realized it was my brother. It seemed like something big was on his mind. I hugged him back, happy for his sake that no one was coming down the hall. "Hi." I said. I hugged him for a few more seconds before pulling away. I took a guess at what was on his mind. "Do you want to talk about it?" I wasn't really sure what 'it' was but at the beginning of the year, Draco had a meeting with some of the Death Eaters and ever since, he seemed really distracted. He wouldn't tell me what happened, only that he had to do something he didn't want to.

I had not wanted to let go, but she was probably wise in doing so.  I ran a hand through my hair and could only imagine how I appeared to her.  I never let emotion show... and here I was so close to tears and panicking.  I took a deep breath before speaking, hoping to steady my voice.  "I don't think I can do it... but the stakes are too high for me not to," I said, not wanting to tell her exactly what it was I had to do.  The less she knew the better it was for her, but I had to tell somebody.  And I was getting so tired of Snape hounding me about it as well.  I was sure that I could not trust him, but Mother did.  I just was not entirely sure where his loyalties lie -- but I had no idea where my loyalties were, either.

He looked so vulnerable and small in front of me, I had never seen him like this before. I placed my hands on his arms and rubbed them up and down, hoping to comfort him. As much as I wanted to find out what he had to do, I would not take advantage of him in his current stat to do so. I was however interested in the stakes. Since I was pretty sure I knew what they were thought, I asked for confirmation. "They're going to kill us aren't they?" I asked. "They are going to kill us if you don't do this task."

I looked into her eyes, not wanting to confirm what she thought, but knowing I had to.  I nodded.  "After Father's blunder... he wants me to make up for it with this... but I'm not a murderer," I said, so glad that she was there to keep me from falling apart.  "No matter what, though, I become one.  If I fulfill his wishes, I kill one of the greatest wizards ever known.  If I don't, I'll be the one who decides the fate of our family -- killing us all even if I'm not the one who utters the words."  I was only sixteen.  I should not be worrying about something like this.  The thought of all of this weighing on me made me a mere shell of who I used to be.  I knew others could see it, but I no longer cared for any sort of reputation that I was expected to uphold.

My eyes widened. I hadn't expect such a confection. That alone told me how broken he really was. I took a deep breath, know this is what we had both been fearing for a while. This would answer the question of how far he was willing to go to protect me. I had promised him long ago that I wouldn't let him to too far and his was it. "You shouldn't do this Draco." I began "I would rather die because you didn't do something as big a murder then live with you regretting this actions everyday." I didn't care about fathers blunder or any of it. "They shouldn't be putting this much pressure on you."

I shook my head and moved us more into the shadows when I heard other students approaching where we were.  I stopped talking until they passed.  I felt like a mad man, speaking to my sister.  "No... I will not let you die for this.  I am getting you out.  That's the only way I can think of saving you even if I can't save myself," I said.  I had no idea how I was going to do that, but Juniper could not stay anywhere near me right now.

I looked at my brother in disbelieve. "And what do you expect to do with me? Hide me away for the rest of my life?" He just wasn't thinking straight with everything that must be on his mind, and that's where I came in to help. The sad part is I wouldn't have minded the idea so much if he would come with me but I knew that wouldn't happen. "And what happens to you? Father? Mother?" I knew that we weren't our parents biggest fans but that didn't mean we wanted to see them die. I shook my head. "You just need to think straight. Take a deep breath, we can work this out."

I took a shaky, deep breath, listening to Juniper.  I leaned against the stone wall of the dungeons and slid down to the floor, putting my face in my hands.  "They made their fate the way it is... and they're dragging me down with them," I said with disgust.  "But the positive side of not being their favorite, June, is that you - you can get out.  I don't know how yet... but it could work."  I was shaking, knowing that I had to sound ridiculous to my sister.  I was grateful that she was staying calm.  I just was not sure how much longer I could handle this pressure and survive.

I slid down to sit next to my brother. "What if I don't want to get out?" I asked. I tried to stay calm for his sake, but he was started to almost scare me with his idea that I would leave him. That I would willing leave him to suffer with our parents. "I'm not leaving you here to suffer. We're in this together. I'm going to help you. I'm not leaving." I knew he wouldn't let me do anything to help but I hoped he would at least let me at least bear some of his burden. Thats what siblings were for.

My eyes widened when she said she would help.  "No - you're not going to help," I said quickly, shaking my head vigorously at her.  She probably meant it in a different way, but I could only think of the worst possible way she could help.  I sighed and looked down at the ground.  "So much for happily ever after," I muttered, knowing that Juniper would know what I meant.  I knew looking at the situation like there was no way I could come out alive was bad, but that was how I felt.

I narrowed my eye when he said we wouldn't get our happily ever after like we planed for so long, not at him, but at the forces that were all at work against us. I shook my head, I wasn't going to let that happen. "They won't take away our happily ever after." We work too hard for too long to let them take it away that easily. "Together we can do anything. We'll get through this." I assured him. I would make sure he got through this, no matter what.

I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes.  I fought for so long to keep this from wearing me down, but I was running out of options.  A tear escaped my eye and I did not even bother to wipe it away.  "I just don't know what to do anymore," I admitted, hating to admit to my failure.  But I had to say it aloud or it would eat at me.

I leaned against him and sighed. "What if we go to our happily ever after? Make it real. We could both run away." It was the only option that didn't involve people dying or us being separated. I looked at him, hoping he was really considering this option, but knowing he probably wasn't.

That was so tempting, and as much as I hated Mother and Father for doing this to me, I could not just leave them to die.  "But our parents," I said, stress straining my voice.  Juniper understood what I meant, I kenw she did.  As much strife as they caused us, they were still our parents.