You never know when a lunatic will come along & give you a sadistic choice to make -- Early Winter 1997

I shrugged and leaned back slightly in the chair.  "I wasn't sure exactly," I said quietly.  "After seeing Draco's reaction to you when you woke up, I formulated my own theory."  I sighed.  "I do think it has something to do with whatever it is that has changed your brother so drastically this year.  why else would he be beating himself up so badly about it and arguing with you already?  He looks like hell -- more than what one would expect out of pure worry.  I don't think he did anything to you, but he's somehow dragged you into whatever it is that he's mixed up in."  I was not sure if I believed the theories on Draco being a Death Eater, but I did believe that he was up to something.  I hardly ever saw him picking on other students like he normally would be.  He lost weight, he looked horrible, and I barely saw him ever in the Great Hall.  I was curious if he was even going to classes.

I forced myself not to take a shaky breath or close my eyes. Lincoln could never know how close he was to the truth. Draco and I would have to start being more careful around him, he picked up on everything. "Interesting theory. And you're right, Draco didn't do anything to me. I remember that much as well." I had begun absent-mindedly scratching my left forearm when I looked down and saw the Mark, black against my pale skin. My eyes widened for the briefest of moments before I blinked it away and pulled up the sleeve on my gown, just like I had with Draco. I hoped Linc hadn't seen either my eyes or my mark. "If Draco's in this so called 'group', are people saying I am as well?" This I had to know. I was not a death eater, even if it was a real Mark I had, and neither was Draco. "Or was I just attacked for his wrongdoings?"

"Just that you were attacked," I said, trying not to stare at where she kept scratching.  I could nto see anything there, but from what I read... that was where the Dark Mark went.  Perhaps she was subconsciously doing it... meaning that Draco was a Death Eater.  I tried to go off of facts rather than gossip, though.  It was always much more accurate.  "June... you know you can talk to me about anything," I added, feeling like she was hiding something.  I shared with her my darkest of secrets; I would hope she would know she could talk to me about anything and I would be the last person to judge her for anything.

I let my head fall back onto the pillow and gave a little grunt. Why was he so insistent on finding out? "Linc, I know but I'm still not telling you who or why." I lifted my head and turned to him. So people though Draco was a Death Eater but not me. I had to tell someone the truth and I knew I could trust Linc. I bit my lip, debating how to say everything without really saying everything. Linc was right, keeping things bottles up wasn't the wisest move but I had promised Draco not to tell anyone. I sighed, "Maybe Draco didn't drag me into anything. I mean, what if we were both in the middle of something already, before I was attacked? Maybe Draco's not as involved in this 'group' as everyone thinks." I said slowly. I looked down and pulled the arm of my gown back, revelling my Mark. He hadn't reacted to it, and I had seen him staring at it. It was as if he couldn't see it at all but this would be the real test. I rubbed my thumb over it as I spoke, "But maybe I am now." I said more to myself. I sighed again and looked up at him. "Why does everyone care anyway? It's not like anyone else was attacked. It was just me." I wasn't important or special so why did he care? Why did anyone care?

I watched her closely as she spoke.  I could understand how hard it was for her to tell me this -- even if it was vague.  I looked to where she pointed and only saw a red mark because she kept rubbing at it and scratching it.  "June... there's nothing there," I told her gently.  "You are going to end up making yourself bleed, though."  I leaned forward in my chair, hesitant of how I was going to show her that people did care about her.  Draco most certainly cared, as do I.  "Stop doing that to yourself.  I know what you're thinking.  If no one cared about you, why would you have the Headmaster in here?  ...Draco? ...me?  I can understand how being told something repeatedly changes the way you think, but... I can assure you that you are cared for and, well, special," I told her quietly.  I did not tell just anyone what I went through at home.

I looked down at the Mark, it was still there. "But it's....I can....it's...." I could see it and I knew I wasn't going crazy because Draco saw it too but in our current states, maybe we both were. "Never mind." I shook my head to clear it and started scratching it more. Maybe if I did get it to bleed it would go away. I turned back towards him. "The headmaster was only here to make sure no one else was going to get attacked, Draco came because he's my brother and kind of has to and....I'm not sure why you are here. I mean I know we're close and I really do appreciate you coming  but....I'm sure I look as bad as Draco does right now." I sighed. No one beside Draco had ever really said I was special. It was nice to hear but I brushed it off. "It does change the way you think, maybe one day we'll both believe each other." I shrugged and gave him a sad smile as I cover my arm with my blanket, hoping he wouldn't notice that it had started bleeding. "What do you think of us now?"

I reached out and put a hand on her arm.  "I think you're bleeding," I said, stating the obvious.  "Stop scratching it, June."  I let go of her rather quickly and pulled my hand back, uncertain of what had just happened.  I never willingly did something like that.  I knew better than to argue with her.  There was no point in doing so -- just as there was no point in telling me that I was not the cause for my brother falling down the stairs.  "To be honest, I think you're vastly misunderstood -- both of you," I told her quietly.  "Some people, like Pansy Parkinson, you are able to see the entirety of who they are.  They don't hide a thing -- whether or not you like it is a different story.  But then others, like you and me, we're like icebergs.  People don't realize that only a quarter of what makes us who we are is shown on the surface, the rest is hidden beneath.  And even though your brother makes it seem like everything is visible and people think they know exactly who each of you are because of that, they are widely mistaken."

My eyes widened when he put his hand on my arm. I stopped scratching it as he took his hand back quickly. He had never touched me before and I wondered what had just happened. I shook my head and shrugged it off, he had probably just wanted me to stop hurting myself. "Icebergs?" I gave a small laugh at his analogy, it was a good one though. "People only see the tips because we don't let them see anything else. We don't want them to get dragged into the sick, twisted crap that we call our lives." Draco made sure people thought they knew us so they wouldn't go digging and find something they might regret. I turned towards him having looked down at my Mark when he put his hand on it. "It takes a truly special person to appreciate and understand it all and not want to run away screaming. Usually someone who's in a similar situation. Maybe that's why we click, we can sort of understand what the other is going through." I looked back down and used my thumb to rub some of the blood off the Mark. I realized that behind the Mark, some of my skin was bruised. As I looked at my right arm, I saw areas of blueish green purple skin. When I put pressure in these areas, the pain increased. "I really do look like hell don't I?"

I was glad that I was able to make her smile, even if for a moment and for the sake of a lame analogy.  "And, as much as I hate the fact that we both go through very similar situations, it's probably a good thing we do.  I don't know if anyone could go through this stuff without someone there," I said to her, assuring her that I understood the secrecy and reluctance to speak about everything.  A vague explanation would suffice about what had happened to her even if I knew there was more beneath the surface she did not want me to see.  

I nodded at her.  "Yeah, you really do.  But I wasn't going to be the one to point it out," I told her.

I nodded in agreement. I don't know how I would've gotten though any of this without Draco by my side. "Draco and I always got through everything together." I could only imagine what Linc when though by himself. "How do you make it though? At least when you had Austin you knew what you were fighting for. I can't imagine what it was like after he passed away. Your parents blaming you and still hurting you." I shook head. "You have me now though, and you always will." I wanted to help him in whatever way I could and whatever what he would let me.

I sighed as I pushed myself up into a sitting position, closing my eyes to allow the pain to pass. Once it had somewhat subsided, I figured I should let Linc know what I was doing. "I want to see what I looked like." I had to know what Aunt Bellatrix left me like, and if I could see the Mark in the mirror.

I never really assessed completely why I still tried to make it through.  To prove them wrong?  To help others?  I was not entirely sure.  I shook my head.  "That's an excellent question that one day I may actually figure out the answer to," I said quietly.  "Maybe it's my way of proving them wrong... or maybe I'm still fighting for Austin -- had we grown up together he would have never wanted me to give up, that I'm sure of.  But I honestly don't know."  

I watched her closely as she started to move around.  I backed away slightly to give her the room she needed, but at the same time I asked, "Is this a wise idea?" Because I was not entirely sure if she should be moving around quite yet.

I had put my legs over the side of the bed but stopped when he started talking. I tuned to him, "'Prove them wrong' was one of the first things you ever said to me." I said, not sure if he remembered that detail. I sure had and I tried to live by it everyday. "Of course he wouldn't have wanted you to give up. You are so strong and I'm sure Austin is so proud of you right now. Proud of the person you've become and that your still fighting for everyone who can't fight for themselves, including me."

I saw him back away to give me some space. "I need to know what effect this all had on me." I placed my feet on the ground and allowed the weight of my body to be placed on them. I wobbled slightly but held onto the bed until I felt comfortable. I took a few shaky steps forward before my legs couldn't carry me and I started to fall. I gasped shock as I closed my eyes and got ready to hit the floor.

I was touched by what Juniper had said.  Sometimes I wondered why I fought for everyone who could not stand up for themselves, but then I remembered Austin and the other students like Juniper.  I knew that I may not make a difference in the world, but I felt like I could make a difference in someone's life at one point or another.  Not that I always felt like I did.  I focused more on what Juniper was doing rather than respond to her; and even if I wanted to say something in return, I was not entirely sure on what exactly to say.

I stood with her and watched her closely.  When she started to fall, I had a feeling that would happen.  I grabbed her quickly, catching her so she would to hurt herself.  "I told you it wasn't wise," I said gently, knowing that she would not have listened no matter what I had said.  She would do what she wanted to do.  I kept hold of her though my skin and body seemed to be screaming at me to let her fall.  I would not do that to her, though, no matter how much discomfort I was in.  It was not like it was painful, but just the memories and what I had to deal with at home... everything always came back to me whenever anyone touched me.

I had been prepared to hit the floor, knowing he didn't like to touch people, when he caught me, "You caught me," I said, looking at him with wide, shocked eyes. "You didn't have to catch me, but you did. You could've just let me fall, you should've just let me fall, but you didn't." I could only imagine what was going on in his mind, all the memories that must be playing in his head. I had regained my footing but was too shocked to moved, I was rooted on the soot. "I'm so sorry Linc. I should've been more steady on my feet, I should've made sure I had something to hold onto the whole way, I should've reached for something, anything." I looked around and realized there wasn't really anything I could've grabbed onto. The bed was too far away, the wall too smooth. "I am so sorry." I knew I sounded stupid, between my miniature rant and apologizing for tripping, but I wasn't sure how to really react with Linc. "Thank you for catching me though. I really am sorry for making you catch me." I bit my lip to make myself be quite, nervous about how he would react. I looked up at him, wondering what I would find.

I took deep, calming breaths to keep my voice steady.  "Let's just get you back in bed, hm?" I suggested, trying to somehow be careful with her and yet try to make her move quickly at the same time in her uneasy state of balance.  "Stop apologizing," I added, feeling like that somehow made it worse.  I got her back to her bed and only let go of her when I knew she had something else to hold onto.  I realized I was trembling slightly as if I was the one who had been tortured or something.  I slid my hands into my pockets to try to keep June from seeing that.  "And I was not about to let you fall and crack your head open.  I don't need to give Draco any more reasons to hate me," I said lamely, trying to joke about it.