I can normally push you right out of my heart, but I'm too tired to fight -- February 2017 (DONE)

It was an icy, blistering cold outside, but still I went to the cemetery.  That was where Addison and our unborn child were lain to rest.  They had tried to save them both, but they could not.  I stood there, letting the wind bite at my cheeks, freezing the tears that were falling from my eyes.  I knelt down and put roses in front of each tombstone.  "If I had been one of them so long ago... I may have been able to save you," I said hoarsely, tears catching in my throat as I spoke to no one.

Something was tugging at me to go to Addison.  So I went.  I walked into the cemetery and saw a person kneeling in front of her tombstone.  I recognized the blonde hair.  I walked up behind him, I knew what it was like to lose a child that you never met.  Putting differences aside would be the best thing to do right now.  "Malfoy... Draco, I am sorry I couldn't save them," I told him sincerely.  It tore me apart.

The wind whistling in my ears so loud, I had not even heard him approach from behind.  I closed my eyes and stood up.  I did not even care that tears were evident on my face - they were frozen there anyways.  "It was not your fault, Dean," I said quietly.  "Riddle is worse than his father ever was.  It's just taking longer for him to show his true colors."

We were both blaming ourselves for something we could do nothing to change.  We stood in silence for a moment while it had started to add snow to add to the icy mix falling around us already.  It was taking a lot not to argue with him, but I could see it written all over his face the anguish that he was feeling.  Draco had always hid any feeling besides cockiness from everyone at school, so this was entirely new to me.  "Addie and I lost a child while at school... I might be able to help, if you'd like," I offered.  I had nearly killed myself with everything that had happened that year -- between the baby and Addie being lost, drugs were my friends.  I would hate to see someone, even Malfoy, fall into their grasp.

I nodded, remembering Addie saying that before.  We did more than just shag and snog.  Even in school when we had our fling, we talked.  She probably knew more of the real me than anyone at school -- besides Juniper, of course.  "Ian had a twin... she died when they were six," I said, leaving out the part that Lucius and Pansy were the ones who formulated that one.  "Unfortunately, a loss of a child is something I know about all too well."

I had never known that Draco had two children before.  There was a lot more to Malfoy than I could have imagined.  I recognized the pain he was in -- I had been right there plenty of times.  "I am so sorry," I said.  I knew that I had made these past couple of months miserable for him due to not letting him even come to the wake to say goodbye to Addison.  It had been too painful for me; I was just being selfish.  The bitter cold had made it's way to numb my hands even though they were gloved.  "I always thought that you were an egotistical, spoiled prat.  Now I'm coming to realize that you're really not."

I ran a hand through my hair and chuckled slightly.  "That's okay... I thought the same thing about you," I told him honestly.  "It's not like either one of us ever went out of our way to not hate each other.  It was easier to hate each other than to realize that we each had our own struggles we were coping with."  I knew that our struggles were entirely different back then, but they were real.  The sad thing is that we had been so wrapped up in our own trials that we do not see what others were doing.  It was not just Dean and I... I just meant in general at school.

That brought a slight smile to my lips.  A lot of people had said I was egotistical... well, still am according to most.  I shivered and looked at Malfoy; he looked miserable.  "If you want to continue talking... we can head over to that cafe down the street and not freeze to death," I suggested.  I felt like I owed it to Addison -- despite everything she had caused and done -- to at least try with Malfoy to make sure he was going to be okay.  It was something Addie would have done had it been the opposite situation.

I looked over at him.  It reminded me of something Juniper had said to me a long time ago about all of them not being all that bad.  I suppose she was right about that.  I nodded and we trudged through the mess and entered the cafe.  The heat was greatly welcomed on my freezing body.  We sat in a booth, each of us ordering something quite warm to drink.  "I would just like you to know, Dean... what had happened between us... never in a million years did she think she would ever cheat on you," I told him quietly.  He had to know that.  "She was just having a rough night and so was I... and then it escalated.  I'm sorry to have done that to you and your kids."  I was actually being sincere about that as well.

I nodded, taking a sip of the warm tea that I had ordered.  "I know," I said.  Once I had been done being all pissy about it, I did attempt to understand.  I still did not fully understand until I had seen Malfoy at their graves.  "I tried to save her.  Despite everything, I still loved her.  And that was really what ended up killing her..."  I still beat myself up about that.  If I had not been so stupid, I may have been able to keep her and the baby alive.  That poor child never stood a chance.

Shaking my head at Black, I refuted:  "You didn't kill them.  Riddle did.  And I will go after him for that."  There was no doubt in my mind that I would.  And God help those souls who tried to stand in my way.  This is what Juniper always tried to prevent -- me going to the dark side.  But I had continued to fight against it... but after that much loss, I had to take action.

The tone of his voice made me look up from the steam coming up from the hot liquid in the mug in front of me.  He looked like a true Slytherin at the moment, something I should have expected, though.  "Don't go on a manhunt just for revenge.  I believe a lot of people want to get at Riddle -- me included.  He was the one who blinded my son and put me in that bloody chair."  I knew that I was not helping the situation with revenge, but it made me just so angry.

I got the most wild of ideas when Dean said that.  I looked at him.  "We could always do it together.  Two minds are better than one," I suggested, hoping that he would think I was just joking if he would not want to join forces with me.  A Malfoy and a Black... Lucius would kill me.  Though it might not necessarily be the worst of scenarios to happen... except I did have Ian to think about.

I nearly coughed up the tea I was attempting to swallow.  I stared at him and was having a hard time deciding if it were a real proposition or merely a joke.  "Er... what?" I asked, wondering what on earth Malfoy was saying or wanting to do.

I should have known that he would not be okay with what I had suggested.  I shook my head.  "It was nothing," I said quietly, fiddling with the napkin in front of me by my mug.  Instinctively I stopped due to having been trained like a lap dog by Lucius that such behaviors were not okay, least of all while in public.