All you can see is revenge, you can't even see reality -- February 2017

I got back to the house after yelling at Remus so badly at school.  I just ended my friendship with Remus.  I was so tired of him... and slammed the front door behind me and grabbed something that was close to me and threw it at the wall.  I was just so angry that I could nto help it.  "That bastard!" I shouted, not entirely sure if Lily was home or not.

I had walked into the living room, looking at him. " Something wrong?" I asked him as he looked enraged. I knew how he was though. He needed the okay to vent sign. " What happened?"

"I am so done with Remus," I shouted.  I started to pace and ran a hand through my hair.  "He's keeping him there!  I am not okay with any of this!  Ly told me that she did not like the idea of going back with him still in the castle.  And yet Remus won't listen!"  I glared and turned to face Lily.  I did not want to take it out on her, but she was allowing me to vent.  So she knew how I got.

I walked right into the living room and sat down on the couch and let him vent. I interjected, " Remember she will be uncomfortable with everyone for a while.." I told him. " He has to deal with three parties James. She is a niece to him...how do you think he feels knowing that happened and one of the students did that to her.." I suggested.

I paced in front of her and shook my head.  "I don't care!  You would think that he would put Lyla first!  Malfoy is a monster... he did that to my little girl!" I said, turning to face Lily.  "I'm tired of him protecting people like that.  He has this undying need to be liked!  And he's taken it too far!"

" James, he did put her first....he wrote us and had everyone come in to discuss it....when you calm down we can chat..but for now...keep going...get it out...He needs to be liked you were saying?" I asked him as I urged him to continue venting in my hopes it would help him calm down. The more anger he let go...the faster he would become back to being himself. " I won't deny that Malfoy is a monster"

I nodded, kicking the leg of the coffee table just because I was so angry.  I needed to be violent.  I ran both hands through my hair and gripped at my hair momentarily.  i wanted to just pull it all out at the moment.  "That's his biggest failing, Lily.  Remus needs to be liked by everyone... and that's why he's keeping Malfoy there.  So his parents still have some modicum of respect for him.  But you know what? He has lost all of mine.  I am so done with him," I said, shaking my head.  I was shaking because I was so angry.

I nodded, listening to the venting. I knew he wouldn't be done with him. When he gets like this he is just impossible to reason with. So I nodded as I folded my arms together and waited for JAmes to come to his senses.

"i'm just... I'm just..." I could not even finish my thought.  I was running out of steam.  I nearly collapsed into the chair and I stared at Lily.  "I don't even think I can look at him anymore.  I don't see the man that I grew up with... he's not there anymore."

I nodded as I got up and went over to him. " You are just angry....give it some time....you'll cool off and maybe you'll both be able to talk to one another." I suggested to him. " You'll see it again...it's a tough thing to do juggle three very different groups of people.." I said as I leaned on the arm of the chair running my hand through his hair.

I looked up at Lily.  "I punched him," I admitted quietly, guilt starting to come into play.  I punched one of my best mates in the jaw.  What was wrong with me?  First I kill Peter with my bare hands... now I'm punching Remus... will I ever do anything to Sirius?  And was I really losing myself so much that I could no longer differentiate who was friend adn who was foe?

I didn't hear him all the way. " Pardon...what was that?" I asked him. I think I heard what he said. If he did he is making this right. I do not care if we have to drag them both and lock them in a closet. " James Ryan Potter...." I said as I was waiting for an answer.

I turned my eyes away from Lily.  Whenever she used my full name I knew she was going to flip out on me.  "I punched him," I repeated, knowing there was no point in trying to lie to her now about it.  I still could not believe I did that.

I felt my eyes grow when he told me that. Standing upright, " You punched him?!" I repeated. " You punched one of your best friends because of a situation that was slowly being handled....James this isn't a situation that could be handled quickly. It just can't be solved with a few knocks in the jaw. " I ranted at him. " You know you have to make this right.."

I stood up as well.  "Bullshit.  He was asking for it.  He would have done worse to me and you know it.  I have a good size lump on the back of my head from him slamming me into the stone wall of the corridors -- so I think we're even," I pointed out.  It was pretty tender, too.  "And it sure as hell made me feel better... I'd probably do it again if I got the chance."  I knew Lily would be furious with me for adding that, but it was the truth.