Deep into that darkness peering, I long stood there... wondering, fearing, doubting -- Early Winter 1997

"We both know the reason," I said quietly, "we just don't want to admit we know it."  Someone would die no matter what and it was up to me to decide who it would be.  I wished that there could be a way for me not to commit murder, but I was not sure if I could find one in time.

"If we say it out loud, it becomes true." I said, "We'll find a way out of this, Draco, I promise." I would do whatever it took to make sure we explored every option we had. I wasn't going to let my brother become a murderer to protect me. I knew where to draw the line, I just hoped there was an other option.

I sighed and shook my head.  "I'm all out of ideas and options, June," I admitted to her.  "I don't see any other way... someone is going to fall."  It killed me to say that out loud.  I did not know who exactly was going to fall, but someone would.  He would make sure of it.

I took a shaky breath. Draco was probably right, someone would fall, and I was going to make sure it wasn't him. "We'll get through this like we always do." I explained, giving him an encouraging smile that only made it to half a smile, "And how is that?" I prompted him to finish the sentence. Together, we could do anything and I had to believe this was no exception.

I rolled my eyes at her.  Instead of finishing the sentence the way I knew she wanted me to, I finished it my own way.  "You are such a pain," I teased.  "But I'm grateful you're around... this life would kill me if I didn't have you."  I gave her a sad little smile because that was the truth.

"Hum," I said with a single nod, "Not exactly what I was looking for but I will give you points for creativity." I turned to my brother, "but you lost those points for calling me a pain." I informed him as seriously as I could manage, hoping to lighten the mood. I couldn't hold my laugh in anymore, I knew now wasn't the right time to make a joke but I really wanted to try to make Draco laugh, even if just for a moment. Once I had settled down I sighed at his last comment. "The feelings mutual Draco, I don't know what I would do without you."

People must think we were mad for being able to add humor to something like this.  But we needed it.  It was one of the few ways we could make it through.  I chuckled slightly and shook my head.  "See?  A pain," I pointed out jokingly.  "And that's why we're in it together."  I gave her the answer she wanted, but it was also the truth.  If we did not have each other, we both would have been lost in some way long before now.

I stuck my tongue out at him, happy my joke had worked slightly. "I know I'm a pain and you still love me." I smiled when he finally said together. "Together we can do anything." I reminded him. We were always stronger together then we were apart. "We will get through this, even if just barely. And if just barely happens, know I will always be there to help make sure you will always be okay."

I looked at her with one eyebrow raised slightly.  "You're saying thaat as if I will be the one who barely makes it through," I said, shaking my head.  "Think I'm the liability here?" I flashed her a half smile to show I was giving her a hard time, but if it came down to it she was probably right.  I would nto let them harm her and if I ended up not going through with the task, then I knew I would step up to take the fall and no one else.

I rolled my eyes, "I'm don't know if it will be you or me. I do know we will help each other as much as possible. Whichever one of us is barely, knows the other will help." I looked over at him, "If anyone's a liability it's me." If it weren't for me, Draco wouldn't be in this mess. I shook my head. I was not going to let anything happen to him. If he could not complete this task, I will say it was my fault and take the fall. They were going to kill me anyway if the task was not done, why not at least attempt to protect Draco before I died.

I sighed and shook my head.  "You're not a liability," I assured her.  "We'll figure this all out."  I felt cold sweat start to form on my back beneath my clothes.  I was not sure if we could figure it out, but I was sure as hell going to try; I had to.  Juniper's life was at stake and I was not going to let her go down for Father's mistake and my inability to follow orders.

"If it weren't for me, your decision would be a bit easier." I sighed and nodded. We would try to figure this out but I feared we had gone through all the options, none of which seemed to work best. It would be a lesser of two evils kind of situation I was afraid. I shook my head, wishing I could switch spots with Draco so he didn't have to deal with any of this. He didn't deserve it.

She kind of had a point, but I was not going to agree with her vocally on that one.  "That's not true.  They would still be threatening Mother and Father," I pointed out.  Though it would be easier to choose.  I was almost positive they would not kill Mother -- Aunt Bellatrix had too much pull with the Death Eaters.  And as for Father, he would actually pay for his mistake rather than me.  My own life did not matter at this point.  I was tired of being a pawn in their never ending game.

"And that's a lie." I replied. Mother would be okay thanks to Aunt Bellatrix and Father would actually know what it was like to clean up his own messes, I almost smiled at the thought. "Our parents are one thing, I'm different." It was the same for me, if they had thread Mothers and Father versus Draco, I would have to say the outcome maybe different. I wasn't sure if that made me a bad person but, right now, all I cared about was Draco and getting him out of this task. I wasn't sure if would be able to pull off that one.

I stopped and stared at her, things in my mind making me think hopefully ridiculous things.  "June... please tell me you're not trying to get yourself out of the equation," I said quietly.  I needed her.