Deep into that darkness peering, I long stood there... wondering, fearing, doubting -- Early Winter 1997

"That makes one of us," I said sarcastically at her comment, though a small smile was still on my lips.  I was just giving her hell.  "Your twin will figure something out... nightmares are the least of his concerns right now."  I shook my head.  I knew they would only intensify as time went on.

My face fell even more, "I'm sorry." I apologized, for both saying the comment and what he was going thorough. "Your twin will help you in whatever way she can." I assured. "Remember, she's making you a dreamless sleep potion."

I put a hand on her shoulder to help her feel better.  I did not necessarily mean taht as a jab towards her, it was just the truth.  "And your twin is banking on it to work, too," I added, giving her a small smile.  "He'll start getting crabby if he doesn't get sleep..." I trailed off, knowing I was already rather moody with people.

"You mean my twin can get more crabby?" I asked sarcastically with a small smile back. "I didn't think it was possible." I hoped he didn't take it personally, we were both just trying to lighten the mood. I stuck my tongue out at him for good measure.

I ran a hand through my hair.  "He has been bad, hasn't he?" I said, shaking my head at myself.  I knew that things were so strained in my own mind, it really was a wonder anyone else in the House tolerated me.  But I had a feeling that was just out of fear anyways.

"Yes, yes he has." I said with a small laugh. "But he must have a ton on his mind right now." I said more serious. There was a lot on my mind right now so I could only imagine what was going on in his head.

I shook my head.  "I would love to just be able to empty my mind of everything that's happened since summer so I could attempt to be normal again," I said, a humorless chuckle escaped my lips.  "Can you believe I'm actually wishing for what we had before?"  We were miserable before and I was wishing to be like that again.  Anything was better than this.

"Apparently, lots has happened since then." And I had to find out like this. I shook my head. "It may not have been glamorous but it was a hell of a lot easier then this." I sighed, our lives may not have been perfect but we understood what was happening. This felt more like an out of control train with no hope of slowing down. There had always been a right decision, back and white, this task had more areas of grey then either of us were used too.

A lot has happened since those good old days of mere months ago.  I always had to talk the talk, but to walk the walk was entirely different.  I had believed in some of the talk, too, but never enough to go to this extreme.  I always felt like Father tried to brainwash us... if it were not for Juniper, I was sure that he would have succeeded with me.  "But at least we've still got each other.  That'll never change," I said, attempting to look on the brighter side of things -- something I was hardly able to do anymore.

I looked over at my brother and smiled. I took his hand and squeezed gently, "Together we can get through anything." I agreed. "Including this." Father always wanted us to act in certain ways and be people we really weren't. When we were younger I tried to be the person he wanted me to be but I never could impress him. I knew Draco was better at that then I was but I was still happy we could be ourselves when it was just us. "We will get through this."

"I am so glad you have more faith than I do about that," I told her.  I had a feeling that without her that I would end up failing miserably or be driven mental by all of this.

I gave a small laugh, I knew that if I didn't have him, I would've been done with everything a long time ago. He was the one who had made sure I had gotten through everything. "I have more faith in this, you've always had more faith in me. And I'll always have faith in you."

I smiled at her.  "See?  I keep you around for a reason," I teased, glad that there were still things that could brighten the darkness that seemed to be surrounding me these days.  "You're a fantastic ego-booster."  I nudged her playfully with my elbow slightly.

I smiled at him, "Maybe I keep you around for the same reason." I laughed with him, happy he could find things to laugh about with everything that seemed to be going on. I knew there were hard times ahead, but we would get through this. I had to believe that we would.

I raised my eyebrows at her.  "I didn't think I boosted your ego that much," I said to her.  "I'm pretty sure I tend to be the cockier of the two of us.."  It was definitely true.  It helped me keep up appearances that Father wanted throughout the years.  But it would not be that easy if I was not already a little cocky to begin with.