You cannot save everyone, you can only love them -- Fall 2001

I had a glass of wine in my hand and I was expecting Millie coming over.  I needed to tell her about the news with Keegan.  The twins were both in their beds taking their naps.  I heard a knock and took a big drink.  I went to the door and answered it, seeing Millie.  I pulled her inside and hugged her.  "Millie... we finally got the results from all the tests with Keegan," I said to her, as if it robably was not obvious.

I was kind of startled by the way that Pansy pulled me within the confines of their home, but with the glass of wine and the tear filled eyes, I realized that it was not good news at all.  I nodded and took her to the living room couch and made Pansy sit down.  "Take it easy," I said to her.  "Tell me everything when you're ready."

I nodded and took a big drink of the wine.  I took a few deep breaths and then looked at Millie.  "Keegan is autistic," I said to her.  Unfortunately, Millicent did not realize with the Malfoys what that meant.  What were we going to do?  Draco knew that his father would not be okay with this.  And with everything they have forced us to do, I was starting to realize how in trouble we were with this news.

I nodded slowly as Pansy spoke.  I knew what I wanted to say -- that her daughter was an abomination to the wizarding world -- but I kenw better than to say it.  Especially with the times changing around us after the Dark Lord fell.  I sighed.  "I'm so sorry," I said to my mate.  I knew that was a safe response.  It was horrible to have your child diagnosed with something -- especially when it was something like this.  It could possibly be as bad as having a squib in the family.  Keegan would unable to do magic -- and if she did do magic, well, the consequences might be horrible.  I hoped Pansy knew that.

I looked at Millie and attempted a grateful smile.  "Thank you," I said to her.  "There are just so many things running through my mind... especially with the Malfoy family and stuff... I just don't know what to do."

I nodded.  Of course the Malfoy family would not be pleased about any of this.  "Keep it a secret," I said to Pansy.   It would be wise to hide this from everyone for a little while at least.

I had a difficult time figuring out if Millicent meant that as a nice thing or keeping it a secret because she herself thought it was a disgrace, and not just what she thought the Malfoys would think -- merlin, or even my side of the family.  She would not be able to perform magic and that was just as bad as having a Squibb in the family on either side.

I sighed.  Millie did have a point.  "We can't keep her a secret.  Everyone knows she's alive.  And we're not going to be able to keep her mental state a secret for long -- they are all too well aware of the twins," I explained to her sadly.

I nodded while Pansy spoke.  "You could pretend something tragic happened.  Then she would be able to be hidden," I added.  the look I received from Pansy, though, made me shake my head. 

"It could protect her from other Malfoys...." I added, trailing off.

I could not believe what I was hearing.  I was not going to hide my daughter.  "No," I said quickly.  "It would still make her a target... well, a much easier target.  If there was a pretend accident, then they would definitely make one happen for sure."  I sighed, biting my lip.

"Draco and I will find a way to protect her," I said softly.  "We always do... just... keep this between us, okay?  I don' twant anyone to come after her or antyhing until Draoc and I are prepared for the... attack."  I was not entirely sure what else to call what may come.

I nodded.  I had a feeling that this would not be kept secret for long.  "Pansy, just be careful.  They will not take kindly to her by any means," I warned her.

"I know that," I said to Millicent.  Did she really think that I needed to be reminded about that?  I sighed.  This was not the time for me to be arguing with my best mate.  "I know... I'm sorry to snap, Millie.  It's just stressful."

I had to tell Vincent about this.  But I also did not want to ruin my best mate's life or her daughter.  I sighed, torn on what to do.  "It's quite alright," I said to Pansy.  "I know you know what you have gotten into.  It's just.... even though the Dark Lord is gone... old standards have not gone with him."

I suddenly realized that millicent was not as close of a friend as she should be.  She was going to say something, I could just sense it.  I knew my daughter might be put in danger.  "You mustn't tell," I said to her suddenly.  "Millicent, you know you can't."

I looked over at Pansy and shook my head distractedly.  "No, of course not," I said to her smoothly.  "I know how worried and scared you must be."

I was not entirely sure if Millie would keep this a secret, but she already knew, so there was nothing I could do about that.  "I am," I admitted.  "I don't know what Draco is going to do."