I want to stay in love with my sorrow -- Fall 1996

I wanted to have some fun and I knew just hte person to go to.  I found her and wrapped my arm around her as we walked.  "I think we need to go have a good time," I told her, feeling like I needed a hit or something.  I looked at Morgan with raised eyebrows knowing she would deifnitey hook me up with whatever I wanted.

I loved the fact that I finally had Dean.  I looked at him.  "And what exactly are you thinking?" I asked him.  I knew of only two reasons Dean came to find me... and as much as I wish it were more than for sex and drugs... this was alright.  I at least was getting some action.  It did hurt to see him with other girls though... because that happened a lot,too.

I kissed Morgan's forehead.  I was starting to think about the reality of not having the love of my life.  So it was definitely time for a hit.  "I'm sure yo know exactly what I'm thinking," I whispered, nibbling at her hear as we walked.  I wanted to get stoned and to have wonderful, steamy, hot sex.

He sent goosebumps down my spine and I actually iggled.  I took him down to a quiet little area in the basement of the castle... a place only the slutty Hufflepuffs typically knew about.  I opened my bag and puled out my wand.  I summoned what we wanted so I didn't need to search all the nooks and crannies that were in this area.  The little baggie of pills and the bottle of firewhiskey came to me.  I popped only enough pills to give me a light buzz with the alcohol and took a swig to wash them down.  I started ot kiss Dean passionately.

I pushed Morgan up against the wall as I kissed her neck.  I pulled away and drank some firewhiskey and popped a good handful of pills into my mouth.  I moved my hand up her skirt along her thigh.  "I love being risky like this," I said, feeling nearly instantly the effects of the pills and alcohol.

I unbuttoned his shirt and ran my hands across his hard, smooth abs.  I grabbed the bottle from him and drank.  I kissed him again, loving the eagerness behind every move, every kiss.  I thought I heard movement but perhaps it was becauseDean went to grab the bottle again.  But then I saw her.  I just smiled and adjusted my skrit slightly.  "Oh, sorry," I said sarcastically.  I really didn't care if she saw us.  I wanted her to.

I walked down the hallway from the common room and came across the two people I did not want to see ever:  Dean and Morgan.  I knew all too well what they were doing.  I did not say a word but just turned and walked away trying to hold back the tears.  I kenw I had no right to say who Dean could snog after ending it... but the person he was acting like just was not him.

I turned when Morgan said something and I saw Addison turn around. I started to go after her, but Morgan held me back along with my guilt.  I ripped my arm away from Morgan.  I grabbed the bottle of firewhiskey and also the pills, popping a few more into my mouth before starting to walk away.

"Dean... where are you going?" I asked, trying to keep up with him.  That bitch was totally going to ruin this afternoon.  He had actually come to me!  I really did not want him to leav.

I turned and glared at her.  "Morgan... I'm leaving," I told her.  I pocketed the rest of the pills and kept hold of the bottle of alcohol.  I wanted to forget the look of Addie's face that was floating in my mind.  I just needed to forget about all of this.

I put a hand on his shoulder to try to keep him iwth me.  I wanted himt o stay... I kissed him.  "Stay... I can help you," I told him softly, nibbling at his ear.

I moved past her and would not let her touch me again.  "Are you deaf, Morgan?  I said I'm leaving," I spat, storming off and popping more pills into my mouth as I did so.  I needed to do something... I was still feeling guilt... still feeling everything for Addison.  Clearly the pills and firewhiskey were not making me orget.  So what was I going to do?

I walked around the castle, avoiding any teachers along the way the best I could.  I went up to the AStronomy Tower and sat on the very edge, my legs hanging over the edge.  I looked over the grounds and took another swig.  The risk of falling and the numbness the drugs were giving me was an excellent combination... the only thing I was thinking of was keeping my balance and I felt absolutely nothing.

I had seen Dean go up into the out of bounds stronomy Tower.  I figured that the way his eyes looked bloodhsot from across the hall that it was not a good combination.  I knew things were not going well for him, so I needed to proceed with caution.  Where I saw him made me proceed with even more caution than I initially thought.  I tapped my knuckles on the door as I closed it.  I did not want to startle him into falling off of the edge.

I heard a knock and it surprised me that it seemed odd someone would knock.  It was a public place... why knock?  I turned my head and looked over my shoulder.  Busted.  It was Uncle Remus... damn.  "Come have a seat," I said, laughing and tapping the seat next to me.  "Have a drink with me."  I held up the bottle of firewhiskey.  I figured may as well offer since I was already busted... let's have some fun with my uncle.

I walked up to the edge but stood next to Dean.  I wanted to be well aware in case he fell or soemthing.  I smiled slightly and took the bottel from him.  I did take a swig, but did not hand him the bottle back.  He did not ened it.  "What are you doing?" I questioned.