The bitterness of one who's left alone -- Summer 1992

It was so nice to have someone to talk to again.  Jeremy and I, since we ran into each other ten years ago, got close again.  We were eating some brunch at my house while we talked.  "Is Max excited for his second year?  Dean and Lenni talk of nothing else," I said, chuckling.  Of course the kids could barely speak civilly to each other.  I was so grateful of having another adult relationship outside of my family.  I needed this to be able to handle Dean and Elena.

I chuckled and nodded.  "Definitely," I said.  "Much better than last year.  He was apprehensive before his first year -- it had been just me and him as you know.  But this year is completely different."  I took a bite of the bagel I smothered with cream cheese and jam.

I wished I could relate.  "Dean couldn't wait to get to school... get out of here," I said, shaking my head.  Dean always was quite difficult.  "Lenni was excited, too, for day one.  But... I don't know.  She fights a lot in school... it's just..."  I trailed off, shaking my head.  Sometimes I could nto help but feel overhwelmbed by all of this.  Raising two kids by myself iwth a husband in Azkaban for crimes he did nto commit... it was hard.  I was glad to be able to let my guard down -- with Chloe and Remus it was hard because they always wanted to help rather than just letting me vent.

I wondered how she did it.  "I can sort of understand it -- at least the single parent aspect," I told her.  "Some people help the best they can, but they don't always realize how hard it can be."

Smiling, I nodded before taking a sip of my orange juice. "Exactly!  And, for me, people ask if it's worth staying married or if I should just move on.  To be honest, I put my kids ahead of myself so much, I can't even think of that."  Besides, I loved Sirius far too much.  I would never be able to leave him... and no one would ever understand that.

People said that to me, too.  "They all wonder why I've never remarried after Sara's death, but it just hard.  I'd rather spend my time making Max happy than focusing on myself," I agreed.  There was no point in denything that.

I missed things like this.  To be honest with myself, it was nice to have male attention again, but Sirius was my soulmate.  I visited him as much as permitted.  It was just hard.  "Speaking of, where is Max?" I asked.  Ir ather enjoyed hearing about his son and really the kids in general.

I laughed and sighed slightly.  "Well," I said, "he is with his nan.  She wanted to get him the new things he needed for school."  I was grateful for my mum for helping out with Max as much as she did.

If only I still had my parents -- they would help me with the kids and mum always knew what to say to me during troubled times.  "Ah, lucky Max!  Just wait until he is too old to want to stay with grandparents," I pointed out.

"And I dread that day,," I assured Ember.  I leaned back in the chair I was sitting in.  "Where are your two lovely children?" I wondered where they were... normally one interrupted us by now.  It was as if they thought we were misbehaving or something.

I laughed.  "Well, Dean stayed with the Lupins last night.  ELena was up in her room," I asnwered.  I looked at the watch on my wrist and sighed.  "I'm sure Dean will make an appearance at one point shortly.  He normally does."  He at least let me know what he was doing -- probably at Remus's request.

That made sense.  "I can't believe that you're all still so close after all these years," I said.  Most people drifted apart after Hogwarts -- I did.

"Well, not all of us moved away like you did," I pointed out playfully.  I continued to eat some of the fruit I had put out for us.  I was about to add more when there was movement outside the dining room.  I stopped and looked to see my teenage son standing there.  "Oh, ehllo Dean," I said, smiling at my son.

I turned around and smiled.  "How ar eyou this fine morning?" I asked the young boy.  He looked rather angry, though.  What was this going to turn into?

I had come home from Aunt Chloe and Uncle Remus's house to hear voices.  I expected it was Mum and Elena, but I was wrong.  My fists were clenched by my sides.  "What is this?" I demanded, ignoring the pleasantries.