Say something, I'm giving up on you -- Summer 1992 (DONE)

It was not that long since I had gotten home from Hogwarts for the summer holiday.  It was the end of my second year -- I was already counting down the days to when I start my third year in August.  I was upstairs reading when I heard my father come home.  I sighed heavily, waiting for him to yell up the stairs to see what was going on or to just yell at me for not doing something that I actually did do.  It did not come right away, but I did hear his voice say my name.  Something was different, though.  Something was wrong.  I set my book down and left my room. 

Walking slowly, I found him in his study.  He looked drained and there was a misty look in his eyes.  Who was this man I was looking at?  I knocked lightly on the door to announce my presence in case he had not hear me.  My heart was pounding in my chest.  I knew better than to get my hopes up that it might be something good.  Those days were long gone -- there had not been a good day since the day he took me to get my school things when I turned eleven.  But, then again, a thirteen year old could only act so strong.  "You called for me, Father?" I asked timidly, trying to not sound frightened like I was.

I stayed in the doorway, not entirely sure if I wanted to walk inside and be closer to him.  He just looked... I was frightened, actually.  This was not the man I was used to seeing.  I was not entirely sure if I had ever seen him look this way when Austin was still alive.  Had I?  Maybe when it was just the three of us.  But even then there was a trace of happiness.  Now there was only despair in his eyes.  "Yes, Father?" I said, letting him know that I was listening.

I had not wanted to be roped into actually stepping into the room, but my father had apologized to me.  And the way he looked... I was scared and I knew something was different.  He was being nice to me for the first time, really, since Austin's death.  I eventually sat down.  I could tell that my father was not entirely sure what to do.  I stayed silent.  I was not going to give him any reason to turn into the monster I was used to dealing with.  I took a deep breath and tensed when he finally decided to move; he reached into the desk drawer and I let out the breath slowly, not entirey sure I was in the clear.

I watched him put a little box on the desk that was between us.  He stayed silent.  I was not entirely sure what was going on and my curiosity got the best of me.  "W-What's that?" I asked, unable to believe that I stuttered.  I hardly ever did that.  I went through a stage when I was younger when Austin died, but I overcame that.  For the most part.  Which was why I was quiet a lot.  That was another reason for my parents to beat me or yell at me.  I tensed up again, though, because he would normally yell at me when I did stutter and I did not want to give hiim a reason... and I think I just did.

I just stared at the cufflinks that were inside the box that he was giving to me, trying to recover from flinching as if none of this was a big deal.  He was right.  I did not want them; I wanted nothing to do with this family.  I just wanted out.  I wanted to keep my mouth shut and not do anything to make him yell at me, but how could I not speak up when he promised to make things change.  Instead of saying anything, I just stood up, shaking my head, and laughed.

I stopped and turned to look at my father.  I did not care at all that he looked really hurt on the other side of that desk.  "You promise you're going to change this?" I asked, gesturing around me indicating my life.  "D-damn straight you can't apologize for anything you've d-done!  You two -- you've ruined my life!  W-what makes you think that I even believe a word coming from your mouth?" I yelled at him.  I picked up the box and looked at it.  "And you think that these w-will make a d-difference?" I just shook my head and threw it down, not caring where it went.  I turned around and started to head out of the study.  I was not going to believe a word that came out of that man's mouth.  He did not care.

I heard him follow me, but made sure my pace would get me to the stairs before he could put a hand on me.  I stopped when he mentioned the truth.  What truth?  I stared ahead of me, refusing to turn around.  He would not win.  But the waiver in his voice, the way he seemed to be putting it all on the line... he was still my dad.  I sighed and turned around, one hand still on the railing.  "W-what truth?" I asked, mentally kicking myself for losing control.  I needed to stop stuttering and to get my breathing under control.  I took a deep breath and walked to close the space between my father and myself.  "What truth?" I asked again, controlling my voice this time.

The mention of my brother still brought a stabbing pain to my heart.  I had always pushed aside the fact that he was doted on and I was not.  I never cared what the reason was so long as Austin was okay.  I nodded and followed my dad back to his office.  "Show me the papers," I said, wanting to see the evidence as he was speaking whatever truth had been hidden from me all this time.  I had no idea what to expect, but my curiosity was peaked and there was no other way to appease it.  I had to at least listen; I owed it to myself.

What my father had put in my hands were adoption papers -- with my name written all over them.  How could that be?  I felt tears blur my vision slightly.  I was not Austin's brother?  That could not be.  I felt a bond with him.  I looked up at my father with confusion and I tried not to let my sadness show.  I did not sit down when Father started speaking about the beginning of the story.  I clenched my jaw when he mentioned mother.  I did, however, sit down when he said what he was.  I guessed I should not have been surprised.  He was evil enough to be a Death Eater back in the day of the Dark Lord.  "And?" I said, my voice shaking.  Why did I have a feeling that he hurt me more than anything else that has ever happened to me -- besides the loss of my brother?

I could not help but scoff at that.  "You consider this saving me?" I asked, staring at him in disbelief.  I could believe that I was adopted; the paperwork showed me the proof of that part of the story.  But where was the proof that this was a better life than being massacred with the rest of my family?  The family that loved me.  I stared at my father as an entirely new monster.  The only reason why I would even continue to consider him a father was because of those few memories that I had with him and Austin in the past.