There'll be peace when you are done -- Winter/Spring 1997

I wasn't sure if I could put the past behind me, not with everything that had happened and everything that would be happening before this school year was done. I had to try though, for Lincoln and Draco. I took a shaky breath and nodded. "I'm going to try my best. I can get through this." I was trying to convince myself. If I was in this alone, I knew I wouldn't be able to stop, but with Lincoln by my side, there was hope. I gave a shy smile up to him, "Thank you," I said sincerely. "Thank you for helping me. Draco's just a bit preoccupied right now and my parents...well, thank you." I didn't really want to think about my parents anymore. My Father couldn't be bothered with his disappointment of a daughter. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and tried to let that thought pass without feeling the need to take the potion. This was going to be difficult.

"I'm glad to help," I assured her.  I just wished I had noticed sooner -- then it would not be this bad for her to quit.  I looked out across the lake.  "You'll be able to get through this.  Draco is still there for you even if he has a lot on his plate -- as am I."  I wanted her to know that no matter what may be going on, I was here for her.

I opened my eyes and smiled at him but shook my head slightly. "Draco doesn't need to get involved anymore in this. Trust me, I'm not sure if he could handle anything else right now." I sighed, "I don't really want you worrying about me either but you're not really going to give me a choice in that matter, are you?" I normally didn't have a choice in anything, so it didn't bother me as much as it should've. Besides, this was something I shouldn't have a choice in. It was the only way I was going to get through this.

Pansy Parkinson Malfoy wrote:I rolled my eyes at him.  "You know, just playing with your food does not mean you're eating it," I pointed out to him.  I wondered if he had been doing that just to make it appear like he ate food.  The way that he quickly set down his fork made me frown slightly.  "It was a joke, Draco... but you really should eat more."  I did not expect a reaction like that when I said he was just playing wiht his food.

When Pansy spoke, all I heard was my father.  I looked over at her and tried to smile apologetically.  "Sorry... I know it was a joke," I said, though we both knew I was lying.  It was harder and harder for me to keep up with my convincing lies the closer it got to the point where I needed to do what I had to do to protect my family.

I took a deep breath and sighed.  What a little liar.  "Draco, please, eat some more," I said gently.  I was sure that he was done, though.  At least he got some nutrients in his system.

I shook my head.  "There is no way to stop me from worrying about you or helping you with this, no," I said to her, smiling slightly.  "So please, don't worry about me not getting anything done.  I'm used to all of this."

"There's no way to stop me from worrying about you either." I pointed out as I looked up at him. I sighed as I shook my head slightly. "I am so sorry about all of this. I feel so stupid right now." I couldn't believe I had let it come down to this but I had to get better. I couldn't let Draco go through anything else alone and I couldn't let Lincoln worry about me anymore. "How are you used to all of this?" I asked, sounding almost defeated. "Why are you so worried about me?" I knew we were close but he was going above and beyond the call of a friend right now. I was grateful for it though, I wouldn't be able to got through this without him.

I looked over at Pansy and saw the concern in her eyes.  "I don't think I can force myself to eat anymore," I told her honestly.  "I'm sorry... I'm too worried about June and --" I stopped myself from saying anything else.  I hoped that Pansy would let it go, but I knew better.

I smiled simply at her, my half smile that was all that anyone ever got from me.  "Well, with everything that I've been through in my life," I said softly, shaking my head a bit.  "And I'm your friend... of course I'm going to be worried about you."  She was one of the few people I considered my friend, anyways.

I furrowed my brow slightly.  I put a hand on his knee.  "Alright... but is there anything else I can help you with...?" I offered, thinking that there had been more that he wanted to say, but something was keeping him from confiding in me.  Probably the fact that he thought he could nto trust me or something.

I looked up at her and shook my head.  "I'm sorry, Pansy, but there's nothing you can help me with... no one can," I said simply, a hint of sadness in my voice.

I smiled slightly at his smile, almost having to force myself to. "I'm not sure you ever had I to deal with an addiction before." I said slowly. "And I don't really like when people worry about me. It never ends well, for anyone." I thought of how Draco caring for me was causing him to complete this task or I died and it had also led to my attack, although I would never admit that out loud. I was just the disappointment, no one needed to concern themselves with me. "I really don't deserve a friend like you." I didn't deserve anyone, according to Father. The disappointment didn't deserve anything. I took a shaky breath as I started to go into my bag to take some more of the potion to clear my mind before I realized it wasn't there anymore. I took my new dragon pendent in my hand, closed my eyes and took a few deep calming breaths. I was going to have to learn to live like this again.

I shook my head.  "You're right, I haven't had to deal with an addiction, but I can handle it," I said.  I smiled slightly at her.  "Don't worry about me.  I won't have to worry about you for that long... only until you get a handle back on this," I assured her.

"You were worried about me after my attack too." I pointed out as I opened my eyes, raising my eyebrows slightly. "And you shouldn't have to 'handle it', I'm not your responsibility. I'm not anyone's responsibility." I was just the Disappointment. I sighed. "People who worry about us and people we worry about, they tend to get hurt." I tried to explain. I really didn't want to get into that topic though so I just shook my head to clear it. "I don't want you to get hurt because of me."

I sighed.  "Draco, no one can help you because you won't even let them try," I said to him.  This much I knew about him.  "You take on everything by yourself... trying to protect June from bullies and everything else... maybe you need to put your trust in someone, Draco."  I looked into his eyes and saw that he was trying very hard to hide what he was feeling from showing; I was able to get a glimpse of sadness and fear before they went into the cocky blue that everyone was used to seeing.