Before you met me, I was alright but things were kind of heavy, you brought me to life -- Fall 1991

I shrugged at his comments about Draco. "You're not the only one but he would do anything to protect me, just like I would do anything to protect him." I really wished other people could see the side of Draco only I knew but I knew why they couldn't, that was not what Father wanted. I looked up at him, "The levitation charm, Wingardium Leviosa." I wondered why he was asking, maybe to make fun of me as well. "I know, I'm stupid to not be able to do such a simple spell." I looked down and rubbed my left arm with my right hand.

I shook my head.  "No, not at all," I told her gently.  "Can I see how you were doing it?  I may have a couple of tips for you."  Most of the time it was the pronunciation of Leviosa that seemed to get students.  I figured that may be what may be wrong with Juniper's incantation -- along wiht lack of confidence.

I narrowed my eyes at him slight as I looked looked up, trying to figure him out. "Wingardium Leviosa." I said, putting the majority of the enunciation on the end of Leviosa so it sounds more like Leviosar. I also did the appropriate wand movement that Professor Flitwick had taught us. After that was done with the same result, I shook my head, "Why are you helping me?" I asked, I knew he said he like to help people who were bullied but he had gotten my bully to leave. Why was he still here? "It's not like I'm special or anything. I mean, you know who my brother is. I'm in Slytherin." I said as if that should be enough.

<< I may have to take a line from miss Hermione Granger from the movies  >>

Before I helped her, I looked over at her when she asked me the question.  "It doesn't matter who you're related to or what House you're in," I said quietly.  "I don't judge people based on things that don't really matter in the long run.  Everyone is different - no matter how they were raised or where they end up.  And it appears as if there are two things you need to help perform this charm," I pointed out, quickly changing the subject.  I did not get into deep, personal matters and I had a feeling that this would end up diving below the surface quickly if I did not divert the situation.  

"One, it's levi-oh-sa, not levi-oh-sar," I explained.  "Emphasis on the 'o'.  Second, you need confidence.  Lack of confidence will lead to lack of ability."  Little did my family know that when they used that phrase against me it would end up actually helping me at school.  They all saw me as a coward and stupid at home; at least I was proving them wrong on one account.  And little did they know how brave I truly was to stand up for Austin for as long as I could until he died.  They all expected me to be sorted into Slytherin, but I was grateful that did not happen.

<< >>

I listened to his explanation. I had never met someone quite like him. All my family cared about was about our reputation and blood status, clearly he was different. I liked it. He was right, everyone was different and stuff like that shouldn't really matter. Suddenly, he went into what I was doing wrong on the spell and I knew the topic was off the table. I gave a humourless laugh, "I mind as well give up now then. I know I can't do it. Everyone says so. I didn't develop my magic until just a few years ago." I shook my head. My Father always told me I was behind everyone else. "Maybe by next year, I'll be able to." It what I had told myself for the long wait between Draco developing his magic and me developing my own. I wanted to prove my family wrong but how could I when everything they were saying was turning out to be true?

"So prove them all wrong," I told her simply.  "Sometimes something like that can motivate a person to do extraordinary things."  I wish I could do something to my own family to prove that I was not just some mistake or disappointment.  But they all viewed me as a murderer now... there was no coming back from that.  And all I did was try to keep Austin from being hit.  I sighed slightly.  "Just be patient with yourself, too.  If you get frustrated or angry, you'll lose the control you have over the incantation as well... sort of like when you first develop magic -- they say it's very common to happen in heat of the moment situations... that's when most wizards and witches, even as adults, lose control of themselves."  I tried to tell myself that was the only reason my parents did what they did to me for years... until I realized that they just loathed me for reasons unknown.

"Prove them all wrong." I repeated, that's exactly what I wanted to do, "but...." I began and realized that there were no 'buts'. I would make sure that Father knew I could do anything Draco could do at the same time, not later. I would do what he said and let it motivate me from now on as best as I could.

I gave a small laugh when he mentioned developing magic, "I can tell you mine was definitely in the heat of the moment." A smile came across my face as I remember Father shocked face, just managing to get out of the way in time as the plate I sent towards him crashed against the wall.  I had gotten in trouble for sure, but it had been worth it. I took out my wand again with a new attitude and was about to attempted the spell once more when I turned to him, "Do you think I can do this?" I needed someone to think I could, even of it was a stranger. I would try to prove them wrong on my own but I wasn't at the stage where I could have no one believe in me and be able to actually do the spell. I would somehow prove to Father that I was not the disappointment he wanted me to be. I was worth something.

I nodded at her.  "Of course you can do it," I told her honestly.  There was no sugar coating it.  I was sure she could succeed, but I was not sure if she thought she could.  "And once you get it down really well, next time she comes around... just levitate something and throw it at her."  Of course I was joking about the last part -- partially.  I tried not to condone that behavior, but if it was standing up for oneself that I was not going to hand them over to a professor or anything.

I gave a small smile up at him, he believed in me. "I won't hit her." I said, not sure if he was being serious or joking, the only person I could tell was with Draco. I sighed as I squared my shoulders and held my head high. If he thought I could do this spell, why couldn't I? I took a deep breath and put my wand at the ready, putting all my concentration and belief into making the leaf float. "Wingardium Leviosa." I did the appropriate wand movements and the leaf slowly rose from the ground, hovered for a moment, then fell back down. My face fell, "I knew I couldn't do it." I hated the fact I had let him down, it seemed like that was all I could do.

I shook my head slightly.  "Do you always give up this easily?  I don't know of many people who get things done perfectly on their first try," I told her.  There was no reason for her to get down on herself because she did not do it the best.  "You still got it in the air even though it fell quickly."

Father always said real witches and wizards got everything right all the time, but Lincoln had a good point. "Not many people in my class could get it yet." I said slowly. Maybe Father wasn't always right. "I guess I did get it up..." A small smile came across my face as I looked up at him. "It was kind of a success, I guess." I wasn't sure what to think. I had gotten the leaf to levitate slightly but it had fallen. I knew Father would call it a failure but should I?

"You just need practice," I assured her.  There was no point in discrediting herself with it being one of her first times actually succeeding with it.  "I'd say it was a success, just that you need to work on it more to give it more air."

"Practice," I repeated with a nod, "I best start now." I smiled up at him and turned my attention back to the leaf. If he called it a success, then so would I. Who cared what Father thought? I forced all thoughts of Father and home out of my mind and focused on the leaf and in believing in myself that I could do the spell. I held out my wand and preformed the spell, this time I was able to make the leaf raise so it was almost at my waist before it fell. I looked up at him, "It's getting there, I guess."

I nodded, trying to assure her.  "You must have people adding so much pressure on you," I commented, thinking that had to be the only way someone could discredit themselves this much.  "A little tip, though, maybe don't flick at the end so sharply.  Make it more of a fluid type of motion."  I pulled out my own wand.  "Sort of like this:  Wingardium leviosa."  I swished and flicked my wand smoothly and the leaf fluttered into the air.  I kept it hanging there for a moment and then let it fall back down to the ground.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I guess you could call it pressure although I prefer impossible expectations, Father calls it reality. I figure it all about perspective. "You mean more like this?" I switched and flicked as smoothly as I could while saying the spell. The leaf rose slightly but stayed in the air. I guided it a bit high and it followed. My eyes widened as I was the one who placed it back on the ground. A huge smile came across my face as I looked at him. "I did it!" I allowed myself to celebrate for a moment before returning to reality. "Now if only I can get it again."