Here's to the damned, to the lost and forgotten -- Spring 2005

I stopped pacing and stared at Pansy through tear filled eyes.  "You conspired with him to get Keegan killed!  You were her mother!  How could you do that?" I asked her loudly, the pain evident in my voice.  I could not believe she thought she could keep this hidden from me!  How dare she!  She had to have known I would find out eventually -- I needed to get to the bottom of my daughter's death... 

<< Yay!  900!!   >>

I stood up quickly, appalled.  "I did not conspire with anyone to have my own daughter killed!" I shouted back, completely in disbelief.  What was he saying?  "What are you going on about, Draco?  I would never do that!  I married you just to protect them!  I went through all of that just to keep them alive!  How dare you accuse me of trying to get her killed!"  I was shaking, I was so angry.

I scoffed at her.  "Lucius told me all about your discussion, Pansy," I pointed out angrily.  I set the glass down so I would nto throw it at the wall.  i would never hit her or Ian, but I could see myself breaking items that could be fixed.  "All about how you two made up a plan!  I can't believe this."  I shook my head, not even wanting to look at my wife, but knowing that I needed to so that way I could tell if she was telling the truth or not.  I could normally tell things like that with people.

I opened my mouth to argue, but closed it for a moment.  What was he going on about?  I furrowed my brow slightly.  Oh, my God.  Lucius took that one conversation I had about my doubts and stress... that was the only time I mentioned my worries and concerns.  I had never expected Lucius to do something like this!  I shook my head, tears coming to my eyes.  "Draco, I never made any sort of plans with your father!" I shouted back at him.  "I admitted doubts and fears only because I could not talk to you about any of it!  But I would never have wanted this to happen to her!"

Her words stung.  She had to know she could always speak to me about things.  I stared back at her.  "After everything I have told you about him... what did you expect him to do?  That was practically you begging him to deal with the problem, Pansy!  Have you learned nothing from being in this family?!" I yelled, shaking my head.  How could she not realize that?

I wiped tears from my eyes as I shook my head.  "I didn't know!  Draco, please, just calm down," I added, not wanting Ian to come down to us fighting, though I was sure our voices carried up to his bedroom.  "Please... you have to believe me.  I never wanted Keegan killed... I never really realized how bad he was..." And that was the truth.  He always had a mask when I was around and so I never thought he was as bad as what Draco said he was.

I heard shouting and I had gone down the stairs slowly.  Mummy and Daddy were fighting about Grandpa and Keegan.  Was it because of what I told Dad about that man who took her?  I walked into the room where they were.  "Is this my fault?" I asked timidly.

I opened my mouth to shout something back at Pansy when a little voice stopped me.  I closed my mouth and looked down at my son.  I shook my head at him.  "Of course this isn't your fault," I assured him as gently as I could since I was still shaking with anger.  I bent down to his level.  "Why do you think that?"

This was what I had wanted to avoid - Dorian seeing us fighting this badly.  I wiped my eyes quickly and looked down at Ian, trying to smile reassuringly at him.  "Your dad's right," I said to him.  "This definitely isn't your fault."  I wanted to get things back to normal so Ian would not feel so badly about what was going on.  And maybe leaving Draco alone would let him calm down slightly.

I looked up at Dad and answered, "Well... I told you what I had seen and now you're arguing about Grandfather and everythign that happened with Keegan."

I shook my head at Ian.  "It was a good thing you told me that, Ian," I assured him.  "Now I know exactly what happened to your sister... and I'm going to make sure it won't ever happen to anyone else."  I looked past my son and to Pansy.  It was hard to read her.  Was she really that naive to think that she could have gone to my father and spoke of insecurities and him not do something about it?  Or was she lying to me so I would calm down and still be here with her?

I met Draco's gaze and I hoped that he believed me.  I sighed and put a hand on Ian's shoulder.  "Why don't we get things around for supper, hmm?" I said, wanting to let Draco pull himself together and not scare our son any more than what he already had done.

I watched as Dorian and Pansy went into the kitchen.  I did not necessarily enjoy the fact that Pansy was going to cook, but then again, I honestly did not care that much.  I probably would not be joining her.  I had no idea what to think.  Was she really that naive to think that what she did did not cause our baby girl's death?  I poured myself another drink and downed it as quickly as I could.

When Ian and I got into the kitchen, I realized I was shaking slightly.  "So, what woudl you like for supper?  Whatever you want," I said to him, trying to keep the shakiness out of my voice.  Ian did not need to hear any of that from me.  I felt horrid that he heard his father and I arguing like we had been -- especially about Keegan.

I was thinking of what Mum and Dad said when Mum asked me about dinner.  I smiled up at her, their fighting forgotten from my mind.  "Can we have macaroni and cheese with those little hotdogs you cut up to put in it?" I asked her, sounding hopeful.