Lost and Feeling Alone -- Late Spring TBD (DONE)

My mother was just telling me how excited she was since father was on the loose.  Of course, he had been allowed out on probation of some sort.  But why on earth would she think that I would be excited as well?  I was dreading going home more than usual.  I had never visited him.  I had never talked about him.  I didn't want to.  I felt no connection to him.  All he did was produce me... nothing more.  Yet Elena and my mother seemed to think I needed to be excited for his return.  After all the fights with both of them, how could they think that I'd be excited?  I shook my head, trying to rid myself of these thoughts.

I was atop the Astronomy Tower during the middle of the day so I thought I was relatively safe from interruption.  The footsteps coming up the stairs proved me wrong however.  I turned slightly to see that it was a girl.  I turned away before I could recognize her.  I really didn't want to strike up conversation.  i'd rather stay in my brooding mood.

Ron and Phoenix were both driving me insane. Why on earth did they think bombarding me was a good idea? I never said yes to Ron for a reason -- I had been with Phoenix. And I broke up with Phoenix because he was so utterly jealous he never believed me when it came down to Ron. They both followed me around like lost puppies and it drove me bonkers. I tried to be nice... tried to be patient. But there was to be none of that I suppose. So I went to the only place I could think of where they couldn't find me and where I thought I'd be alone. When I reached the top of the stairs I saw Dean Black standing looking over the grounds. I wasn't sure what to do. Phoenix and Dean got along decently. But I wasn't sure... he seemed unstable at times. And I don't blame him; if my father was in Azkaban I'd act the same way. Not that my father would ever do anything to land himself there.

"Er... hi," I said lamely. I walked slowly towards the opposite side of the railing of the tower. I had hoped to be alone. Maybe I should leave...

"Hey," I said, finally turning to look to see who it was. Addison Logan, Phoenix's girlfriend. Phoenix and I had an odd relationship... we've been through a couple random things together -- none of which I like explaining. We were friends... or at least, as close to a friend as I had at Hogwarts. I tried to keep to myself. Though I did get along with Harry, Hermione, and Ron I never considered them friends. Harry was a cousin... I never understood why Mother never tried to help him more. I felt bad for him.

I looked at Addie again. "Why aren't you with Phoenix?" I questioned. The silence seemed awkward...

I was slightly surprised he actually spoke to me. "Oh... we haven't been together for about a month now," I said with a shrug. "He was too jealous. He thinks we're just on a break... but I doubt I'll get back with him." I sighed and ran a hand through my long dark hair. It really would be pointless to start it back up with Phoenix. I looked at Dean. "You're hear because... let me guess, what was in the Prophet a couple of days ago?" I asked him. I heard his father was out -- officially -- and was able not to be in hiding or whatever the agreement was with the Ministry.

I laughed a little. I only nodded slightly. I really didn't feel like getting into the whole thing. "Oh yes... and I'm supposed to ecstatic that he's coming home, too," I said, surprising myself that I even said anything at all. "Elena and mother are so pleased... they believe he was innocent the whole time. I know what Potter claims... and I'd love to believe it was true. I do believe that he is back -- I'm not in the dark like the Ministry... but I just don't know if I can believe my father. If he had cared at all about his family, he wouldn't have gone looking for Pettigrew in the first place."

I moved closer to him a little bit. I had no idea what lied beneath the surface of Dean who was always quiet and mysterious. "What do you truly think? There has to be something in your heart or mind telling you what to believe..." I felt really bad for Dean. He seemed so... lost and alone. My heart went out to him. We looked at each other in the eyes... his beautiful blue eyes. They were hiding something... I thought I saw fear in them. It was like he didn't want to admit that he wanted his father perhaps.

I looked into Addie's eyes -- pure and innocent. She wasn't going to end up running off and telling everyone anything I said. Her eyes told me that. "I just want to hear it from him," I said quietly, looking away and back across the grounds. "I'll be able to tell if he's lying or not."

His voice was quiet and almost weak sounding. I walked closer to him and put my hand on his. "If that were the case, you would've visited him and known a long time ago. What's holding you back?" I asked. I knew we had never had a true conversation before. I wasn' tsure why I was so lured by him.

There it was. What was holding me back? Everything? I sighed and looked at her. I was surprised neither of us moved our hands. "I just... I just don't want to find out he's been lying this whole time and fooling my family. It would hurt them so much to find out he really was a murderer," I confided. And it was true. I hoped I wasn't right... I hoped he was innocent for mum's and Elena's sake... but what if they were wrong? If they were it would break their hearts.

I squeezed his hand a little bit. "But, Dean, you won't know unless you open up a little bit and talk to him," I said softly. I looked at him again. I felt for him, I really did. I didn't know what he was going through; I barely understood it. But I might be able to help a little bit. "Dean... how much have you really talked to anyone in your family?"

I looked away again. "Addie... I don't think this is a good idea," I said suddenly. I wasn't sure what was going on... I couldn't think straight. Not with Addison. What was she doing to me? "You should go," I told her, looking into her eyes. There was a fire burning within me. A fire I had never felt. And why did I feel it now? Because she had gotten to me. But when we were looking at each other I saw in her eyes what I was feeling. She could feel the fire too.

I couldn't take my eyes away from his. I couldn't move... I wasn't even sure I could speak. "Dean..." I moved closer to him unintentionally. It was like I was being controlled by something else entirely. "I can help you," I finally was able to say. We had gotten so close to each other that I could practically hear his heart beating fast -- or was it mine that I was hearing?

"You actually have already," I said. Had I ever realized how beautiful she was before? No... never because I wasn't able to see past my anger and rage towards anybody else. Before I knew what I was doing or before I could even stop myself, I put a hand at the base of her neck and leaned down to kiss her. I don't know what happened. I wasn't even sure if this was real.

I hesitated, almost wanting to pull away. But what did I do instead? I melted into the kiss. I put my arms around him, pulling him closer. We tilted our heads to be able to kiss more easily. It was so gentle yet fierce... our tongues and lips melted together and we were like one. What was going on? It had only been a month since Phoenix and I... yet I really didn't care.

I was able to pull away, really not wanting to but knew we probably shouldn't be doing what we were doing. "Addison... we... I think I'm going to go," I said quietly. I turned away from her. I didn't know what was going on.