The ghost of your disappointment is haunting him -- July 1997

I nodded, "My truck's in here too. I double checked all your thinks were in your truck, which they were." I rolled my eyes slightly, I should've known I didn't need to check his truck, he was far more organized then I was. "Everything I need is right here." That's what I had been doing when I wasn't by Draco's side or attending the meetings, I was getting ready to leave with Draco once he woke up since that's clearly what he had been planning the whole time. I shook my head slightly, a small smile appearing on my face, "I can't believe we're actually leaving. No Father or Mother anymore. We're actually doing this."

I nodded and had to stop, closing my eyes, to let the pain subside.  I took a deep breath and opened my eyes again to look at her.  "Good... I should've known you'd go snooping around my things," I teased, trying to keep things light.  I was glad she did, though, it would save us time.  I sighed, moving my gaze to the door.  I had not heard anything, but I could not help but wonder what lay beyond it for me.  Of course I knew who would be on the other side, but I did not know what they had in store for me.  In their eyes, even though I had been tortured, I would appear weak and useless for being unconscious for nearly a week and, even when I woke up, not being able to go to meetings again straight away.  I would try, though, because I did not want Juniper to go to any more meetings than she already has.  I would protect her no matter what.

I rolled my eyes again. "I just knew you would have a plan for everything and wanted to help if I could. I just put the pieces together." I gave a small shrug. I saw him look towards the door and put my hand in his. "I won't let him hurt you Draco." I knew he was worried about what would happen when he left. Nothing would happen to him if I had anything to do with it. "I won't let anyone hurt you." He had protected me my whole life, I hated being back on more serious topics when we were both trying to lighten the mood, but he had to know I would do the same. I knew he would probably object but I didn't care. He was my twin and I didn't want to see him get hurt again.

I tore my gaze away from the door and back towards my twin.  I was not entirely sure who I was more frightened -- yes, I was afraid -- of... Father or the Dark Lord.  I thought that Father would be mostly insulted and want to make me pay for that.  Would the Dark Lord do anything else to me, though, for not fulfilling my duties despite the fact that I was not yet a Death Eater?  "You might be able to stop it if they want to do anything else to me," I said quietly, hating to admit that fact.  There would be no stopping it.

"I'll do anything to stop it, whatever it takes." I said. The past week had be one of the worse weeks of my life, I had no idea if Draco would survive or not until he woke up. We could get though anything else but right now, he shouldn't have to worry about getting hurt again. "There has to be something I can do." I would make sure he was okay.

<< Whoops... I forgot to put the word 'not' in his response... it was supposed to say 'you might not..."  Oh well lol >>

I knew she would do that, but I did not go through what I did this past year just for her to lay down her life and health for me.  I looked at her and sighed.  "Just make sure that you're okay," I said to her.  I knew that the meetings were horrible -- she had never had to go to one before I got injured.  And now that she had, I feared that they may have hurt her mentally even if she did not realize what they were doing to her.  It would take a while for it to wear on her -- it took awhile for me, anyways.  "As long as you're okay, I'll be fine.  I'll make it through whatever happens as long as I know you're okay."

<< you can change it if you want too, I thought it might be a mistake. That's why June didn't get too shocked that he said that so you can change it if you want...... >>

"And as long as you're okay, I'll be okay." I pointed out. I would never survive without Draco, he had to know that. "I'm okay right now Draco." I would have to convince him, he needed to worry about himself, not me. That's why I would still go to his meetings until he was okay. I wasn't going to say it out loud, but they were starting to affected me more then even I cared to admit. But I wasn't about to let him go into them the way he was. "Nothing's happened to me Draco. You need to worry about yourself." I would be fine, as long as my brother was okay.

<< Nope, it's fine.  We'll just roll with it  >>

I chuckled slightly.  "I assure you, I'm a lot better," I said simply, though I was not entirely sure.  Clearly I still had healing to do, but I was well enough to take my rightful place in the meetings so I could spare Juniper from them.  "I can fulfill my duties again... I don't want you to go to another meeting.  You don't deserve that.  Unfortunately, they are meant for me."  I knew she would do anything for me, but I really did nto want her to keep going.

"You're better in the fact that you are awake now." I said bluntly, "but that's about it." I shook my head, "I'm not going to let you go to those meetings, not yet." I knew Father, Draco and even Snape would say that they were his meetings to go to, not mine, but he wasn't ready for the mental warfare they brought, not yet. "We don't deserve any of this." I raised my hands, attempting to indicate everything that had happened to us. I sighed as I let my hands fall back down, "I know they're meant for you but right now, you are meant to get better." I told him. "Those meetings will only set you back."

When did she get so bloody stubborn?  I stared at her, debating on if it were worth arguing about.  It was because I did not want her to go anymore, but I was not sure if I could handle an argument - which would just prove her point in the end and I did not want that, either.  "We shall see... A lot can change between now and the next meeting," I said, hoping that saying nothing definite would suffice for the time being without causing us to have further discussions about it in which neither one of us would budge on how we were thinking.

I rolled my eyes slightly, "You'd need a miracle to convince me." I informed him. What he didn't realize is that I'd be going anyway. I had to make sure he was going to be okay before I would let him attend the meeting by himself. I didn't care what Father said, I would go. "But we shall see." I agreed. Hopefully we would be at Snapes by then and I could talk to him privately about all of this. I was worried about my brother, there was no telling what would happen to him when he stepped through that door. That's why I wasn't going to let him step through it alone. "I'll make sure you're okay though."

"I'll be fine," I said automatically.  That had been my mantra for the entire past year, so it was hard to break from that habit.  I wanted her to believe it, but I knew better.  Juniper never believed my lies, no matter what they were about.

"You will be," I agreed."but your not right now." I knew he was lying, we knew each other almost as well as we knew ourselves. I shook my head, "You don't need to put up a front for me, you know that right? I can handle the truth." I may not be as strong as him, but I could handle whatever it was he was going through and I would help him and I would make sure that he would end up okay. I wasn't going to let anything else happen to him, I had failed him enough as it was.

I knew she would see right through my ruse.  I looked at her when she said she could handle the truth.  I had told her a little of what I was going through -- seeing his face... those piercing blue eyes everywhere, every time I closed my eyes reliving that moment.  As for my physical pain, yes, I was putting on a strong front.  But that was the only thing I felt like I could control right now -- and I needed that.  I swallowed and looked away from her for a moment, but returned my gaze to her before I spoke.  "I don't know how to let you back in," I said to her quietly.  I had pushed her away as much as I could this past year that it was so difficult for me to even begin to get back to where we were before.  I knew she forgave me for doing that, but I was not so easily forgiving in myself for doing that to her.

I sighed and looked at Draco. It was true, we had grown distant this past year. He was trying to protect me, I understood, but it was going to be hard to get back to where we were before but he had to know I would try my best if he would. I placed my hands on his and thought about how to respond for a moment. "Well, my twin and I are getting out of here soon." I reminded him slowly. "I think a fresh start will help us a lot. Then maybe we can start being more open with each other." I realized that I had been distant with him to, although that was because he hadn't been around. I never told him who had attacked me or when I had become addicted to Lincoln's home remedy for pain but of course, he had found out. "I think getting out of here will be a great start though." Getting away from Father and not having to worry about what he might do could only lower the stress in our lives and allow us to actually focus on ourselves and each other. I nodded, agreeing with myself. "That's how we'll start to let each other back in."