The ghost of your disappointment is haunting him -- July 1997

I sighed, not entirely sure if I liked the other plan besides going to Snape's.  I looked at my sister.  "You have far more faith in my ability of control than I do," I said quietly.  I really did not think that I had that much control.  I could only imagine what would happen with everything once I stepped foot outside my bedroom door.  I almost felt as if Father was right outside the door listening to us this very second -- though I knew that even if he was, he could not hear a word we were saying.

I sighed, "You know we both have more faith in each other then we do in ourselves." It didn't matter what it was, preforming a spell when we were younger or being in control now, we would alway count on each other for faith when we ourselves we lacking. "You're more in control then I would be if I were you." I pointed out. The only thing we didn't have a plan for was Father, but he was someone you couldn't really plan for. No matter what you planned, if Father didn't want want something to happen, it didn't happen. Until now. "Draco, we're getting out of here, whether Father wants us to or not."

I nodded, but stopped.  I really needed to remember to keep my head as still as possible.  "That's only because I'm a nutter when it comes to control," I pointed out, trying to make a joke and smiling weakly, but feeling like I failed miserably.  I had been so set on getting out of here, that I really did not think much about Father's reaction to that, just to his reaction of me not being around for the meetings and such.  Would Snape make me go to the meetings still, to keep up appearances?  Probably.  He knew how important it was to do such things sometimes.

"You've always been a nutter when it comes to control." I agreed, hoping to lighten the mood even more. "But that's what has gotten us through everything before Draco." Without his planning skills, I can only image where we would be. "And it's what will get us through this too." I assured him. I knew it would, no matter if Draco didn't have faith in himself, I had enough faith in him for both of us. I was still worried about Father, but I didn't want to bring that up if Draco didn't.

She was probably right about that, but I was not going to say so.  "With any luck, we can leave from my room and not have to see Father at all," I said quietly.  "Though... I know I'll end up having to go to meetings -- Snape will even want me to keep up appearances that way."  Why was it always about appearances with everyone in our lives?  It was ridiculous.  I had a bad feeling, though, that I would at least have to deal with Father before leaving... and I knew it would be bad.

I nodded, "We'll leave straight from your room, everything I need is already in here." I didn't want to run into Father, not while Draco was in this state. He didn't need that stress right now. I shook my head when he mentioned the meetings, "I'll go to them a bit longer for you. You need to get your strength back up and Father's still trying to keep up appearances there as well. As long as you leave right after them, he can't really do anything. That's what I've been doing." We lived our lives by appearances, I was surprised that either of us knew who we really where. If it hadn't been for Draco, I have no idea who I would be.

I shook my head.  "No, you're done with the meetings," I informed her sharply.  "I didn't do what I did just so you could wind up getting hurt or anything else while attending those meetings."  At least she was right about that; Father would not dare to make a scene in front of the other Death Eaters - unless it wa what the Dark Lord wanted of him.

I narrowed my eyes at him slightly. "I'm going to the meeting until you get your strength up. Even Snape might agree with that." I wasn't sure if he would but I could hope. I hated the idea that he would have to go to the meetings so soon after everything. "I'm not hurt." I held up my bare left forearm, not pressing down on the version of the Dark Mark, I didn't need to give Draco the visual. I was showing him that I wasn't a Death Eater. They haven't made me become one in his place although, I was almost ready to do so, "They haven't done anything to me." I shook my head slightly. "I know you want to protect me Draco, but right one, you're the one that needs protection. Not me." I knew he probably wouldn't admitted it, but it was true.

I mirrored her and narrowed my eyes slightly.  I was not angry with her, but she needed to understand.  "I'm fine," I blatantly lied, though I sounded completely confident.  Only Juniper would be able to tell I was lying -- which sometimes was a good thing and others it was bad, like now.  "Snape will agree with me that it is I that they want and it is I who must keep up appearances," I added, thinking that this matter was rather simple.  I kept my breath and voice steady, but I really was frightened by what keeping pu appearances might do to me.  What would happen when I finally walked back into one of those meetings?

"No you're not fine Draco, you're recovering." I could easily see through his lie, and he knew it. "You will have to go back to the meetings," I hated to agree but he was right, he had to keep up appearances. "Just not quite yet." I knew he would probably disagree again but I would try to explain. "Oh I know they don't want me, no one does," I tried to shrug it off, as if it was no big deal. Both Lincoln and Draco tried to convince me I was wanted but I still wasn't sure. "But for now, I'm better then nothing. They'll just have to accept that." I didn't want to think about what would happen when Draco went back to the meetings, that's why I wanted to make sure he was fully healed before he even thought about going back. I had to make sure he could protect himself and I wasn't going to say anything yet, but I planned to go with him to his first few meeting, just to make sure.

I took a deep breath and sighed to keep myself from arguing with her; there really was no point when we were both so bloody stubborn.  And, for the obvious fact, that she was right.  I was not fine no matter how many times I said it.  There was no denying it that if something else happened to me, I might not make it.  "We'll see," I said, figuring that was the best way to appease this certain subject for the time being.  "And June... if you weren't wanted, I would have given up on everything a long time ago.  So please, believe me when I say this, I want you.  I need you.  I sure as hell better count as someone," I pointed out to her gently.

I nodded, slightly happy that the topic of him going to the meetings was off the table, if only for the time being. I looked over at him. "Of course you count for someone Draco." I shook my head slightly, I knew Draco wanted me but what about everyone else? Who would want the disappointment? I sighed, "but it's just who I am Draco." I said simply. "It's who I'll always be." I shook my head slightly to clear it. "I can't wait to get out of here." I was hoping to distract him from the topic of me being wanted. I wasn't sure if I would ever believe it anyway, no matter how many Lincoln and Draco try to convince me.

I sighed, leaning back into my pillow a little bit more and closing my eyes.  "Yeah... but I think you need to realize, you're not the disappointment child," I told her, a smile playing at my lips.  "You're the difficult child."  I wanted to try to make her feel better without arguing about whether or not she was wanted.  Despite her thinking she was a lost cause, there was no reason for me to argue with her.  I was growing weary.  "Don't worry... we'll get out of here.  Trust me," I added.

I laughed when he said I was the difficult child, not the disappointment. "Yeah, I'm the difficult one." I replied sarcastically with a slight roll of my eyes. I smiled over at Draco, wanting to make him feel better too. "I know we're getting out of here, my twin has an awesome plan for that, like he usually does." Draco always knew what to do to get us where we needed to be. It was weird to think that Father had no say in this at all. He would never know what we were up to. A small smile played at my lips at the thought of tricking Father, especially when it involved getting away from him.

I opened my eyes at her skepticism of being the difficult twin, smiling slightly.  I was glad that Juniper seemed to think I usually had things put together.  I hardly ever felt that way -- unless I was at Hogwarts.  Of late, however, even Hogwarts was an uncontrollable environment it seemed.  "We will be needing our school things, too, hopefully.  Do you have yours packed?" I questioned.  I was not entirely sure if Snape would let us stay all summer holiday, but I hoped that he would.  He knew what we had to put up with, so he would understand to a point, I think.