The ghost of your disappointment is haunting him -- July 1997

When he passed out, he fell forward, all his weight on me. "Oh, really?" I didn't want to lay him down on his bed with all the blood on it. I was just able to grab a cloth without Draco falling foward and placed it over the the worst of the stain. I gently laid Draco back down on his bed then set to work finding the bedding. As I walked to the closet I thought of the last thing he said. How could he even think I would let anyone in here right now. No one was going near him in his current state. I easily found the new linens and brought them over to the bed, ready to change when he work up again.

I rubbed the back of my neck and felt the rope I used to hold my glass dragon pendant Linc had given me. My eyes widened as I remembered what was in it, his home remedy for pain. I immediately unstoppered it with my trembling hands and knelt beside my brothers bed, careful not to spill the precious liquid. "Draco, I want to give you something for the pain but you have to wake up. It'll work, trust me." I knew I couldn't pour it down his throat so I shook him again, hoping he wasn't too far gone that I couldn't at least get him to wake up enough to swallow it before he passed back out.

There was noise and shaking again, my body aching.  I managed to be pulled from the blackness for a moment.  I tried to focus, but everything seemed blurry and I could not hear properly it seemed.  Finally, I realized that Juniper was trying to give me something to drink.  I let her give it to me, swallowing it proved to be a task, but I managed.  I felt like I was being placed into a nice warm bed of clouds or something.  I could barely describe it in the state I was in.  It did take away pain and worry, but it did not prevent me from blacking out again.

When I opened my eyes next, I felt like I could actually move, but I did not want to risk it.  I was sure that it had only been a couple of hours since I had Juniper help fix me up.  There was no way I was in any shape to move about after what I had gone through.  My mouth was dry and I felt dizzy, even laying down.  I did not trust myself to attempt to look around the room for I did not want to cause the dizziness to cause nausea.  "June?" I spoke into the room, closing my eyes again as it seemed to help my head.

I had fallen asleep on the floor in Draco's room, one of only a handful of times I had slept since he had passed out again. Apparently, I was a light sleeper, since I only had to hear my name to put me on high alert. I got up and ran over to his bed, relief flooding me that he was finally awake. I knelt next to him. "Draco." I said with a smile. I unstoppered my glass dragon again and held it out to him. "Here, drink this. It'll help."

I was happy I had been able to get Draco to drink the potion before he had passed out. I had sent an owl with my pendent to Linc as soon as I could, explaining what had happened with as few details as possible and asking if he could give me some more of his home remedy. He had sent it back, full of his potion with a letter that ended with, You don't need it. You're strong enough without it. Of course he would say something like that. I hadn't really touched the stuff since he found out how much I was drinking it. Not only did he control how much I had, thanks to the glass dragon, but I wanted to prove to him and myself that I was strong enough without it. I had another letter ready to go when Draco drank this potion, hoping Linc would send me some more.

"How are you feeling?" I asked. I needed to know. I hoped his long sleep had allowed him to recover some of his strength. I knew I probably looked like hell. I had hardly slept, prefering to make sure Draco's wounds were tended to, making sure he was as okay as he could be, keeping everyone out of his room and getting things ready for he woke up. I somehow even managed to change his linens. I didn't really cared how I looked, Draco was awake now, that was all that mattered.

<< Aw, I love Linc's little note! >>

I readjusted myself slightly to drink whatever it was she was giving me.  It was the same as before and I really did enjoy the effect it had on everything.  I looked around slowly, trying to avoid making my head spin, and focused on my sister instead of my room.  She had dark circles under her red eyes; she really looked like hell.  Nothing like the few hours ago when I had seen her... unless...

"June... how long have I been out?" I asked, trying not to let fear grip my heart.  I hated not knowing what was going on.  I needed to be in control and, as of that moment, I was not.  What had happened?  I remembered passing out after Juniper gave me a tonic and cleaned my wounds.  It felt like it had been only a little while ago, but I had a bad feeling that it was much longer than that.

<< I though it might be something he would say.....just let me know if you need me to edit anything>>

I bit my lip, debating what to say. I knew he didn't like not being in control and I though about lying to him and saying it had only been a few hours like I'm sure he thought. I knew he would find out anyway though and thought it better it came from me. I sighed and took a deep breath. "About a week." I finally answered. I gave him a moment to process this information before I tried to change the subject. "How are you feeling? Is the potion working?" I knew it would, I had felt the effect myself countless times. It had taken all my strength not to take some for myself this last week though. Not for any pain but to help clear my head of everything that was going on. I couldn't though, Draco needed it more then I did.

I sat up quickly and instantly regretted it.  "A week?!" I nearly shouted, my voice hoarse from not being used.  My body screamed at me to not move despite the potion.  I ran a shaky hand through my hair.  "H-has there been any more meetings?" I asked her.  I was sure that I was still expected to go to them or face more punishment and I could not handle anything else on top of this.  I had to move -- I had to start to act as if nothing had happened.  Show no weakness in front of Father or the others.  I swung my legs over the side of the bed.  I stood up, nearly blacked out, and had to sit back down again.

I shook my head, "Draco, calm down. You just woke up." I reminded him. I sighed, "You don't need to worry about it." It was the last thing I wanted on his mind right now. There had been meetings but I had gone to them in his place, saying he was sick and I would pass on all the information. Father wasn't going to let me but when I said that the Dark Lord would miss one of us, he reputedly agreed, more for his sake then Draco's. Every time, he reminded me that it should be Draco here, not me, and once Draco was 'feeling better' he would make sure my brother would pay for everything. My focus was on making sure Draco was feeling better though, not the horrible meetings I had to attend. "Is the potion working?" I repeated.

I knew she was right; I needed to calm down.  But a lot could happen in a week with the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters.  I looked at Juniper.  "It is... what is it, by the way?" I asked her.  I saw something come over her for a moment, though, when I asked about the meetings.  I would need to ask her what she did, but now was not the time.  I could only imagine the punishment Father would inflict on me for missing any meetings as I was sure that there had to be at least one.

I smiled at the fact that the potion was working but I knew this wouldn't be the last conversation we would have about the meetings. I bit my lip. Draco wouldn't be happy I gave him Lincs remedy, he knew what it had done to me, but I was getting better now. "It's Linc's home remedy. He gave me the pendent to keep some in." I said slowly, taking my glass dragon back. I turned away from him so I wouldn't have to see his reaction. "He's a good person Draco. He helped me."

Now I was furious as well as everything else that was going through my head right now.  "Yeah, he helped you become an addict, June," I spat, shaking my head.  "I think I prefer to heal on my own from now on."  i took a deep breath and stood up, still feeling shaky but not so dizzy.  I gingerly made my way to my closet; I needed fresh clothes.  I glanced back at my sister.  "You look like hell... have you been eating?" I asked her.  She needed her strength.  I could only imagine how the last week was for her; I was going to be fine, now, though.  I would help her see that by getting myself put back together.

I turned and glared at him, how could he think Linc had meant to do that to me? "He didn't make me an addict Draco, that's all on me. It's helping you though now, isn't it? It works." I tried to explain, "He's helping me get better, that's why I have this." I held up the pendent, "He know exactly now much I have and how much I use. I had to write to him to make sure I could get more for you."

I sighed, he had asked about food. I ate when I felt like over the last week, which wasn't often. I was starting to feel the effects now though that I didn't have to worry so much about Draco. My stomach rumbled, as if that knew what he had asked. "I ate enough." I replied, I was still here wasn't I? I was happy that he was getting up and I clean cloths but still felt like he was too weak to go out and face everyone.

How I just wanted to wear a t-shirt and sweats, but I knew that would not be okay in Father's eyes.  I grabbed a black button down shirt and put my arms through it.  I leaned against the wall as my shaky hands fumbled with the buttons slightly as I slowly managed one button at a time.  I ignored her defense for Matthews and looked at her, pushing off of the wall and making my way towards my dresser where I kept my pants.  I pulled the drawer open and leaned against it for support, pretending like I was deciding which pair to grab.

"June," I said, surprised that my voice sounded more weak than I was feeling.  "We'll go downstairs and get you fed and I'll start to handle everything with Father, okay?" I really wanted a shower, but I did not trust myself to take one as of right now.  I would end up passing out and drowning in the small amount of water that pooled up at the bottom before it drained.  That would be my luck as of late.

I shook my head, "Not okay." I answered, "You are in no condition to face Father yet." I wanted to being Linc back up but knew was no use, Draco wouldn't hear of it. I could tell he was trying to hide how weak he really was from me, the potion may help with pain and to clear you mind but it did not bright strength. Once he had picked out the pants he wanted, I walked over to him, put my hands on his shoulders, and led him back to the bed where I made sure he sat down. I was feelings a bit weak myself so I stumbled over to his desk, grabbed a chair and moved it next to his bed to sit on. "I can get us some food if your hungry. You are staying here."

I looked up at her from the dark jeans in my hands.  "You're only delaying the inevitable," I said quietly.  Then an idea came to mind.  If she left to go downstairs to get food... I could get downstairs, too, after her and speak with Father.  But I knew Juniper would kill me if she found me collapsed on the ground or something.  "Laying around and doing nothing has never been something I do, June.  I need to try to regain control of this the best that I can."  I hated having no idea what may or may not happen to me.  I needed to get some sort of control of my life.  What was Father planning now?  I needed to figure all of this out and I could not do that if i was laying in bed.

"I know," I said with a sigh, "I also know that you won't last five minutes out there right now." Neither would I if i didn't eat soon. I got up and walked over to where I had hid a stash of candy and chocolate I had brought in on day one of this. I picked up two chocolate frogs and walked back, supporting myself with the furniture as I went. After sitting down again I held out one for him if he wanted, I wasn't sure how settled his as stomach was. "Chocolate frog?"

I knew he hated the idea of not knowing what was going on. "I know you don't like lying around but right now, it's what's best for you. If you try to get up and at it too early, you'll only make yourself worse." I explained. "Let me take care of things for just a couple of more days until you get more of your strength back, then you can get back in control." I hoped he would know this was what was best for him. I didn't want him to over exert himself right now while he was still in such a fragile state.