The ghost of your disappointment is haunting him -- July 1997

I could tell he didn't want to talk about whatever it was right now so I let him off the hook for the time being. I made a metal note to bring it up again when he was more himself. "I would've found everything eventually, you just made it so I could help you sooner rather than later."

"You almost act as though you're surprised," I said, a bemused look coming across my face.  "I mean... your control freak brother would, naturally, have everything prepared just in case."  And that I did.  As soon as we had gotten back to the manor from the Tower, I had started to prepare for what had happened to me.

I rolled my eyes a bit, maybe I shouldn't be so worried about bringing up what was bothering him. He seemed to be doing well. I still decided to wait though. "You're right. I should know by now that my crazy control freak of a twin would have everything ready. I'm not sure if it was 'just in case' though." I put air quotes around just in case. I was sure Draco knew something like this would happen to him after he completed the task and resisted taking the Mark, maybe even I had been expecting something like this too. That could be why I had been more worried about him than usual. There was no 'just in case'.

I shrugged the best that I could, being a little easy due to the fact of where my wounds were.  "I really did have all of this planned out from nearly the beginning," I said quietly.  "I had two options... and Imade sure that we would be okay with this option... the other option, there was no way we would be safe.  There were too many variables..."  I looke away from June, tears coming to my eyes.  If I had gone to Dumbledore sooner and told him everything, he could hav ehelped.  He made that clear that night before I killed him.

"Hey, don't cry." I said, gently taking his face in my hands so he would look at me. "Look. I'm okay. You're going to be okay. Neither of us are Death Eaters." I held out my left wrist but didn't touch it. Yes, technically I did have the Mark but it wasn't a real one. I showed Draco that I still had a clear wrist to him if I didn't touch it. I hadn't taken the Mark in his place, as much as I wanted to. I wanted to add 'yet' but felt that would be counter productive. I sighed. "Anything else we can get through, no matter how hard it is. Together we can do anything."

"He could have helped us..." I told her, my voice barely above a whisper.  I took a deep shaky breath.  "He said so... but when Aunt Bellatrix had you... there was no other way to get her away from you."  I looked at her, but avoided direct eye contact.  I hated showing weakness or any doubt -- even to Juniper.  I was supposed to be the strong one to be able to protect her no matter what.

"Draco." I said softly, almost pleading. "Please don't think about the what ifs and could have beens. They won't help us right now." I sighed as I bit my lip slightly. There were so many things that could've gone differently, that could've changed the out come of this, but it was too late for that. "You did what you had to do to save me, like you always have." I wanted to say that I knew it was my fault but I didn't want to start an argument. "Look at me though. I'm okay. Because of you."

I forced myself to look at Juniper and nodded at her.  "I know you're okay," I said tightly, trying not to show my emotion but feelign like I was failing miserably.  "But I'm not... I'm nowhere near okay..." I added in a voice barely above a whisper.  I Hated admitting that, even to my twin.

"Draco." I sighed. I knew how much hated to admit that, even to me, but I was happy he had opened up a bit. "Of course you're not okay. I don't think anyone would be okay after all of this." I replied softly. "What can I do to help you start to become okay again? I'll do anything." I had to help my brother, without him I had no idea where I would be. Without him, I would not be alive right now.

I shook my head.  "I don't think there's anything you can do," I said sadly.  "I just... I have to work through everything in my head..." I hoped that was all I needed to do.

I looked at Draco sadly, "You will work through everything, I know it. You've always been the strong one." I knew he would end up being okay. I did not kid myself into thinking it would be easy, nothing in our lives were easy, but I knew he could work everything out in the end. I took his hands in mine and looked into his blue eyes, "And I'm right here if you ever do need me. I always will be, no matter what."

I tried to smile at her.  "I know you will be," I said honestly.  I jsut was not entirely sure if I could confide all the thoughts in my head to her.  The worst possible thoughts that could be in my head were, but I would not listen to those ones.  I just needed something to numb everything for a moment -- but I refused to take any more of that potion that ruined Juniper for nearly an entire semester at Hogwarts.

"It's what I do." I assured him, trying to lighten the mood. I sighed. "If you ever want to talk about anything, please let me know. Sometimes that helps me." I shrugged slightly, hoping he would seriously consider telling me what was going through his mind. There was a bit going through my mind so I could only imagine what must be going through his.

I smiled sadly at her.  "I can't talk about it really," I said to her honestly.  "You're not supposed to know anything at all, remember?  I don't want to put you in any more danger than what you're already in..." I trailed off, not liking the fact that she was already in danger.

I rolled my eyes slightly. "Draco, it's over. You completed the task, I'm alive. There's no more danger." I didn't kid myself into thinking that we were out of the woods, they would come for Draco again, I was sure. But for now, we were out of their grasp, even if it was only temporarily. "Draco, we can talk about whatever you want to talk about. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game."