The ghost of your disappointment is haunting him -- July 1997

I wanted to slap her, but she disapparated -- assumingly to Draco's room.  I cursed and straightened my robes.  I would deal with the two of them later.  When Draco was conscious, I would inform him of what he needed to do.  I was not going to have my children running amok thinking that they could betray this family.

"Draco! Open up!" I banged on the door again but it was no use. I sighed. There was one other way I could get in. We set up blood wards on both of our doors as soon as we returned from school, the only other person who could get in was the other, even of it was already warded. I took out my wand and pricked my finger, causing it to bleed. Once I forced enough blood out, I placed it over the lock of Draco's door and said the spell. A light appeared and went away and the door unlocked itself. I stumbled inside as quickly as I could, closing the door behind me and putting the ward back up.

I turned to Draco and saw him sprawled across his bed, arms over the edge, wand on the floor. It was worse then I could've imagined. His wounds needed tending to badly but I had to get him up first. I went over to his bed and knelt beside it. "Draco. Come on, wake up." I gently shook him, but it wasn't enough. I forced myself to shake him a bit harder. "Draco come on, your twins needs you to get up now." Tears were starting to form in my eyes. He had to wake up.

I saw flashing through my eyelids and I felt a tear escape; naturally I just imagined the green light that had sprung from my wand that murdered Dumbledore.  I heard a voice... was it saying my name?  That had to be Aunt Bellatrix coaxing me to leave with her.  I could not do it, though.  I could not move.  There was too much pain.  I was shaking now and the voice was a little clearer.  It was not my aunt, it was Juniper's soft tones.  The reality of where I was and what had happened hit me with such a force that I felt nauseous.  I opened my eyes just a slit and saw her worried expression.  There were only two things I could manage to do at this point:  I barely was able to whisper the word "Move," and I rolled the best that I could so I could wretch over the side of my bed.  I was not even sure if my sister got out of the way in time.  I fell back onto my back and I laid there, breathing heavily through my nose, trembling, biting my tongue until it bled to keep from crying out in agony.  I had my eyes clenched shut despite seeing the somber face of Dumbledore, the look of loathing from Aunt Bellatrix and FAther's faces, and the laughing face of the DArk Lord swimming in my mind's eye.  I could feel the tears coming and there was no way to stop them.

I sighed in relief when he finally opened his eyes, as long as he was alive, we could deal with anything physical or mental that was put in our path. I threw myself back when he said move, just moving out of the way in time. Once he had laid back down on the bed, I went back over to his side and saw his tongue was bleeding where he was bitting it, hard. I could only imagine what what was going on in his head. I saw tears start to form.

I took his hand, "Draco, it's okay, it's just me. No one else is here. Father isn't here, Aunt Bellatrix isn't here, he isn't here." I said softly. I knew under normal circumstances he would know what I meant but I wasn't sure now. "No one's going to hurt you." I assured him. "Calm down and take nice slow breaths."

I was fighting so hard to keep it together, to not let any of this get to me... but I was to my breaking point.  I felt Juniper take hold of my hand and I heard her reassuring voice.  I finally let out a cry, the tears falling from my eyes.  I squeezed her hand for comfort as the sobs and agony wracked my body.  I wanted it to end; I just wanted to let it all go.  She had told me to calm down, but how could I?

"I-I-I... can't," I said, trying to regain control of my emotions, but instead continuing to nearly hyperventilate.  My body was on fire and my mind was in overdrive.  There was nothing I could do for either one.

"I know it's hard but try," I encouraged him, "for me." I looked around and saw a glass of water on his dresser. Since I had both a t-shirt and tank top on, I took off my outer layer so I just had my tank top on. Using my t-shirt, I dripped it in the water and began wiping the blood and tears away from his face. "Draco it will be okay. Just breath with me. In and out....in and out....in and out." I kept my hand in his, hoping it was proving him with som sort of comfort. "No one can hurt you now, I won't let them." Draco had been through do much, and they were adding this on top of everything. I glared and shook my head at everyone who had done this to us. Draco didn't deserve any of this.

I knew I had to be scaring Juniper, but there was only so much control that I had.  I started to breathe with her, knowing that calming down would be the best thing for my body right now.  The shaking and any other movement was so painful that it needed to stop.  I needed to just be still.  I was finally breathing as normally as I could and opened my eyes.  "June... I'm sorry," I said to her, sounding as though I had just run a marathon.  It was hard for me to speak, but I had to tell her that.  

I was grateful that she was caring for me, too.  I could barely even lift my head up or my hand to tell her where some things were that may help me right now.  "There's dittany... top drawer... dresser," I said, trying to point but grimacing and letting my hand fall because it was too painful.  It would not be as good as going to St. Mungo's and getting professional help for the wounds, but it was better than nothing at all.

"Draco, you have nothing to be sorry for." I took a quick glance at his left forearm and sighed in relief when I saw it was still bare. It was cut up, but still bare. I was closer to becoming a Death Eater then he was. "Draco," I wiped his face with my impromptu cloth and made sure he was listing to me before I continued, "Draco I am so proud of you. You stood up for yourself." I knew no one else was going to say that so I though I should, he deserved to hear it.

I got up, went over to his dresser and opened the appropriate drawer. Not only did he have dittany in there but other assortment of things that could help us right now, including a real cloth. I looked over at him for a moment, realizing he had been planning for something like this to happen someday. I quickly grabbed a few supplies and went back to his side. "I'm going to start with your arms okay?" I wanted to give him a heads up. I took out the stopper with trembling fingered and placed a few dropped over the cuts. Green smoke came up from the area where I had dropped the potion and when it cleared, the skin was almost as good as new. I smiled and continued working on each cut he had sustained. I knew I wasn't a healer but it was better then nothing I suppose. "It's working." I told him happily. "Are you feeling any better?" I knew this wouldn't be near enough to make him feel better but I could hope that it was a good start.

With each drop of the dittany, it burned, but there was some relief once the smoke dissipated.  It did not completely heal the wounds, but it did the job.  I would definitely have to take it easy for a few weeks at the minimum after all of this.  What the healing was doing for me, however, was getting my head to clear up a little bit so I could focus more on what Juniper was saying to me.  A sad smile came to my lips slightly when she said she was proud of me.  The only person who thought standing up for oneself as a good thing.  I was grateful to her for saying that -- whether or not she meant it, it meant a lot to me.  And this was Juniper speaking, so I knew she was being honest with me.  We always were with each other.

I looked at her, wanting to say something snarky and add a little spunk to it, but what came out of my mouth made me sound so weak and juvenile.  Not like the man I had grown into.  "I'm just fantastic," I said feebly.  I was able to move my arms without too much pain, though, so I really should not complain compared to what I had been like mere moments ago.  I put my hand atop of Juniper's, stopping her for a moment.  "Thank you, sis... I dunno if I'd be here without you," I said, my voice slightly stronger than before.

I gave small laugh at his assessment of himself. He may have sounded weak but he was being sarcastic, getting back to his old self. I called that progress. When he put his hand on top of mine I knew we had really made some improvements. I put my other hand on top of his, "You don't need to thank me, you'd do the same for me." I replied, knowing it was true. He just hadn't gotten the chance last time. "You not taking the Mark was enough, that and you getting better is as much thanks as I need." I left my hands there a few moments longer before taking them back to finish healing him as best as I could.

I hated seeing him this was and finally understood what he felt after my own attack. That brought back memories of the pain again and I had to close my eyes and shake my head to clear it. It would do no good to bring back memories like that now, Draco needed me. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. I finished with the cuts I could see on the front of his body. "Done with this side." I informed him, "Can you roll over so I can see you back? Do you know if there's anything I need to look at on your back?" I knew rolling over could still potentially be painful but I wanted to make sure I didn't miss anything, I wanted to help him as much as I could.

I was not entirely sure the shape of my back, all I knew is that it hurt.  And it certainly felt sticky, meaning there had to be blood there.  I looked at Juniper.  "Help me sit up... and then cut my shirt off," I instructed her.  That way I would not have to lift my arms more than necessary.  Of course I would do the same for her, though.  That was why we were in this mess -- they were using us against each other.  I wanted to spare Juniper from feeling the way I felt when they attacked her earlier in the year... but there was no doubt about it now, I had needed her to help me.  Father would have left me up here to rot if he could. 

I used her and when I sat up, the room started to spin and I nearly felt like I was going to vomit again.  "I think I've lost quite a bit of blood," I said, trying to keep my tone light.  I wanted to make this as easy for her as I could.  I would try to hide as much of the pain as I possibly could manage.

He leaned against me and I cut off his shirt. His back was a mess. "You have lost a lot of blood." I hoped he was still okay, he felt a bit wobbly against me. "I'm going to wash it off a bit, then put the dittany on it okay?" I took the real cloth, wet it and began to clean the dried up and fresh blood that was all over.

I tried to be as gentle as possible, knowing he was hiding a lot of the pain he was in. "You don't need to hide the pain from me. I know it must be excruciating." This was part of the reason I was glad I didn't have to see Draco until I woke up, I didn't have to see his reaction to me when he first saw me. I forced all thoughts of my attack out of my mind and set to work on putting the dittany on. Draco's back. "Let me know if you need me to stop at all."

I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes, my hands in fists with my nails digging into my palms.  I would not make a noise.  This was hard enough on her without me making it worse.  "Just keep going," I told her through my clenched teeth.  If she stopped, I would not let her start again and it needed to be finished.  I knew that I needed to keep my head enough to at least walk Juniper through where I had everything else in my room that I had prepared for something like this.  I had stored extra linens that normally were not in my room in my closet on a shelf figuring I would end up bleeding through any bandages.  I really did not want to know what my bed looked like at the moment. 

"I'm going to need... to stand when you're done," I said, my voice sounding weak and like I was out of breath.  The room was starting to close in on me and blackness threatened to come over me again, but I needed to help Juniper help me before I passed out again.

I could tell he was in a lot of pain, but still wouldn't show it. He wanted me to keep going so I forced myself to do so. I was almost finished when he said he wanted to stand. I stopped for a moment and looked at him, "You are in absolutely no condition to stand. If you need something, let me know and I can get it for you." There had to be something more I could do to stop the pain, I just had to think about it.

I forced myself not to look at his bed, it was covered in blood and I was not going to let him see it either. I had to change the linens somehow. I knew where we had them in the house but I wasn't going to leave Draco like this. Besides, I wouldn't be surprised if Father was outside the door, waiting for one of us to leave so he could finish what he started. I finally completed healing his back as best as I could. "I'm done." I informed him. "But I'm not letting you stand up." I knew he would probably pass out again soon, all because I made him sit up. I should've left his back until a bit later, when he was stronger, but if we had waited, it could've been worse.

"To change the bedding," I said, forcing my eyes to stay open.  I had been planning on pointing to where they were, but I realized I did not have the strength to lift my arm up.  "In my closet... on the shelf... linens."  I tried to focus on keeping my breaths long, slow, and steady.  Hoping that it might work to keep myself from passing out.  Juniper might not have time to change the bedding, though.  I was not sure how much longer I could hold on. 

"June... keep them away... out of here... can't take more," I said, unable to form proper sentences.  I just hoped she understood.  And that was when I passed back out.