Deep into that darkness peering, I long stood there... wondering, fearing, doubting -- Early Winter 1997

I sighed and nodded at her.  "Yes," I said.  I knew she would wait until I said the magic words, though.  "I promise," I added, hoping that it was a promsie I could keep.  I would do anything to protect her, but dying was not an option.  She needed me and I knew that; she just never thought I needed her as much as I did.  If I lost her... I would lose myself.

I gently smiled at him, "Good, we both promise then." I sighed. "Then there's nothing else we can guarantee. We'll get through this though." I knew he would notice that I didn't say together, because I may not be here after, but he would survive. My death would be hard on him but he was the strong one. He would heal in the end but if I died, I wouldn't be here to help him with that.

I looked over at her.  "You're a bit of a pain in my arse, though, June," I said, attempting to lighten the mood again.  I did not want to get her involved, but she would have it no other way.

I laughed before I could stop myself. I knew Draco was trying to lighten the mood and I was grateful for that. "I know I am, but you still love me." I stuck my tongue out at him. I knew he just wanted to protect me but I was in too deep to not do something to try to protect myself. I wasn't about to let him go this alone. He would do what he could, but my life wasn't worth killing someone for. No, my life wasn't worth very much at all.

That put a slight smile on my face, hearing her laugh a little bit.  At least we were able to still do that despite what was going on.  "Of course I do... though sometimes, it's only because I have to," I jested, trying to keep the mood light.  It was my love for my twin that they were using against me to make sure that I did what they asked of me.  I hated that because that love would get someone killed and it would not be Juniper.

I gave another small laugh, happy that Draco was smiling, no matter how small it was. I turned to him as I crossed my arms. "You do realize I feel the same way sometimes right?" I raised my eyebrows slightly. I sighed, wanting to make sure he knew I would always care about him and love him, no matter what this school year brought. "You know I'll always be here for you right? I'll always love you, and care about you, no matter what happens next."

I gave a slight nod, my small smile fading as quickly as it had appeared.  "I know," I told her.  "That goes without saying, June.  It always has... always will."  We never really wen tinto a lot of detail about our love for one another.  our actions always spoke much louder than any words we could ever say to each other.

I was upset with myself that I had made him stop smiling. I would try to make it up to him but I wasn't sure how I could. My head hung slightly. "I know, I just felt like you needed the reminder." I replied softly. We never really told each other things like that, letting out actions speak for us, but things were different now. "I don't know what I would do without you. I don't know anyone else who would do what you might do just to protect me." Who would want to protect the disappointment? No one cared about me, not even me really. I would rather them kill me then Draco do this task but I knew Draco would do anything to protect me. That's why I had to find an alternative solution, not matter what.

I stared off into the distance as she spoke, trying not to picture the nightmare that haunted me even during my waking hours when she mentioned what I was willing to do for her.  "I think you need the reminder more often than I do," I pointed out to her, trying to assure her that anything I did for her would be worth it.  "I need you, June.  I know you don't believe that... but I do.  I remember someone saying once that she would keep me in check and hit me upside the head if I ever started acting like our father... so I need you for at least that."  I wanted to get her to smile again, even if it was just for a moment.  I wanted to see that smile in case I failed.

I gave a small laugh and turned my smile towards my brother. I knew that he was trying to get me to smile and I wanted to show him that it worked. Now it was my turn to try to get him to smile. "Don't you worry about that Draco. You're twin remembers her promise, and she is ready to hit you upside the head if it ever comes to that." I wanted to add even in the after life as a joke but thought Draco might get more upset by that. To distract myself, I balled my hands into fists and turned to him with my best tough guy face. "Your twin's also ready to fight anyone who even thinks you're acting like Father right now." I was trying to lighten the mood. I raised my eyebrows slightly, really hoping it would get him to smile, even if only for a moment. He deserved it.

I chuckled and shook my head at her.  "You're too adorable when you do that... I don't know if anyone will take you seriously," I pointed out to her, glad that she was still somehow managing to put a smile on my face despite everything.

I gave a triumphant smile, proud of myself that I had made Draco laugh and smile. I turned towards him. "Well, that doesn't matter right now. What matters is that you are nothing like Father and we will get though this, just like we always have."

I sighed and shrugged.  "Yeah, yeah," I said, not entirely sure if that were true, but it was nice to believe in something.  And right now, that was exactly what I needed.  Which was probably what Juniper was really trying to do because she knew that I needed anything to help me to go through with something like this.  Of course I believed in Juniper - which was why I was trying my best to do this - but I did need almost something else to help me for after the fact.

I took his hand in him and squeezed it, just for a second, before I let it go again. "We'll get through this, and the amazing this will happen." I sighed slightly. "Everything will work out." I wasn't really sure how but we would make sure it did. It had to, Draco had to survive to see his amazing thing that would happen. I just wasn't sure if I would be alive to be there with him.

I heard some movement near us and sighed, knowing that this was the hardest thing we had ever had to face before.  "Let's... let's talk about something else," I said, not wanting to continuously dwell on the fact that by the end of this school year, one or both of us could no longer be here.