The moment the world blows you backwards and the one you expect to catch you isn't there.

" Thank you..." I said quietly, into my dad. I felt so weak, I didn't know what to do. " What am I supposed to do." I asked him knowing that I can't help anything I do today. Looking to my dad, " Thanks.." I said to him again. Today is going to be so hard. I know it will be horrible.

"You don't have to worry about being strong," I said to my son quietly.  "I'm here for you -- we're all here for you... don't do this on your own."  That was what I was most fearful about him doing.. shutting down and retreating into himself.

I mumbled, " I know..." I said to him, I needed him more than I thought or knew. It bothered me so much, to feel so helpless. I needed my dad here and I was so glad for him.

I ushered Will to sit back down again.  He seemed like he was shaky or something... weak.  He was lost... and for once in my life, I was at a loss of how to help my son.  That idea scared me more than anything.  All I could do was be here for him.

I saw my son come racing for Remus it made tears well in my eyes to see the kids like this. It would take time, they can do it when they're ready. I saw my daughter sitting up front after she said her goodbye. I made my way up to her and sat down beside her and pulled her into a hug.

I was so glad that my mum found me.  I leaned into her and held onto her and did not want her to let me go.  "Mum... I'm gonna miss her so much," I mumbled, trying to control my tears so she could understand me.  I pulled away a little bit.  "But... Mum, Will is so much worse than me... I have to make sure he's okay..."  I really tried to keep the tears from falling because I was going to have to be strong for my brother... something I was not used to doing since the positions were normally reversed.

" I know sweetie." I said holding her in one handed hug then running my hands through the ends of her hair. " Of course you're going to miss her. It's one of the hardest things to do. " I said as I felt so bad for my kids that they had to go through this at such a young age. I looked right at her, " Lu, you need to worry about yourself first. " I told her, I knew what she was doing and it was not good to push yourself aside. I did it. " Liv would understand." I said as I gave a short smile. " Will's with your dad." I told her to reassure her that he was in good hands.

I was so glad to have my mum right now. Even though I probably would end up putting Will first after today, she was right. I needed to worry about me first... at least for today. I was relieved to hear that Will had Daddy with him... he needed Daddy to help him. I nodded and took a deep breath. "Why does it seem like our entire family has had to deal with so much loss? Can't any of us just be able to be happy? Daddy lost his mum a long time ago, then Grandpa John, you lost your entire family... and with everything that has happened with the Greybacks... and this... and that's not including our extended family." I looked up at my mum through my tears. "I just want it all to end... we don't deserve this."

My eyes filled as she spoke, " I know it seems that way sweetie. " I told her as I pulled her tighter into a hug. " As sad as it is....our sadness will eventually turn into triumph. We experience these things and it really does make you stronger. It also helps knowing who is in your corner to back you up. " I explained. " Knowing I wasn't by myself helped me a lot. " I told her. " We have quite the support group behind all of us. I know it feels like we can't catch a break...sorrow is sadly a part of life. " Looking to my daughter, " It's how we handle it can change our outlook on life."

I really hoped that Mum was right; at hte moment it was hard to believe.  "I can tell you that you won't need to worry about me," I said quietly.  "I'll be fine... be more concerned for Will, okay?"  He was the one who was going to need the most support.  I mean, I would nto turn any support down because Livvy was my best friend... but Will... I just felt horrible for him.  "I love you, Mum," I said, resting against her for more than just moral support.  I felt exhausted... and I knew it was due to all of the emotional turmoil.

I leaned my head on hers as she spoke. " Lu...honey....don't sell yourself short you both will need it. Don't shut everyone okay?" I made sure she knew she had us here when she needs us. We would be there for her and her brother in a heart beat. " I love you too Lu....rest assured your brother is currently still talking with your dad. "

I smiled slightly, at least the best that I could.  "I won't shut you out... I'd never be able to do that," I told my mum, unable to imagine just shutting down completely or anything.  "But I am going to be strong for Will."  I had to do that for him.  And, as much as I wanted Mum and Dad to be there for him, I really did need them to be there for me, too.  I knew that they could handle that; they have done it for forever.

I sat in the very back. It is my fault she was gone. If I wasn't here they wouldn't get hurt. I ran a hand through my hair. Olivia didn't deserve this at all. She was such a happy person who liked everyone.

Remus Lupin wrote:I ushered Will to sit back down again.  He seemed like he was shaky or something... weak.  He was lost... and for once in my life, I was at a loss of how to help my son.  That idea scared me more than anything.  All I could do was be here for him.

I didn't know what to do with myself. Hearing dad say don't shut down. It may have already been too late for that. Would I turn to others and actually open up how I am feeling not likely. The only ones I seemed to be able to open up to freely is Dean and to dad. I was very tired and couldn't stop fidgeting.