On my knees, I'll ask last chance for one last dance -- June 1978

Regulus and I had been dating for nearly a year now and I knew something was wrong.  He said he wanted to talk and Reg never prefaced anything like that.  I walked out to the lake - it always seemed to be our little place -- and he was already there.  I stepped up beside him and took his hand in mine.  "Reg," I said to him, looking over at him.  I was not entirely sure what to expect.

I looked at Ember and smiled at her, though I was trying to be happy, I was sure that she could tell it was filled with sadness.  The Dark Lord... was not as he seemed.  And I discovered his secret - his horcruxes.  I knew where one was; he had used Kreacher to hide it.  He left him there to die.  I was going to make him pay -- I was going to destroy that locket that my house elf told me about.  I squeezed her hand and bent to give her a kiss.  "We're free from another round of exams," I said, wanting to keep the air between us light, though I knew Ember would get to the point quickly.

I smiled at him, though something felt different between us.  Like there was a veil of sadness that was being hidden -- poorly -- by the early summer weather and exam-free school days.  I wrapped my arms around his waist as I looked up at him.  "Reg... yeah, you're right," I said, losing my nerve to ask him what was wrong when I looked into his eyes.  They begged me to keep everything happy and normal.  I could see stress, worry, pain, love, sadness... all in his dark eyes.  I wished there was something I could do... and I felt that pretending like this was the only way that I could do anything for him.  "It's really nice... except we're going to have to go home for the summer.  And it's always hard to see you over the holiday vacation."  With James and Sirius on my end and his entire family on his... it was hard to visit.  I never could go to Grimmauld Place and with Sirius living with us... we tried not to meet at my house, either.  We did not want to deal wiht the arguments, though I had to deal with them because James found out.  I guess I could not keep it from him that I was dating Regulus forever... I was surprised it lasted until this past Christmas -- it was almost six months before he found out.

I could see how hard it was for Ember to hold on to any shred of happiness.  I held her close and kissed her forehead.  I wish I did not have to do this -- and really, I did not have to.  I just wanted to make sure that the Dark Lord could be defeated somehow... and I had a feeling that after I found the one horcruxe... well, I would nto make it back.  "I know," I said to her, tring to make it seem like that was the only worry on my mind.  I knew she could see right through me, though.  She always could.  "ems... I honestly don't know how much we'll be able to see each other..." I said to her quietly.

I pulled away from him only far enough to look into his eyes.  "What?  That sounds... almost like a goodbye," I said to him, trying to read his expression.

Her brown eyes were boring deeply into my own and I felt like she could see right through me.  I kissed her forehead.  "It's not goodbye," I said to her softly, praying that it was not.  "It's a... until I see you again..."

I laughed and shook my head, staring into his brown eyes.  "I don't believe you," I said to him sadly.  "But I can pretend because I have to..."  I really did.  I did not want to lose him, but I could tell that he was already gone.

I was startled by her voice.  I looked down into her eyes and saw so much warmth and sadness and love.  I did not want to let her go.  I did nto want to go through with this.  But I had to.  I just had to.  I had to do what I could to destroy the Dark Lord.  But Ember made me not want to do a bloody thing about it.  

She, however, was the main reason why I wanted to do something about it, though.  If I did nto do this, then there would be no hope in defeating the Dark Lord and hell would be the world in which we lived.  Ember deserved something so much better... someone so much better than me.

I leaned down and kissed her gently.  It was the only thing I thought I could do instead of saying what was in my heart.  If I told her everything... she would be in danger.

I kissed him, wrapping my arms around him.  We did not even break apart to breathe for what seemed like hours.  When we finally did, the tears were so close to threatening to fall.  I brushed them away and stared at Regulus as he kept hold of my one hand.  "Reg," I said to him, "please, just tell me what's going on.  You know I can handle it."  I hated how I was practically pleading with him.

Then I was pulling Regulus with me, away from the lake... away from where we could be seen.  "I love you, Regulus.  No matter how much we both try to deny our feelings... you know it's true," I whispered to him, standing on my toes to kiss him again.

I kissed her again and held onto her like this was the last time I was ever going to see her again.  In all honesty, it very well could be.  My hands were on her waist and I pulled her towards me.  I never wanted to let her go.  I stopped kissing her when I had put my hand on her cheek and felt the dampness of her tears.  I did not want to be the reason why Ember was crying.  "Ems," I said to her softly.  "I-I don't know what will happen to me.  But I'm doing this because I love you... and you deserve to have something so much better than all of this."  We did not go into telling each other our feelings often, but when we did... it was always so heartfelt...

I stared at him through my tears.  "What are you doing?  Regulus... what's going on?  Please, just tell me.  I need to know -- I deserve to know," I said to him, my voice shaking.

She did deserve to know.  I took a deep breath.  "Ems, I'm going to do something to stop the Dark Lord," I said to her slowly.  "You mustn't try looking for me, though, because I don't know if I'll come back."  I was surprised I told her that much, but I had to.  I loved her.

I could not believe he was being so honest with me... and that he was doing what he was doing.  I looked up at him with awe and sadness. "Reg... what is it you're doing?  If it's a double agent thing... it'll be okay.  Dumbledore will protect you," I said to him, not wanting him to push me away because he thought something might be dangerous.  he was the only one who never really did that and so I hoped it was not hte case now.

I shook my head.  "I won't be a double agent," I said to her slowly.  "I'm going to be... hunting pieces of him."  This was rather difficult to explain exactly what I was going to be doing.  I did not want to give her too many details of what was going to happen, though, to try to keep her from danger.

I furrowed my brow, unsure of what he meant by that.  "Pieces of him?  What do you mean?" I asked, wanting to be able to understand why he thought he had to do this.