The ultimate mystery is one's own self -- Fall 1993

I chuckled slightly and shook my head in disbelief.  Peter always told me Remus was the good one of the group... always the hard worker compared to the others.  "Were you friends, then, with my mum?" I asked him.  I did not necessarily enjoy talking about James -- and I did nto want to be too obvious about hearing stories of Peter.  That might make for more questions than anything.

I nodded at the boy in front of me.  "I was," I told him, thinking back and remembering everything the entire group had been through.  "She helped me through some rough times despite me not wanting her to.  I wish I could have thanked her because I'm not sure if I ever did."  She had put up with me being reluctant for her help and everything, yet she still tried.

I could hear the admiration in his voice when he spoke of Lily.  I smiled at that.  From anyone who ever speaks of her, it was like that.  James, however, was a different story.  And I hated that everyone thought he was a bloody hero.  He was a horrible friend and person and I wished people would see that.  I just could not tell them how I knew that, so I always just kept my mouth shut.  "It seems like everyone says something like that about her," I told Professor Lupin.

I looked at Evan and nodded.  "Your mother was an extraordinary witch," I responded, shaking my head slightly.  "I can't believe that she had somehow survived the attack from Voldemort and then passed after having you... I am so sorry, Evan, that you could not really meet her and get to know her -- really know her."  It was sad how everything turned out for the Potter boys.  I could hardly believe that Evan was Sorted into Slytherin, but with a past like his... I guess one could not blame him.

I could hear the sincerity in her voice and understood why Peter liked Remus.  I smiled slightly and looked at the tea in my hands.  "Yeah," I said, wishing that I could still see my mum.  It was my fault she was gone anyways.  I sighed slightly.  "Do you have any other stories about my mum?"

I smiled at him.  "Depends... do you want stories where she acted like a mother to all of us when we were teens or stories where we convinced her to cause trouble with us?" I asked, happy to oblige.

I was surprised he was so willing to speak of Lily -- of my mum.  "Well... the ones where she was a mother... then I can sort of imagine how she'd be a mum to me..." I trailed off, not wanting to sound stupid.

I wanted to reach out and comfort Evan, but deemed that as inappropriate, though I knew James and Lily would have appreciated it... but it was not as if Evan was okay with that like Sirius's kids were.  "Well... we would always be trying to get into some sort of trouble and Lily would be the one to put a stop to it, you know," I said, thinking back to those days.  "Being a prefect with her, she thought that I would have behaved more often than I did.  She would sit us down and speak to us, trying to get us to understand that what we were doing were wrong... but we never listened.  Every time one of us had a grand plan, what your mother said went out the window."  Ichuckled, remembering the looks she used to give us.

A smile reached my lips as I thought about that.  What little I remembered of my mum, that seemed to fit.  I looked at Professor Lupin -- it really was obvious why Peter liked him.  "Did she ever try to stop you or anything?" I asked, and in an instant I wished I had not.  There was a dark look that crossed over his face.

I took a deep breath; I was thinking of the time they all came out after us and then they all got raped.  I was not going to tell that to evan.  I sighed.  "there was a time... her with Chloe and Ember -- my wife and your aunt," I explained, unsure if he knew who they were.  "They ended up getting into some trouble and we saved them, though.  So it was all okay."  I would not go into any more details than that.

I looked up at Professor Lupin curiously.  "Wait... so James was part of saving them?" I asked.  Peter always painted James as being a jerk along with Sirius.  This seemed so strange to me to hear them in a light like this.

I still did not like the fact that Evan did not call James his father, but I was sure he had his reasons.  "Yes, of course he was," I said to him simply.  "He loved your mum so much... he would do anything for her... even die for her... which is what ended up happening.  He died for her and for Harry.  And in doing so... he somehow saved her so she could have you," I added, amazed.  There was something major missing in this story, but I could not yet figure it out.

I bit my lip, wanting to say something that Peter had told me about James, but I knew I should not.  "Wow... I guess I never thought of it that way," I admitted to him honestly.

I cocked my head slightly.  "Never thought that James died to protect you all or that James loved Lily?" I asked Evan curiously.

I did not like the piercing way that Professor Lupin was watching me.  I looked down and away from him.  "Both," I said quietly.  It went against everything that Peter ever said about James.  Who should I believe?  Peter saved me... but why would Professor Lupin lie to me?  I sighed.  "It just goes against things that I've heard, is all."