The ultimate mystery is one's own self -- Fall 1993

It was the end of class after the first week of term in the Defense Against the Dark Arts room and I called for Evan Potter to stay behind.  I wanted to speak to him.  There was no mistaking that he was Lily and James' son... he had his mother's hair and eyes, but his face looked remarkably like James.  Lily and James had not had another child before they were murdered... I had not even known if Lily was pregnant with a second child to be honest.  I had to keep my emotions in check -- there was little hope that they had survived... but what about Evan?  "Evan, if I could have a word, please, before you head to your common room," I said, knowing that this was his last class of the day.

I sighed heavily as I had started to pack up my things.  I had been warned that Professor Lupin might ask me questions.  I had ot hide the fact that Peter was caring for me, he told me bad people were after him and that it was a secret he was still alive and he was in hiding.  He and I had rehearsed what was needed to be said to the Headmaster and anyone nosing around for answers on anything.  Really, I would tell the truth about everything except for the fact that Peter was raising me along with a house elf, Tink.  "Yes, Professor?" I asked, feigning politeness.  He was a werewolf, something Peter had warned me about as well.  Among old classmates -- like the Marauders, Snape, Lily -- he seemed okay with Professor Lupin, but still did not want him to know he was alive.  I trusted Peter enough to not ask questions.

I could hear the falseness in his voice -- just like the rest of the Slytherins.  It had never really bothered me -- I was used ot disrespect.  I motioned for him to come closer as he was in the back of the classroom.  "I just would like to speak ot you about something a little personal... would you like to come up tot he office?  I have some bottles of butterbeer if you'd like one," I told him.  I knew bribery was not good, but it may be the only way to get him to speak to me about things.

I had walked up to the front of the classroom with my bag slung over my shoulder.  I hesitated, but figured that it would be best to get this over with sooner rather than later.  "Alright," I said to him, folloing him into his office.  It was pretty cool in there.  There were a lot of different things -- mainly creatures -- within cages on the walls.  I walked up close to one and examined it, it appeared to be holding some sort of lantern or something.

I smiled at Evan.  "That creature there is a hinkypunk," I told him.  "It lures travelers into bogs."  I was not entirely sure if he was that curious in the creature or not, but he was looking at it.  I went behind my desk and pulled out the bottles of butterbeer I had bribed Evan with.

That was rather interesting.  I turned around when I heard him open up the bottles.  I walked over and sat down in the chair on the one side of his desk.  "Thank you," I said politely, taking the butterbeer.  I took a sip and smiled.  "This is really good... is it from the village?  I heard older students talking about when the first visit will be."  I wanted to stall the real conversation for as long as possible.

He reminded me remarkably of James, dodging the topic as much as he could.  But was it really a Potter in that sense?  For as long as I knew James... he never had any cousins or anything like that, so this had to be Lily and James' son... but how?  I smiled at him.  "Yes, it's from the Three Broomsticks, actually.  You'll be able to go to Hogsmeade in your third year," I told him.  Though, if he were anything like his father, it would not take him that long to find a way to get there.  However, he was in Slytherin... perhaps he would not be one to do that... though they were known rule breakers, too, that House.  I sighed slightly.  "Evan... do you know anything about your parents?" I asked blatantly.  Dumbledore did not give the staff any information about where Evan Potter came from.

I nearly choked on my butterbeer.  I had not expected him to delve right into it all.  I recovered and looked at him, shrugging.  "I know they're dead," I said flatly.  I hoped he did not want much more detail.  I hated answering questions -- Professor Dumbledore had asked me very similar things when I first arrived here as well.  In fact, the day after the welcoming feast I was summoned to his office.  I had been scared that something had been wrong... that it was a mistake despite what Peter had told me, that I was at Hogwarts.

I ran a hand through my hair.  "I knew your parents," I told him, thinking back to when we had all been back in school ourselves.  We had been through so much.  And for things to end the way they had... Evan was giving me hope that maybe they were still alive somewhere, despite what he said.  "We had gone to school together -- they were even in my wedding," I added, wanting to help Evan feel a little more comfortable speaking of them to me.  "Do you remember either one of them?" I prodded gently.  That woudl tell me if they had somehow survived Voldemort's attack.

Of course I knew that Professor Lupin knew my parents -- Peter told me all of that.  How James and Sirius ran rampant and left Peter and Remus behind.  How the other two always thought they were so much better than the entire school, yet they did help Peter and Remus.  They had been four best mates back in the day until the other two kept separating themselves more and more all the while Remus being in the middle between them and Peter.  One day, it became too much and Peter left the group.

I took another sip, trying to figure out exactly what to say.  Peter gave me the basics of what I should do in this type of situation, but I was not entirely sure how to handle the specifics.  "He died that night," I said, speaking of James.  "I remember my mum, though... a little bit... before... well, before she died.  Then I was in this foster home for my entire life."  That was what Peter wanted me to call our situation around the school.  It was pretty much true, though.  He was like a foster dad to me.  I was told to never speak of Faith at school.  There was no need to cause any more sadness.

I leaned back in my chair.  He remembered Lily?  That meant she had survived!  It almost felt as if we lost her all over again, though, when he said she died.  "Where were you?  I mean, when you remembered being with your mum?" I asked, trying not to sound over eager.  Perhaps he did not remember something correctly.  Maybe she was still alive... maybe there was hope.  Maybe Prongs was still out there somewhere... just unable to be with his own family?  That did not seem logical. but why, then, did Lily not find Harry?  Something was askew here... I would get to the bottom of it if I could.

I looked down at the bottle of butterbeer in my hand and picked at the label slightly.  What was I supposed to say?  That we were locked away by Peter?  No, that would not do.  Even though Peter had done that to save us and to protect us, I knew no one else would see it that way.  There were so many stories about how Peter died a hero and martyr by the hand of Sirius Black and the others portrayed Peter as a bad man.  "I don't really remember," I lied, looking at him.  "I just remember her... she laughed sometimes, though.  I remember that sound well."  A small smile came onto my face as I thought of Lily's laughter.

How coudl I have expected him to remember where they were?  He had to have been so young.  I smiled gently at him, glad that he had some memory of Lily, even if she were gone now.  I wished Harry could have met her, too.  "Why don't you tell me what you do remember?" I prompted.  Perhaps he remembered more than he realized.

What harm was there in that?  "Well... I remember her speaking of everyone... she'd tell us stories.  Is it true that you all caused trouble here at school?  You, Sirius, Peter, and James?" I asked, realizing I did not call him any form of dad.  I wondered if Professor Lupin would call me out on it.

Why was I not surprised that Lily would go around telling the tales of the Marauders?  I was a little confused at Evan calling James by his name, but since he had never met him... perhaps Lily only really called him james or Prongs and that was how Evan knew him.  I smiled at him and nodded.  "Yes... we were quite the group.  We wreaked havoc all the time," I said.  "Your dad and Sirius had more detentions than me or Peter, though.  I always tried to help them behave more than anything... though I hardly succeeded."