It was killing me to see the strongest man I knew, wasting away to nothing -- Late Summer 2018

It had been a handful of months since Mum had died and I wanted to go check on Daddy.  I knew he was not doing well -- he had not been doing well since before she left... since that awful fight.  I walked into the cottage that I grew up in and it was eerily quiet.  It had been ever since Daddy left a little over a year ago.  I found him sitting on the back deck with an iced tea, staring off into the distance across the lake that was glimmering in the sunshine.  I was not sure what I was going to say to him.  I did not want to startle him -- Boris was always so close to the surface lately and I did not want to provoke him.  I sat down next to him, looking towards my daddy.  I was a few years shy of forty, but he would always be my daddy.  "Daddy?" I asked quietly, surprised that my voice was breaking already.  I was not sure if I was going to actually get to speak to my father today or if Boris was winning the fight.

The calm and quiet of the outdoors seemed to let me control Boris as much as I could.  He was still right there and any small trigger made me lose control.  I knew I was going to have to leave at one point once more to protect everyone.  Lucy just popping in may seem innocent to her, but it took all of my control to keep Boris from ripping out my baby girl's throat.  I would not let that happen, though.  I looked over at her and every time I saw her and I was in control, she reminded me so much of Chloe that it nearly broke my heart and yet made me so happy at the same time.  I put a hand on hers and squeezed it.  "I'm here, Lu," I told her, letting her know that it was actually her dad she was speaking to and not the animal within.

I was so relieved that he was there with me.  I squeezed his hand and smiled at him the best that I could.  "How are you?" I asked him, seeing the pain in his eyes.  He used to be able to hide that so well from us, but not lately.  Not since Mum died.  I could slowly see him leaving us -- and it broke my heart.  I knew our time with Daddy was short.  Even if he lived on, Boris would end up being more in control than Daddy's humanity.

I could see the worry in her eyes.  I lifted her hand and gave it a light kiss.  "You don't need to worry so much," I told her gently.  "Today is a good day."  I was glad that it was, too.  It gave me time to have with my kids -- which I cherished so much because I knew that there would not be a lot of time left.  I could feel Boris winning more and more every day and I had no idea how I was going to handle it.  "How are you, Lu?  Is everything calmed down between you and Ayden?"  I knew that since the incident with Nolan and I, things had changed slightly between the two of them.  I wanted to make sure that everything was okay before anything happened to me.

I smiled at my dad.  He did not need to fret about me and Ayden.  That had happened over a year ago and we were okay now.  Every now and then things got strained, but overall things were good.  "Yeah," I answered him truthfully.  "Ayden has finally realized that there isn't much help for his brother... which is sad.  I think Ayden is done giving him chances -- but I don't know.  He has a niece and doesn't want her to do the things that most Greybacks do, though according to Leo she's just as bad as them.  I haven't spent enough time with her to know."  I shook my head, feeling bad for that entire side of the family.

I nodded, glad to hear things were going better.  I looked at my daughter, though, rather seriously.  "Just because someone stumbles and loses their path, doesn't mean they can't be saved," I told her quietly.  That had happened to me for years... though I believed it was too late now for me to be saved.  One can only stumble so many times.  "Don't count him out just yet.  If someone would have done that to me years ago, I would not have made it as far as I have today."  If there was one thing I wanted to leave with my children was hope in humanity.

I loved hearing my daddy's words of wisdom... even though I had a nagging feeling in my stomach that I would not hear things like this much longer.  I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him.  My voice and heart were breaking as I held him tightly.  "I love you, Daddy," I said.  "Don't count yourself out yet, either... I believe in you."  I hated that he was having such a hard time with everything.

I was startled by the sudden hug, but held on tightly to her as I heard tears in her voice.  I kissed her cheek and kept her close, fearing if I let her go, I would lose her for good.  I could feel Boris awakening with someone this close to me, but I would not let him come out.  I needed this time with my daughter -- I feared it would be one of the last moments I could have with her without fear of hurting her completely.  "I love you," I told her hoarsely.  "I want to know you'll be okay, sweetie.  I need to know that.  I will try my best to hold on for you and Will, but if I can't... I need to know my little girl will be okay."  I knew Will was strong; he would be able to make it through.  But Lucy, I always worried about her.

I pulled back enough to look into my daddy's wise, blue eyes.  I hated to see the sadness and tears there; they normally were always so calm and steadfast no matter what was going on.  As much as I knew I was not sure if I believed this myself, he needed to hear it.  I took a deep, shaky breath and felt a tear slide down my cheek as I said, "You can let go now, Daddy.  You're little girl is ready to do this on my own.  It's going to be a little scary... but just know that I'll be okay... you can let go..."

I put my hand on her cheek to wipe away her tear and let her rest her cheek into my palm as she spoke.  I leaned forward and kissed her forehead.  I knew that for her to say that to me, Lucy knew how bad everything was.  I wished I could protect her from all of this.  I never wanted her to do this on her own, but I was a little bit at ease about the possibility of her having to do so with what she told me -- even if it was not the whole truth.  "Honey, I am going to try my best to hold on, though... for you and for Will," I told her.

This was what I missed -- just having my dad.  I smiled sadly at him and sighed.  "I know, Daddy... please, just try to promise me that if Boris starts to win the fight... you'll do the right thing about it -- whatever that may be," I said, because I had no clue what the right thing would be.  I looked at him and saw the struggle in his eyes.  Even as we spoke, I knew I was losing him a little bit.

I hated what this was doing and had done to my family already.  Ever since I was five all this bloody curse did was destroy everything I ever loved.  And it had finally reached its peak.  There was nothing I could do about it now, though.  I was no longer strong enough to contain Boris.  Whatever mental block I had on him had been chipped away by Lestrange.  "When have you known me not to do the right thing?" I asked, trying to insert some humor into something serious.

I chuckled slightly and shook my head, sitting back down in my chair.  "I guess you've always done the right thing," I agreed.  "I just wanted to let you know that I'll love you no matter what the right thing is..."  I had a feeling that this would end badly for my dad and I hated it.

I reached for Lucy's hand and squeezed it gently and reassuringly.  "I know, sweetie... everything will be okay," I said to her oftly.  I was not sure if that was a truth or a lie as of late, but it was something I would always tell my little girl no matter waht.

I almost felt as if I should leave.  Daddy looked like he was getting lost in his own thoughts -- and hopefully he would not be lost there forever.  I sighed slightly.  "Daddy, I think I'll leave... that way you can think and stuff," I said to him softly.  I did not want this to turn into something bad when it had been a good day, minus the tears which were starting to return to my eyes.