I will fight for you, always -- Late Summer 2001 (DONE)

My parents did not move back to England, but they did have a huge hotel room just for us on an entire floor.  They all had been been telling me different things from the past five years or so.  I could not believe I did not remmber having lost one child and having a two year old daughter.  It had been a month or so since I woke up.  I knew my mum kept keeping Dean at by for which I was grateful.  I did feel as though something was pulling me to see him.  I had a feeling it was due to the fact I was a mother.  The idea felt so foreign to me, but I wondered if seeing her would help me remember.  Or it would frighten me so much that it might not be helpful at all.

I had told my mother that I was going out.  I had agreed to meet with Dean -- but just him.  Mum and Dad did not know.  They were babying me it seemed.  I was at the park by the fountain where we were to meet.  I was wearing skinny jeans wtih brown knee-high boots.  I had on a sleeveless teal loosefitting blouse on.  I did not know why, but I felt the need to dress a little nicely.  Not over the top though because I did not need my parents asking questions.  I just hope that he did not forget.

I made my way to the park and I saw her standing by the fountain.  Her hair fell down around her shoulders.  It went down past her shoulders, actually.  She looked so beautiful... and I noticed that she still had her wedding rings on.  I had left Sedona with her auntie.  Walking up to her, I smiled.  "Addison... how ar eyou?" I questioned.  I still could not beleive that she had wanted to meet.  Mona, her mother, had said she did not want to see me.

I turned and saw him.  He was wearing holey jeans, a white tank top a nda  leather jacket.  I was slightly surprised by how he made my heart skip a beat slightly.  Bu I was not here for me; I was here for answers.  "I'm okay... just trying to understand things," I told him honestly as we started to walk along the paths.  "Dean.. this... I really hope that this meeting won't hurt you.  I don't want to do that, but I felt I needed to talk to you rather than my parents for some memories.  I mean, we were married after all."

I bit my tongue to resist correcting her; we were still married, present tense.   But I knew better than to correct her... we went through the same thing with Uncle Remus.  I at least felt some hope since she said she did not want to hurt me.  "Don't worry about me," I assured her.  "All I want to do is help you." I walked with her, my hands in my pockets.  I did not want to be overbearing like Jetty and my friends toldm eI could be sometimes.  I decided to stay quiet.  She had been the one who wanted to meet and talk.  I would le ther lead the conversation.  I had talked with Auntie Chloe about how she handled Uncle Remus... and she gave me a lot of good advice:  be myself.  If they truly love you then they will come back to you.

We walked in silence for a moment.  Where would I possibly start?  I figured I should start the conversation.  We could nto keep walking in silence, though it was not uncomfortable as one would think.  "Well, I'm not sure where to really start to ask questions," I told him honestly.  "I guess I'll start with saying that I started back at my job at the resaurant.  I am a natural I guess.  I really didn't know how much I enjoyed it -- cooking that is -- when I was in school."  I thought that if that was coming so naturally that perhaps if I heard stories first hand maybe it would feel as natural as that had been.

I smiled a little bit.  I was glad to hear that she was trying to get her life back to normal.  "And it is enjoyable?" I asked.  I hoped that maybe it would mean I would not have to fight so hard for this all to work out.

I grinned, looking over at him.  I hated how I felt... I felt as if I were living a double life.  When I was near Dean, it felt as though we were supposed to be together.  But my mind got in teh way of everything.  How could any of this make sense?  "It really is..." I replied, pushing my hair behind my ear.

I knew what was attached to that phrase.  Grinning slightly, I added, "But...?" I had to input it for her.  I knew better than to leave it alone -- no matter who I was talking to.  You never ignored the 'but'.

I rolled my eyes a little bit.  "I do enjoy it... but everything it just feels conflicting.  I have two lives... what I remember and that I'm living now; and the one my mind doesn't remember but I feel is still there," I tried to explain. I hated just aying it all out there and venting to dean.  It felt right to do so, but again, I was conflicted.  I just looked at him and smiled weakly.  "I'm sorry... I shouldn't be laying this all on you."

I put a hand on her shoulder.  I felt her tense up slightly and I let my hand drop.  "Taht's really what I'm here for," I assured her.  I Had to tread carefully.  I did not really know what to say because of htat.  "Well perhaps answers could help,"I offered.  That was why she wanted to meet after all.

I knew he was just trying to help, but it just did not feel right for him to touch me, even if we were husband and wife.  "My parents don't like you much.  Do you know why?" I asked.  They wanted me to come back to the STtaes with them.  They said I would heal better with them.  Of course they would make and deal with arrangements to see my daughter -- who I was still a little scared to meet.  I knew she would remember me... but would I be able to show her the love she deserved from a mother?

I sighed and shook my head.  "We always joked that it was because I was a bad influence on you," I said, wishing I could laugh about it now.  I hated Addie staying with them.  I felt that if she was with me it would not be difficult to get her to remember or at least realize how she felt.

I chuckled slighty.  I coudl see why they would think that.  He had always been the mysterious, quieter one at school.  But all the girls loved him.  We walked in silence, both of us seemingly lost in our own thoughts.  "They want me to go with them when tey leave," I told him.  I played with the buttons on my jacket because I could nto look at him.

I slowed slightly, but kept walking.  How could they put that on her?  She had a daughter!  I could not believe that!  "Oh?" I questioned, not trusting mysef to say any more than that.

Shrugging, I replied with, "Well, it doesn't seem like a completley bad idea with everything they have planned out."  I stopped walking and so did Dean.  "I would need to meet our daughter -- Sedona -- first."  It scared me to death, but it needed to be done.  How could I put off seeing her anymore?