I'm just trying to keep it together....Tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defence.----- May 28th 1977

I put my arms around her and knew that this was coming. I couldn't believe what her parentgs did... I mean, my mom wasn't any better, but still. It always amazes me how ungrateful parents could get.

I wiped my eyes with my hand now covered in dirt realizing this not really caring. I put my arms around him as I just wept, I couldn't help this. I was almost hyperventilating, " She'd want me to visit..." I said through sobs.

I held her and brushed her hair away from her face, kissing the top of her head. "I know, sweetie," I whispered to her. It hurt so much for me to be there and holding her was all I could do to even make her feel better. It was killing me.

I felt terrible. I wiped my eyes, ass I now had dirt on my face because of it. Smiling, " I'm all covered in dirt now...." I said trying to make myself smile a little more. It worked a little bit I looked up to his eyes, " I don't understand why it's my fault..." I said quietly as I stood up, stumbling a little because this had taken a lot out of me. I knew it would which was partially why I asked Remus to come with me. " Thank you for coming." I said to him as I just held onto him. It meant a lot to know he had supported me going there. " We are going to go back. I don't care what they said. " I told him as I promise I made mentally to my sister.

"I know, sweetie," I said, kissing her forehead once more. "And I'm going back with you no matter what." I stood there holding her at arms length away from me. "Why don't we head back to the castle and get you in a nice hot, relaxing bubble bath?" I suggested, trying to make her feel better. "And I can make you my best cup of hot chocolate and then we can snuggle in bed for however long you need...?"

I gave a nod and a smile to him. " Sounds wonderful." I told him as I brushed myself off and took hold of his hands. I grinned, " In front of the fireplace?" I asked him. " If it's open?" It would just add to the mood and would help calm me down. It was weird I could just be with Remus and be perfectly fine. I just had a lot held in. It just broke today.

"Anywhere you want," I said with a smile.

I grinned, " Sounds good to me" I laughed a little it felt so hard to do. But I felt a little better laughing with him. Just being himself can make me feel better. No matter what the problem.

"Are you alright to walk back to the castle?" she seemed a little shaky to me. And I'd hate to see her fall on top of everythign else she had to deal with today.

I grinned, " Well, I could always use a lift. " I said as I was ready to jump up for a piggy back ride. It would be so much better knowing that i'm not going to trip for my nerves.

I grinned at her and crouched down so she could hop on. "I feel like a pack mule," I teased as I stood back up holding her legs while she wrapped her arms around me.

I grinned, " thank you." I laughed a little as I saw his face. " You're all right." I teased. I was so happy I didn't go by myself. I knew I needed him more then I would have thought to be there with me to get through my parents. I was so happy I was finally with him. I have only liked him about as much as James liked lily for about the same length of time. Did he need to know that. Nope. I waved my legs a little. giving him a kiss on the cheek, " Really...thanks. "

"Chlo, don't worry about it," I said. "Never hesitate to ask me anything... you should know I'll do just about anything... why do you think the guys have gotten me into as much trouble?" I joked.

I laughed, " Very true...Remus do you ever regret not doing something....or agreeing to do something as simple as setting up a prank for severus?" I asked him. " The way that I have had to deal with my sister's passing is on my own. I know that I know nothing of what happened with you and your mother and how hard it was for you. " I said as I felt myself tighten my grip on him. I slightly swung my feet as I continued. " You know, it's something funny...when we were little my sister and I were stuck to each others hip. We were very well known around our neighbourhood and no one ever picked on Zoey..." I said with a grin. " They knew they had to deal with me if they ever laid a hand on her..." I said biting my lip. " Something about that night I will never forget is that before I blacked out...I heard..." I was struggling to continue but knew I needed to say it. " I heard...heard...my li...little sister...shout for me. For once there was a time when I physically couldn't do anything for her. " I felt the tears streaming down my face.

" If you don't mind me asking.... what has helped you to keep going when you've felt the worst? " I asked him. I was so glad I wasn't walking but I wanted to ask him. " I mean you don't have to answer but I am just wondering how other people cope with loss. " I said with a slight laugh. " When I lost Zoey I lost everyone that once cared about me....the funny thing is...when we were attacked we were outside of our house Remus...." I said broken. " If they looked outside they would have seen these men, getting away with there babies..." I said almost at a whisper because I felt myself weak carrying on. " I don't know why the hell they didn't look outside. But it seemed like now they had an out to why the little Zoey hadn't come in. It was because her older sister couldn't protect her...." I said as I tightened my grip on him, and dug my face into his hood on his cloak.

I hadn't told Chloe about the reason why my mother left. Would I be able to evasively tell her that I had been right outside my own home, too? I was torn about how to answer her. I stayed quiet for a little bit while I walked back to the castle. "Chloe... I do wish sometimes that the guys weren't so mean to Severus. But there's not much I can do about that... it's complicated," I added with a slight sigh. "And... the reason my mother left was for something that had happened in my own back yard. I couldn't believe she didn't even try to help... she just looked at me in horror. I will never forget that look in her eyes." I hadn't thought about that day for a little while. "I was lucky my father had come home at that time... he saved me. I owe my dad everything," I added with a little smile. "The biggest regret I have is giving that woman a second chance. I went to her wedding... when she remarried. Biggest mistake I have ever made. She didn't deserve it." I didn't say it due to the fact that I thought Chloe was being to kind with her own parents. That really was my biggest regret.

"Chloe, I honestly cannot say what has gotten me through my worst... I think it was hope for the light at the end of the tunnel. Just hope that it would get better." I adjusted her a little bit on my back. "And it did get better, sweetie."