I close my eyes tightly, hold on & hope that I'm dreaming -- 1999?

I had the day off and was home with the twins.  They were as different from one another already as Juniper and I were different from each other.  Ian was right on target developmentally it seemed -- right now he was laying on his back beneath a little tent-thing that had different toys attached to it playing with his toes.  Keegan, however, was a different story.  She had a certain routine already and we could never stray from it, though everyone said we should not cater to her schedule.  Though they were only a handful of months, Ian loved meeting strangers while Keegan preferred to be with me.  She had a hard time going to Pansy, even sometimes.  Ian would laugh and giggle and play with his fingers and toes... Keegan never laughed or smiled.  Ever.  Dorian was starting to listen to us and could recognize our voices now; his sister seemed to not hear us, but I swear she could hear the cat meowing on the streets below.  It was a little hectic to say the least.  The pediatrician had an idea about what was going on with Keegan, but did not want to say anything definite until she was a little bit older as some of this could just be the fact she is a little slower to develop than her brother -- which I understood all too well.

I glanced up at the clock on the wall and saw that it was nearly time for Auntie Juniper to be stopping by.  Fortunately for me, it was the time that Keegan normally started to drift off for her nap time and I could normally get Ian to do the same.  I watched my son on the floor, trying to roll over, while I rocked Keegan.  Once she was asleep, I could work on getting Ian to take his nap.  I just hoped that June would know to walk on in since I was expecting her.  Little noises seemed to wake Keegan more than big noises ever did.

I took another look in the mirror. It was as if I exploded over the last few day, my baby bump was clearly showing now. I was about five or six months along and was scared about what would happen. Linc and I agreed not to tell anyone, including Draco, until I was showing and now I was. I bit my nails nervously. I couldn't risk anything happening to him or her. I remember what we went through to keep Draco's children, Pansy and Linc safe last summer and absent-mindedly rubbed my Mark. I looked down at it and realized how many people were safe because Draco and I had taken it. I knew I would do it all over again if it meant that my little boy or girl would be safe.

I looked at the clock and realized that it was time to go meet Draco. Linc and I agreed that he should be the fist to know so I asked if I could meet him and we both had the day off. I walked into our room, grabbed one of Linc baggy sweaters and put it on. I was happy that it was a least a bit chilly out so a sweater wouldn't be completely out of place. I couldn't risk other people knowing yet, fearing the information may fall in the wrong ears. I walked back to the mirror and took one last look. It would somewhat cover my bump for now but I knew that soon, even a baggy sweater wouldn't be enough. It pained me that I couldn't yet sacrifice myself to save my child if I needed to, he or she was still in me and to keep him or her safe, I had to be safe too. I grabbed the toys I had bought for the twins, sighed and apparated to Draco's.

I took a moment to wait outside the door. It felt weird just walking in, like I was barging in on them, but he told me countless times to just come on in. Not only would Keegan be more likely to wake up with a small noise but he reminded me that this had once been my home too. And I was welcome back any time. I walked in and closed the door behind me as quietly as I could. I knew it would be about nap time so I made my way to the twins room and saw Keegan already asleep and Ian about to follow in his twins foot steps. I knew Keegan wasn't developing as quickly as Ian but she would start doing things when she was ready, Draco and I knew that better then anyone. "Draco." I whispered to get his attention. When he looked up, I smiled at him. "I'll wait in the kitchen." I mouthed. When he nodded, I made my way to the kitchen. I put the presents on the table and I tried to sit down but I was too nervous. I stood, bit my nails and stared pacing. I wouldn't let anything happen to my child, no matter what I had to do to prevent it.

I looked over at the opened doorway and smiled at June.  I had gotten Keegan down and Ian was so close to falling asleep.  It only took five more minutes and I was closing the bedroom door as I checked the monitor that was in my hand to make sure it was on.  I gave June a hug to keep her from continuing to pace in my kitchen.  "Hey... what's wrong?" I asked, knowing all the warning signs.  I was sure that she would avoid the question and bring up a different subject or something, but maybe just once she would answer me without me having to prod her along to get to the point of the matter.

I pulled away and turned away from Draco slightly, wiping away a tear that had fallen. I shook my head. "It's nothing." I attempted to assure him, trying to keep the slight catch out of my voice. I saw the presents I had brought the twins and was happy for the distraction. "I got the twins something." I held up the present, a book that made sounds as you read through it for Ian and a doll for Keegan. She didn't like noises as much and I didn't want to give her something she might not like. I figured the Ian would like the sounds and Draco or Pansy could read it to them. Keegan would hopefully like the doll and maybe even the book as well. "I hope you like them." I felt my baby move and put my free hand on my belly. My smile widened as I looked at Draco, hoping to distract him from what I had just done, Linc's sweater only covered my bump if you didn't know to look.. "I figured you could read the book to Ian and play with the doll with Keegan."

I grinned at Juniper.  "They'll love them," I said, sure that the twins would.  "You didn't have to... but thank you."  At least they got spoiled by their auntie and soon-to-be uncle.  I may end up having more fun with the toys than the kids, actually.  I looked at June as I poured myself a cup of coffee, tapping the side with my wand to make it steam.  "Do you want anything?  I know I'm going to need this if I'm going to last all day without passing out," I said, chuckling slightly.  Even though I was sleep deprived, I would not change it for the world.  I knew there was something wrong, but I was going to let her sidestep it for a little bit.  Sometimes with June it was better to ease into the topic rather than press her for information of what was going on.

"Auntie June and Uncle Linc love their niece and nephew." I said with a smile. I looked at the steam coming off his coffee and sighed, "A coffee would be nice." I said, more to myself. I knew what Draco meant, I had trouble sleeping the past few nights, worrying about what would happen now that people would start to find out I was pregnant. I could not wait until my son or daughter was here so I could more easily protect him or her but for now, I just had to make sure I was safe. I saw Draco start to grab a mug for me. "Oh, I'm good." I knew caffeine wasn't the best for the baby. I laughed it off. "I'll just get some water." I walked to the cabinets with the glasses, took my favourite one and filled it with water from the tap. I took a sip and noticed how shaky my hands were by the vibrations in the water. I smiled at Draco again, hoping he wouldn't notice the water, as I set the glass on the counter. "How is everyone?" I asked, hoping to distract him if he had seen. I was happy that he hadn't asked me again what was wrong but knew that just meant it would probably come up again later.

I gave Juniper a look as I mixed in some sugar.  I smiled slightly at when she said they loved Keegan and Ian.  It warmed my heart every time someone said something like that about my kids.  I watched June fill her glass and knew something was definitely going on, but her question was a bit of a distraction.  It was definitely easy to distract a tired parent if they started to ask how the kids were.  "We're all good.  Pansy is happy to get back to work... though with where I am now, she really doesn't need to.  But it's probably just nice to get out of the flat, I suppose," I mused, shrugging slightly.  I sighed and shook my head.  "We had a checkup with the twins about a week ago now... Ian is right on target.  Keegan is showing some different tendencies that they're afraid may turn into something more serious than just lagging behind slightly."  I looked towards the bedroom that they shared and could not help but feel worried about my little girl.  What if something happened to her that I was unable to control or protect her from?  I sighed again and returned my gaze to my sister.  "How are you and Lincoln?  I feel like I've been so wrapped up in the twins and work lately, that I haven't seen or talked to you in ages."

I nodded."I'm sure she is, I can't imagine taking care of the twins all day while you're at work." I said with a slight smile. "She's probably just happy to get away from here for a bit, though I'm sure she misses them." I tried to place myself in her shoes, since I would be in them soon enough anyway. I'd hate to be cooped up indoors all day but maybe I could take my baby on walks sometimes. Not only would it help me loose the baby fat, but it would get us both out of the house. I smiled at my bonding plan. When he mentioned the appointment I was happy that Ian was doing well but upset slightly that Keegan hadn't seemed to have made any progress. "She'll come into her own, even if it's not quite in the way you would expect." I wasn't sure exactly what he meant but knew he was worried when he looked over at the door to their room. I put my hand on his. "We'll make sure she's okay." I assured him. I realized though, that I couldn't do that anymore. I had to make sure I was safe to keep my baby safe. How could I protect both my baby and Keegan? I shook my head to clear it, hoping I would never have to make that choice.

I took another sip of water, my hands still shaky. I set it down and bit my lip, debating what to say. "Linc and I are okay, and we totally understand, you're busy." We had actually been happy about that fact, we didn't feel terribly guilty that we hadn't told them yet since we could never really find time to get together in the first place. "He wishes he could've came but he has this big case he's working on right now." I knew it involved a few children but was more complicated then usual so I couldn't remember the specifics. "That's about it." I said. My baby kicked me then, as of he or she was remaining me that they were there, and it was definitely not 'about it.'  I gasped in shock as I looked down, it had been slightly more powerful then usual, as I placed my hand on my belly again, an automatic response. I looked back up at my brother, trying to think of another way to distract him, but I was too tired to think of anything that I thought might actually work on him. "So, weird weather we're having hu?"

I was sure that Pansy missed the twins; I missed them like crazy when I was at work, I could only imagine how a mother - a real mother - would feel.  I smiled slightly at Juniper's attempt of comforting words about Keegan.  I did not care if she was a little slower than Ian or different in any way -- she was still my little girl.  But I knew how our family was and that was what worried me the most.  I would try to keep the pressures of being a Malfoy off of my twins, but knew that it was inevitable at one point or another that they would feel it.  I sighed and shook my head at Juniper.  "My kids are not your responsibility to protect, June," I said softly, though I knew that was just how both of us were -- we would protect each other (and now each others' family) as much as we possibly could.

I eyed my sister closely when she gasped and put her hand on her stomach for a moment.  I raised my eyebrows at her, but it was all coming together now.  She looked a little more flushed than normal, I could see that her cheeks were a little bit fuller, and, now that I looked down, I noticed a small bump beneath Lincoln's sweater.  A smile started to play at the corners of my lips.  "June... how far along are you?" I asked her, thinking that I was going to be an uncle.  That was almost as good of a feeling as knowing I was going to be a father.

I looked up from my baby bump. "You know I'll protect Keegan and Ian the best I can. I've done it before and I'll do it again." I looked down again and smiled. "And now they'll be another person for me to protect." I smiled up at him and hoped he would be too mad that we had wait so long to tell him. "I'm probably further along them you think." I admitted slowly, lifting Linc sweater so he could fully see my swollen belly. "About five and a half months." My face fell slightly, "I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner but Linc and I wanted to wait until I was showing more." I didn't want anyone knowing before they had to, it was the only way I could protect my child right now. "You're the first to know besides Linc and I."

I knew, despite what I said about it, she would; which was only fair, I suppose, since I would help her protect my little niece or nephew as well now.  I shook my head at her slightly, a smile playing at my lips.  "Don't fret -- Pansy and I did the same thing," I reminded her as if she could forget.  I walked over to my sister and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.  "Congratulations... how are the two of you taking it?" I was a bit worried about them -- though Lincoln seemed to always be there for Juniper.  But it had been just me and June against the world for so long, it was hard for me to trust him with her as I imagined it may be for Juniper to trust Pansy with me.

"I don't think you waited five and a half months." I smiled over at him though. He was right, they had waited until later to tell us as well, just not as long as we had. I returned the hug. "Thank you." I said sincerely. I held on for a few more moments before pulling away. "We're good." I replied, "Linc's setting up the nursery and he won't let me help at all." I rolled my eyes, "I tried to convince him that I can still lift some things but he's persistent." I was trying to show him how amazing Linc was being right now but I knew he was worried about me with him. It had been just us for so long, I had felt the same way when Pansy and Draco had gotten married and had the twins but I had gotten to see them together which help slightly. I bit my lip. There was one thing that Linc would never understand though. He had seen what we had to do to protect Ian and Keegan but he wasn't the one to go through it. He hadn't known what we had to do until after it happened. "I'm just a bit worried about what's going to happen now." I admitted slowly. I took a shaky breath, I couldn't ask Draco or Linc to protect me and the baby from our family, but I felt I couldn't really do that right now. I had to stay safe so my baby would be safe, I couldn't sacrifice myself for my little boy or girl yet.

I laughed.  "I don't think we could have gotten away with waiting five and a half months... Pansy was already popping at the three or four month mark," I pointed out.  I was glad to hear that Lincoln was treating my sister the right way -- even if Juniper resisted.  It did make me feel better.  I took a drink of my coffee while Juniper spoke.  I sighed and shook my head slightly.  "No matter what may happen, you know we'll all be there.  Just because it's not just you and me anymore, doesn't mean that I still won't do anything to protect my family..."  I knew that she knew that.  Look what happened with us when my part of the family was threatened.  We would come together to protect her, too.

"She did have two babies in her, I only have one." I pointed out with a small laugh. I turned serious again, as I looked down and put a hand on my stomach. "But I can't do anything. Not this time." I admitted out loud. I wrapped my arms around my belly, as if that could protect the little life I had inside me. "I can't rely on your or Linc to help protect me, I can't ask that of you two." I shook my head, I had already asked the world of both of them countless times, I couldn't again. "You and I, we could do what we had to do to protect Pansy, the twins and Linc. Right now, I can't do anything because it could still hurt the baby. I can't do a goddamn thing to protect my family right now." That's what bothered me the most. With the twins, it was only my life on the line, I could take the Mark, get tortured if I had to, anything to save my family. I couldn't do that now, I had it worry about my son or daughter that was still inside me. A tear escaped and slid down my cheek. For the first time in my life, I felt helpless.

I approached my sister and put my hand on her cheek, wiping away her tear with my thumb.  "June... that's what me and Linc are here for," I assured her.  I would not let Pansy get involved in anything.  One of us had to make sure to be there for the twins.  "We're not going to give you a choice in that matter, either."  I hoped she knew that.  No matter what she wanted, Lincoln and I would protect her as much as we could -- and I knew what we were both willing to risk for that.