Everything that you thought I would be is falling apart right in front of you - Winter 1996

I smiled slightly.  "I wasn't going to force you to leave, I just wanted to prepare you for what you will hear," I said.  I looked over at the curtains where I could faintly see Poppy's outline.  I knew the worst was soon coming and I wasn't sure if Dean would be able to handle it in his state.

I wanted to make Winters pay for what she ended up supplying him with. She is going to pay. I nodded as Remus spoke about what we will hear. I knew it would be bad. I found him and I just hope it wasn't too late.

Everything was black and then it felt like my body was on fire.  My eyes flashed open and I could not help but scream.  What was going on?  I felt soaked... I was going to throw up... I was seeing stars... I moved over to the side and everything came up.  I was dry heaving and sweat was dripping from my brow when I finally realized where I was.  Pomfrey was bustling around me, doing I had no idea.  I fell back onto the bed and was constantly groaning.  I was so painful... I hurt all over... I was a sticky mess.  I was breathing heavily.  I had no idea what was going on.

I cringed as I heard Dean's shouting. I wish there was something I could do for him. This is his fault, along with Winters, maybe I should go get her and bring her back.I looked out the window as soon as I got told I could go in I will. For now I sat in the window sill.

Poppy came out from behind the curtain, leaving it partially open and I saw Dean's head.  It was soaking wet and I saw him cringing.  It was extremely difficult for me to feel bad for him right now.  I looked at my friends and Lenni and ushered them to go see Dean.  I walked with Poppy and I had to ask her some details.  Especially how soon we needed him to get to St. Mungo's, how close he was to being lost to us, everything.  So I would get details while his parents and sister went to see him.

"Go see him whiel you can.  Don't pressure him about anything," Poppy warned as she looked at all of us.  She kept heading to get different things around for Dean while she told me everything i needed to know while the Blacks went to be with Dean.

I walked over to my brother, it was hard for me to see him like this. This was his own doing, although he didn't do this by himself, it came from Winters. I almost wanted to yell at him about me being melodramatic. Now, does it seem that way. No, but I was going to bring it up now.

I grabbed a cool wash cloth and wiped his face a little bit to get rid of some of his sweat off of his forehead.  "Dean, honey, just breathe," I said softly, really getting worried with his short shallow breaths, his shaking, his sweating.  I mean, it was all helping him in the long run, but I couldn't help but be concerned about the way he was acting right now.  I had such mixed feelings about what was hapening wiht Dean right now.

I hated how I could not control myself right now.  And why the hell were my parents here?  I had no idea what was going on... last thing I remembered was getting high.  I did that on a regular basis... so I guess that I probably overdosed or something.  It was hard for me to do, but I really did not want anyone touching me.  It hurt.  I pushed Mum's hand away from my face.  "Don't... I'm fine..." I said, but as soon as the words were out of my mouth I had to roll over so I could throw up again.  I could not relaly open my eyes fully so I really hoped that I was at least hitting a bucket or something... I would feel bad at a later point in time if I hit one of my family members.

I looked into the room and saw Dean throwing up, " that's always a normal thing." I mumbled. I was annoyed and yet worried about him. I was conflicted to know what I should do whether I sould feel bad or go kill Winters. Not literally of course. Just need to figure out what is going to happen when he comes to and realizes whats going on. I wanted to make him realize that he really made everyone worry. He is the only one that is going to do that.

I sighed and stood up to pace.  I did not like the fact that I could do nothing for my son.  He did this to himself... but what I wanted to know was why.  I told myself we needed to get him in the clear before I could yell at him or talk to him about anything.  I looked up when Pomfrey walked back through the curtain.  "IProfessor Dumbledore lifted the enchantment with Apparating out of the grounds so you all can get Dean to St. Mungo's.  I already warned them ahead of time what was going on.  They ust want to observe to make sure everything is coming out. I advise staying calm and letting him breathe before any scolding," she said, leaving us with our son again.  I looked at my husband and figured he would take Dean.  Lenni wasn't old enough to Apparate yet and so I was going to take her.

I laid my head back down on the pillow.  I felt like I got thrown across the room by a troll or something.  I could hear them talking and nI heard my name... I just did not really care right now.  I mean, I did... but I just did not feel like dealing with any of them.  I wondered how long I could pull off keeping my eyes closed.  I id not want to see the looks in their eyes.  I heard the words St. Mungo's and groaned, even though they all probably thought it was due to what was going on wiht me right now.  "Go home... not St. Mungo's," I managed to say, hoping that they would agree to that but knowing they would not.

I crossed my arms, " Yeah, right...." I raised my eyebrows, as if my brother was okay to make the decision. " You know....it's not like you have a choice. " I said darkly. I was so mad at him right now its unbelievable. I started pacing, " You know, you did this to yourself.." I snapped angrily. " I am staying here..." I told my parents as I took off from the hospital wing.

I wanted to do the same thing Elena was doing to Dean right now, but I had to act like an adult.  I felt like strangling my son for doing this to all of us.  I looked at Sirius.  "I'm going to make sure she's okay," I said quietly, finding my own escape for the moment.  "If you're not here when I calm her down, I'll meet you at St. Mungo's."  I gave Sirius a kiss and went off after my daughter.  I caught up to her and put a hand on her shoulder.  "Honey, are you sure you're going to stay?" I asked her softly, surprised that I could keep my voice so steady when all I wanted to do was scream.

If I didn't feel so miserable, I would have said something back to Elena.  I felt like I got run over by a herd of hippogriffs or something.  I knew that if I even opened my mouth to try to talk, I would probably dry heave.  There was nothing left to throw up... they made sure of that.  I had enough strength now to open my eyes, but I did not.  I did not want to see the look on my dad's face since he was the only one left with me.  I started to shake and knew that that was going to be coming.  I clenched my jaw to keep it from chattering with the shakes and to keep myself from groaning or anything else again.

I jumped when my mum touched me, turning to her " Oh, sorry mum yeah I think I'm going to stay here...the time I spoke to him before I was being told to stop being melodramatic for caring about him!" I started to pace in the hallway. I know it wasn't her fault. " I can't look at him......I can't....telling me to stop caring I'm done...I found him and I don't want to do anything like that again. " I said, " Making sure that he didn't die and now I am continuing not caring.." I said.