Everything that you thought I would be is falling apart right in front of you - Winter 1996

I had just left some girl -- I couldn't even remember her name -- and I wanted something to release my mind.  I went to where I had my hidden stash.  I was in a dark, abandoned looking classroom.  I sat down on the floor, my back leaning up against the wall, I crushed all the variety of pills that I had and poured the powder into the bottle of firewhiskey.  I took a a big swig.  I had just seen Addison flirting -- at least that was what it looked like -- with some guy.  She looked happy.  I was glad... but it just made me miserable.  I wished I could do what Uncle Remus and Lenni wanted me to do.  I just was not able to be strong... I was just tired of it all.  I started to drink faster and it seemed like it was finished in no time.  I felt the beautiful cloud of numbness enclose around me.

I had been reading in my favourite window sill as I was walking back to the tower when I noticed a body on the ground. I walked a little faster when I realized it was Dean. I felt my eyes grow large as I ran over to him. " Dean!" I tapped his shoulder. " Dean can you hear me?" I tapped on him and tried to make sure he was responsive. " Wake up!" I shouted at him. I am going to kill Winters for giving this to him. Again. I looked on him and found the empty pill case and the empty bottle. I felt the tears welling up. " I will be right back. " I promised him as I ran as hard and fast as I could. " Remus!" I shouted. Running into his office. I looked around. " REMUS HELP! PLEASE!" I screamed.

I looked up and saw how frightened Elena looked.  I stood up quickly and followed her, not needing any explanation.  I would help her no matter what the issue was.  "Lenni, explain while we walk," I said, figuring a heads up would be kind of nice to know what I was walking into.

I wiped my eyes quickly and looked to Remus, " It's Dean, I'm not sure hes not answering me or anything and he's pale...." I said worried that something happened to him. I hated seeing him like this. I was really scared and normally do not like to feel this vulnerable. I said picking up the speed and taking Remus to Dean.

I picked up my pace with Elena and when we got into the classroom and I saw Dean... I dropped to the ground beside him.  I was extremely scared for him right now... and I really wished that it would not show on my face, but I was sure that it was.  I needed to stay calm for Lenni's sake.  "Dean...?" I said, tapping his cheeks.  There was nothing I could do for him.  I waved my wand and Dean floated up.  I looked over to my niece and said, "I'm taking him to Pomfrey... send word to your parents and Chloe.  I will met you in the hospital wing, okay?"  I had no idea how this would pan out so I wanted to make sure Dean's parents were there.  I wished that I could do more than just take him to Pomfrey... he would probably end up in St. Mungo's, but I just wanted to see if there was anything we could do here so he would be comfortable as possible.  I headed towards the hospital wing and I hoped that Lenni would at least stay calm enough to do that.  "Lenni, it'll be okay.  I'm pretty sure we caught him early," I added, trying to soothe her the best I could.

I nodded tear stained face, I ran as fast as I could to the owlery. I took out a spare piece of parchment and scribbled as fast as my hand and brain would go. Mum, Dad....get here now!....Dean's not responding to anyone...may get told to go to St.Mungos....please hurry! I rolled it up and attached it to Cleo. Then wrote to Aunt Chloe, Get here fast! Dean's not responding to anyone...may get told to go to St. Mungo's " Get to them fast." I told her, she hooted at me and took off towards my home. I looked as she disappeared in the night, " Please hurry.." I said quietly. Then turning I took off towards the hospital wing to meet Remus.

I read the owl that Elena sent and I dropped it and yelled for my husband.  "Sirius!  We need to get to Hogwarts... it's Dean!" I said, feeling as if I couldn't move.  But the htought of my boy being without his mother and unresponsive got my butt into gear.  I grabbed my cloak and  nearly ran into Sirius as I was trying to find him so we could head out to the school.  I had picked up the letter and I showed it to him even though there really wasn't much informatino on it to begin with.

I didn't need to be told twice. I grabbed my cloak and rushed into Ember. Nodding, " We have everything, let's go" I urged her out the door. When she got frazzled she sometimes needed a push. I pulled out my wand. " Just off the grounds." I said to her as I took her hand. I figured I would get us there. We apparated just outside the grounds and then we took off towards the castle.

I was so glad that Sirius got us to the grounds.  We made it to the Hospital Wing and I saw Remus and Pomfrey standing over Dean and working on him, whispering quietly to each other.  I saw my little girl looking like how I felt.  I walked up to her and put my arms around her.  I figured that Remus and Pomfrey would not want me to get in their way right now despite my urge to want to go up to my son right now.  "Lenni...have they said anything?" I asked her.

Walking in seeing the scene before us, we waited despite how much I wanted to go bother Remus and find out what the hell happened to him. Noticing how Lenni looked it was really bad. As much as she may not want to admit she cares a lot more for her brother than people think. Including him. " Hey Babygirl." I said to her as she gave me a small smile. I stood with the pair putting my arms around them.

I walked away from Poppy and went over to my family.  I knew they'd want information... and there was no way that I was going to keep anything from them.  "This isn't going to be a pretty process according to Poppy," I said, shaking my head.  "She said she can get the drugs out of his system to get him stable, but still wants to send him to St. Mungo's to be on the safe side.  Then he's going home with you two early for the holiday break.  We don't want him back here..."  I looked back at Dean and saw Poppy closing the curtains around them.  "She's just going to start the detox..."

I sighed looking down, the drugs again. It seemed that he had really began to spiral but we weren't the one who could help him. I knew that I felt my wife and daughter tense up and Lenni left the hospital wing to go to the window sill. I saw the tears in her eyes. Knowing she was worried about him. I held onto Em. " Let her be for a bit.." I whispered. Looking to moony and I nodded. " Yeah, we'll be taking him home early and we don't want this happening again. " I said in agreement.

I shook my head.  "I'm fresh out of ideas of how to deal with him anymore," I said to my friends.  I had tried everything to help him... and nothing worked.  "We may want to go out in the hall... once the detox gets to a certain point, Dean will wake up.  And he will be extremely painful... I don't know if you want to hear that."  I was thinking more of Ember and Elena for that aspect.

I wanted to go make sure the only child I could help right now was okay, but Sirius was right.  She was best off on her own for the moment.  I saw the pain and worry written all over Remus's face with what was going on.  I know he was constantly on Dean about everything... obviously Sirius and I did what we could, but Dean was just as stubborn as either one of us.  He never listened.  I pushed my hair out of my face and shook my head.  "If he's going to be that painful... can I at least be there to hold his hand or something?  Let him know he's not alone?" I asked Remus.  That was just my mother instinct in me wanting to try to make my kids pain free as much as possible.

I looked at them as they spoke, " I'm staying here..." I told them as they came walking out of the hospital wing. I made sure they all knew I wasn't going anywhere. He helps me, now it's time for me to be there for him. I heard my mum ask if she could be here for him. Smiling slightly, " I'm here too." I said.