It's alright to take time and find where you've been -- Winter 1996

I went to visit Dean in St. Mungo's after his overdose as soon as Remus would allow me to visit.  I walked into Dean's room and saw him sitting there, flicking through a magazine with no interest.  He was looking horrible, but I could see that spark back in his eyes that he had lost after everything with Addison and the baby.  I knocked on the door and gave a lame wave and half smile.  "Want a distraction from the wonderful read?" I asked, trying ot joke.  I was not entirely sure how he would be right now.

I looked up at the door and saw Lincoln.  I was kind of surprised that he was there, but then again, Uncle Remus knew that me and hiim were close.  Maybe he thought that Lincoln would be a better guest than the family right now.  "Please," I said, setting the magazine down.  "Tell me... what are the rumors at school?" I asked him.  it had been a few days since my overdose and I would be going to Grimmauld Place in the morning.  I was not looking forward to that really.

I sighed and shrugged.  "Actually, they're pretty spot on," I said to him honestly as I sat down in the chair near his bed.  "I mean, there's all sorts of stories on what you OD'd on, but the rest of it is pretty straight forward."  I looked at him.  "You should have come to me, mate..." I said quietly.  I could have done something.  I knew that Dean hated asking for help, but still.  I am always there to help people and I failed one of my best mates... this hurt as much as seeing Juniper in pain as well.  I just hoped that the potion I had given her would help... but I did have a fear that something like this would happen.  But thankfully, no one knew how to brew the potion except for me.

I looked away from Lincoln, feeling ashamed of myself.  "I should've done a lot of things, Linc," I said to him quietly.  I ran a hand through my hair.  Looking back at my mate, I added, "I am sorry."  I hoped he knew I was sincere.  I had a feeling I was going to be doing a lot of apologizing for a long time after this.  And no one would look or treat me the same, either.  It was my fault and I just had to take it in stride, but I was not sure if I would be able to handle it without some assistance.  Which, I hoped, was what Lincoln would be... he never judged anyone.

I shook my head.  "You're quite alright," I said to him.  "You had a lot to deal with... just if you feel like you are going out of control," I pointed out to him, "reach out for help."  I did nto want to have to go through this again.

I smiled slightly at Lincoln. "Trust me... I definitely learned my lesson the hard way," I assured him, adjusting myself into a more upright position.  "It's just... everyone will end up looking at me different.  Like I'm a loose cannon or something.  I can handle that... I just won't be able to handle what I did to everyone."  I hated being this open, but I lost my family to talk to things about this because I alienated them basically.

I rubbed the back of my neck.  "I know you hurt a lot of people, Dean, but the ones you hurt are also your family.  Family means never turning your back on each other," I said.  My family life was horrible... but I figured that was what most families were like.  It seemed that was how the Lupins and Blacks were, anyways.  "They wont' hate you for anything... but they will be hurt for awhile.  You just have to try to be yourself and they'll realize that you're better..."

I sighed.  "I guess you're right," I said.  "It'll be a long road with the whole lot of them... but I did it; I have to rebuild it."  I wish I would have thought more about everything when it was going on.  But I just wanted to find a way to get rid of the pain... and I was a complete tosser about the whole bloody situation.

At least he recognized the gravity of hte situation.  I tried to smile reassuringly at him.  "At least you have the chance to make it up to them... rather than something else that easily could have happened," I mentioned.

I sighed and nodded; he had a point.  "I know... This all happened because I wanted to handle things the... easier way than the harder way," I explained, choosing my words as carefully as my muddled mind would let me.  "And I just made things far worse."

I knew Dean was one to beat himself up about things -- and it would not make this any better.  "Dean, try not to think of that aspect," I said to him.  "Just... try to look forward.  That's the best thing to do right now."

Lincoln always tried to help me look past my own self.  I smiled slightly.  "Easier said than done, mate," I said to him simply.

I chuckled and leaned back in my chair.  "We both know that very well," I agreed with Dean.  There was so much on both of our plates more often than not, that we both knew how easy things should be versus what they actually were.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair.  "I wish I wasn't so daft," I said, shaking my head sadly.

I shook my head at Dean.  "You're not daft," I said to him.  "Well, maybe a little bit.  But you were in pain and were trying to figure out what to do to help yourself.  Everyone has their weaknesses."  I did not want him to beat himself up about anything because that could turn this worse again.