Take my hand and we'll make it I swear - early 1999

I gave him a weak smile. I was so luck that I had someone like Lincoln, who understood everything I was trying to say. "I'm sorry I'm like this." I apologized. "I'm just not sure how else to be." I sighed as I looked down at my stomach, a slight smile playing at my lips. "I will make sure our child never feels that way. I may have no choice with the way I was raised but he or she will know that no matter what, we will love them and care about them."

I kissed the top of her forehead.  "That is one thing I don't doubt.  We both know the worst of parents... so we can at least do the opposite and know we're doing something right," I said, a smirk playing at my lips.

I rolled my eyes slightly and gave a small laugh as I smiled up at him. "That's true." I replied. I looked back down and saw my Mark. I sighed, my smile fading slowly as I started scratching it. "We know not to force them to do anything they don't want to do by threatening them, or the people they care about."

I could not help but chuckle a little bit.  "Yeah... that's clearly the wrong way to raise a child," I said easily.  I sighed, stopping her from scratching her mark.  "I think we can handle this easily compared to waht we went through."

I looked at his hand on top of mine, prevent me from scratching my Mark. Giving a sigh, I decided not to try to scratch it again, I knew he would just stop me again anyway. "I hope so." I said simply. "I just don't want our child to be raised the way we were. I don't want to turn into my parents, either of them." I looked up at him, unshed tears in my eyes. "My mother may not have been as bad as Father, but she never stood up for us, she never tried to stop him. She couldn't stand up to him either."

I lifted her chin so she would stay looking at me. "I will make sure that never happens," I said to her sincerely.  My gaze broke from hers for a moment before I looked back into her blue eyes.  "Just make sure that I never turn into mine."  I was not entirely sure if I ever could, but I did not want my anger get the best of me... because it was there, beneath the surface.  Just, at the moment, I made sure it went to the goodside, what would happen if it went the other way?

I looked into his eyes when I responded. "I will never let that happen." I assured him sincerely. I sighed, taking a moment to find a lighter topic. "You know what this means thought?" I began, a slight smile playing at my lips, "I'm going to be fat for our wedding."

I laughed and kissed her forehead.  "Yeah, well, you have fun breaking that news to Pansy... I think she was awfully excited for you to have a princess-like wedding day," I said to her, though I knew Draco and myself wanted her to have the perfect day as well.  Sometimes I thought we were worse than Pansy was.

<<so I think I may have mentioned this but June wants Draco and Pansy to have a real wedding and thought why not at the same time as her and Lincoln? If you don't want this just let me know and I'll change it...... >>

My eyes widen. "Princess? Me?" I shook my head. "Oh no, that can be Pansy. I'm just going to be the other bride." I assured him. I sighed, looking up at him. "I already told you, the day doesn't have to be perfect for me, I'd be fine just going to the Ministry. You deserve a real wedding though. You deserve everything to be prefect and a real princess bride, not me. You deserve someone so much better then me." I sighed as I put my head back in my hands on the table.

I kissed her forehead.  "Well, no matter what, you won't be the other bride for me," I said to her.  I would decide not to comment on the rest of what she said.  It would just be a round and round debate with her that sometimes would be best if I just let it slide every now and then.

I was not entirely sure of that, but I knew that Juniper would end up helping me believe otherwise -- just like I would convince her she would be a wonderful mother.  "I hope it's a girl," I said to her.  "That way she can be as pretty as her mum... and well protected from her dad."

I blushed at his comment and tried to hide it from him. "I have no doubt our daughter would be beautiful, but I'm not sure it's my genes that will help in that department." I replied, giving a small chuckle. "I can already picture you making sure that nothing even happens to her. Although, who's to say it won't be a boy who's as handsome as his daddy?"

I smiled slightly at that.  "I dunno about that... but I do enjoy the idea of a mini version of a Matthews-Malfoy," I said, my smile turning more into a smirk.  "I think it'd be the perfect combination of smarts and ambition."  That was the nicest way I could say anything about the malfoys.

I laughed at his description of the Malfoy half of our child. "Ambitious, that's one way to put it." I looked over at him with a smile. "For everyone's sake, I hopes it's more Matthews then Malfoy." I looked down, put a hand on my stomach and smiled. "This is a good thing.?" I tried to more state than ask but it came out as more of a question than I intended. I took a deep breath and nodded. "It's a good thing. We'll figure everything out. Somehow."