Take my hand and we'll make it I swear - early 1999

"Because deep down you know you truly deserve one and to be happy," I said, giving her a look.  I knew that she would argue, but I would spend my life convincing her of that.

Draco and Lincoln kept saying things like that, and sometimes, I almost believed them. But then, everything Father would say to me when I came to the Malfoy Manor for holidays came to the front of my mind and I knew I would never believe what they told me. It was just easier for everyone that way, that I remembered who I was and what I was to everyone. I shook my head slightly. "I don't deserve either. I'm just the Disappointment." I informed him simply. "Even if I did deserve to be happy, I don't need a real wedding to do that. All I need are you and our baby, safe and away from my Father. And Draco's family safe and protected as well."

"It's not your job to protect everyone from your father, mind you," I pointed out.  "Draco is fully capable of doing that for Pansy and the twins.  And you need not worry about me... we both know what i can handle and survive."  There was only slight bitterness in my voice when I spoke about that.  What kind of man would I have become if it had nto been for the Lupins or Austin?  They really were the only ones that helped me stay sane throughout the years.

I sighed. "It's always been my job to protect Draco, just like it's always been his job to protect me." I took a few shaky breaths to prevent the tears from falling again. "It's in my nature to protect the people I love." I gave him a small smile. "I know what you can handle and I won't let that happen to you again." I shook my head. "I won't let that happen to any of you." I looked down and my smile widened slightly. "Including our baby."

I laughed slightly.  "I'm glad it's in you rnature... I would hate to have to do all the protecting on my own," I said, a smile playing at my lips.

"But I can't help protect anyone now." I said sadly with a sigh. "How can I do that without risking something happening to our baby?" I sighed as a few tears escaped down my cheeks. "I have to make sure everyone safe and okay. I just don't know what to do."

I tried not to roll my eyes slightly.  "June, it's not your job to protect everyone.  Not now... you just have to make sure you two are healthy," I said softly.

"But what would I do if anything ever happened to you?" I replied softly. I sighed as I shook my head and and looked at him. "You and our baby. Draco, Pansy, Ian and Keegan. They all have to be okay. What if something happened to them because I couldn't protect you all?"

I fought hard to roll my eyes.  "Draco and his family are not yours to protect anymore," I pointed out to her as nicely and gently as I could.  "I know I've said this before... but you two are not hte same person.  I understand more than you may realize how much you want to protect your brother and his family," I said, automatically thinking of my little brother who I failed to protect, "but at one point you have to end up becoming your own people.  And, now that you both have families of your own, it's that time."

"Father made us two half's of a whole, Draco the prefect one and me the disappointment. We balanced each other out." I explained simply. "Draco and I have been protecting each other ever since I can remember, probably since we were born." I informed with a sigh. "You won't be able to convince us of anything else very easily." I knew Draco was capable of protecting Pansy and the twins but I was the one who's life was worth the least. I was the one who used to be able to die to protect the ones I loved. I could not do that anymore until the baby was born. I had to protect my little boy or girl as well.

I nodded at her.  "Trust me, I understand that," I assured her.  "But June, even Draco has to admit it, you were never one to be sacrificed or anything like that in able to protect him or the twins or Pansy -- or even me," I added.

I took a shaky breath and gave him a fake glare. "You're as bad as Draco at reading my mind." I informed him with a slight laugh. I sighed, "That's what I was able to do though, it was my part in everything. When you and Pansy ran away for that week when Draco and I took the Mark, that was my plan. You had a great job and helped kids get out of horrible situations. Draco was going to be a father and his children deserved to met him. Pansy was pregnant." I explained. "My life was worth the least. I didn't have a job, or someone who loved me, or that I thought would love me with what I was forced to become." I knew he would probably argue with me about all of this. "I was the one who could sacrifice herself so everyone she cares about could be safe."

That hurt slightly.  "June... you've always had someone who has loved you.  Between your brother and I... don't say that again," I said softly.  I knew that was what Juniper always believed, but still.  She always had Draco her entire life and now there was me.

I sighed, as I looked up at him. "I know but, I was being forced to become a Death Eater. I didn't want to think you would care about me once you found out. It was better for me to believe that you would hate me and never want to see me agin than to think that you could possibly care about me after everything." I explained, tears falling down my cheeks. "It's the whole build myself up to be broken down thing. It didn't take me long to think all of that could be true." I continued softly. "I know I shouldn't have but," I looked into his eyes as I sighed. "It's just the way I think." I finished softly.

I kissed her forehead gently.  "I know," I said to her quietly.  "I understand all of that completely..."