Take my hand and we'll make it I swear - early 1999

I could not help but chuckle, knowing she would probably not agree with me that I should be doing such a thing.  I got her a glass of water and handed it to her.  "I understand," I said, knowing how things went with her family to a point.  If Draco did not have his own family, I was sure she would tell him right away.  But she had to think of Pansy and the twins in addition to Draco.  I looked at her.  "When was the last time you ate something?  It might help," I suggested, though I really had no idea.  I was definitely going to have to read up on this stuff.  I wanted her to focus her energy on not worrying about me, Draco, or anyone else but herself at the moment, so  I was tryign to distract her.

I smiled weakly at him and took the glass of water he offered. I took small sips to get rid of the taste in my mouth, happy that he understood where I was coming form. "I really don't want to tell anyone. Ever." I admitted, but I knew that was an impossible task. It wasn't only Draco I was worried about, they could still use Pansy and the twins against Draco and I and it would be so much easer if no one knew. Especially when I couldn't protect them this time. "I can't risk certain people finding out." I shuddered at the thought of what Father might do if he ever found out the disappointment was pregnant. He had to make sure his family was perfect in his eyes, even if our baby would never have the last name Malfoy. I shook my head to clear it, Lincoln had asked about food. "I ate last night." I replied, knowing he would probably try to get me to eat something right now. I had just had some wizard mix that we had gotten at Honeydukes, definitely not enough the sustain me. But I had just found out about the baby and was too nervous about everything to eat much. I felt the same way now, even thought I was hungry. "I'm fine though." I shrugged, hoping to brush it off but knowing Lincoln probably wouldn't let me.

I shook my head at her.  "How can I go off to work without making sure that you haven't at least tried to eat anthing?" I asked her walking over to what I had on the table.  I grabbed just a piece of toast.  "Just try something small like this first.  Humor me," I added, knowing that she would most likely resist.

I grunted half-heartedly, "Why are you so difficult for me to convince that I'm okay?" I asked, only slightly joking. I was a bit hungry, but I was too nervous to really think about eating anything. I felt like it would not end well if I put anything in my mouth. I took the piece of toast from him and held it up in the air as I spoke. "If I eat this, I'm probably going to throw up again sometime, maybe, and are you prepared to deal with that? I don't think so." I tried to remain as serious as I could but broke down laughing too soon to achieve the desired effect. Maybe the hormones were affecting me already but honestly, I just wanted to distract him from force feeding me. I knew it would probably be pointless. I had to try though, it was usually the only thing I could do I'm these situations.

"Because I know better," I answered, giving her a pointed look.  I refilled my coffee because I knew I was going to be needing it for the long day ahead of me.  "I can deal with more than you may think," I added with a smile, wanting her to at least attempt to eat something.  "And if that doesn't work... we can try anything else.  I'm sure you'll be having crazy cravings that I'll have to appease along the line..."

I rolled my eyes slightly, "Just because I crave something doesn't mean I'll keep it down any better." I pointed out, raising my eyebrow slightly. I looked at the toast and back up at him as I took a bite, realizing I was fighting a losing battle. It did taste good, and I wanted to eat the rest right away, but I would have to force myself to take small bites. Not only would eating it too quickly increase the chance if it coming back up again, but I didn't want to give Lincoln the satisfaction of being right. "Happy?" I asked.

I knew that she was just being a little bit of a smart aleck, but I was still happy to see that she was attempting to eat something.  I smirked at her.  "Yes, I am happy," I told her, taking a drink of my coffee.  "I know that you might not want to always eat, but you need sustenance."

I rolled my eyes at him. "I just don't want to eat because I don't want to throw up. I feel gross and I don't want you to have to see that." I took another bite of toast, my stomach seemed to be settling down a bit, maybe Lincoln was right about eating. I shook my head to clear it. "I think I should apologize now for everything that'll happen between now and the baby being born. I can only imagine what the hormones will do to me." I really wanted to apologize for what might happened to us when Father found out but I wanted to lighten the mood. Between that and wondering what kind of mother I would be, I wasn't sure what would become of everything. I took a shaky breath to calm myself down.

I merely smiled and chuckled slgihtly.  "You don't need to apologize in advance for anything," I told her.  "If you haven't scared me off by now... hormones from a pregnancy won't do anything."  I was hoping to elicit a smile from her.  I knew that there were unsaid worries that we both were having, but we needed to try to see the good out of all of this, too.

I gave a small laugh. Having looked down at my stomach as he spoke, I brushed a stray piece of hair behind my ear as I looked back up at him with a smile. "I guess that's true." I thought of everything we had been through and all the times he had been there for me. "You've always been there for me, I can never thank you enough for everything you've done." I wrapped my arms around my waist. "We'll get through this. I won't let anything happen to our baby." That's what a true mother would do. I knew our Mother didn't really have a choice over what happened to Draco and I and did her best to warn us if she could, but I vowed to do more then that. I would die to protect the little life I had inside me. I just couldn't do that quite yet. And I had to accept that. "It may not just be the hormone I want to apologize for." I admitted softly.

I moved closer to her and put my hand on her shoulder, kissing her forehead.  "I know," I replied just as quietly.  I knew how her family was.  "But I won't let anything happen to either one of you."  I wanted her to believe me when I said that.  There was no way I would not protect her or our baby from her father.

I took a step back and shook my head. "I know, but that'll just end in you getting hurt." I could only image what Father would do to either one of us, me for becoming pregnant and Lincoln for standing in his way of hurting me and the baby. I shook my head to clear the mental images that came up. "That wouldn't do the baby or I any good." I pointed out. How would I raise the baby without Lincoln? How would I live on my own? Where would I go? There were do many questions and scenarios running through my mind I started shaking slightly. What was going to happen now?

"What makes you think I'll end up getting hurt?  It may not come down to that," I said, though I knew that was a lie.  With the Malfoys, it always seemed to come down to that.

"You and I both know it will. There's no use kidding ourselves otherwise." I shook my head slight and looked up at him. "Something bad will happen, it always does after something good to Draco and I." I reminded him sadly.

I gave Juniper a kiss on the forehead lightly.  "It won't always be like that, though," I said to her.  I would try to change that -- for both of them, really.  I did not want every good thing to be followed by something bad... or just them waiting for the other foot to drop.  I was not okay with that.