Change Isn't Always a Good Thing Fall 1996 (DONE)

I shook my head, not wanting to say it aloud again. "I mean, she hasn't been the same since losing the baby," I explained, "but I don't think anyone would begrudge her that. I've been trying to help her... but she said she doesn't want to bring me down with her while she tried to find herself again. And then," I continued, getting angry all over again, "she claimed I didn't love that baby or wasn't as attached to it as she was! Remus, I had names picked out for it. We didn't know the gender, but I had that covered, too. How could she say that?! I'm afraid I lost my temper with that one... I don't want to lose her, though. I love her with all my heart, Remus... but what if I did truly lose her and I can't ge ther back?" I looked through my watery eyes at him, hoping he could at least help me somehow. The look on his face was a little pained, and that only made me feel worse.

I felt for Dean, I really did. "I know that was hard on both of you," I told him, "I could see it from a distance. And yes, I do believe that Addison needs to find a way back to herself -- though, keep in mind, it will be different for her with all that has changed. She needs to find herself, but she won't be the same. And it appears that she might not realize that herself, yet." I folded my hands onto my desk and leaned forward slightly. "Dean, I think she's hurting. Which means that she will say things to hurt you -- whether on purpose or not, I cannot say. I wasn't there... I didn't see the way she looked. I will not speak for her, either." I sighed. I wasn't sure what all I could say for him... I couldn't change what happened and I knew that little of what I said would make Dean feel better. "Have you thought about what you're going to do about it?"

I slouched back into the chair and shook my head. "I mean, I'd love to fight for her... but I just don't know if I can do it. I feel like I've been teh only one fighting for this relationship since we lost the baby," I confided. "How long can I fight? I love her, I really do. But is it fair that I keep fighting for her if she's already decided to let me go? Shouldn't I just let her move on or do whatever?"

"Well, you're uncle fought for your Aunt Lily for years. Granted, he still got around... but somehow he got her," I said, smiling remembering those days. "I think every relationship you have to -- not necessarily fight for -- but at least work for. Perhaps it may be best to keep your distance. But don't play games with her... like forcing yourself to move on and date other girls just to make her jealous," I said, raising my eyebrows at him because he seemed the type to do that. "But don't not move on if you feel like you're able to just to avoid making her jealous. Get what I'm attempting to say?" I asked, sure that I was being slightly cryptic and confusing.

I couldn't help but chuckle a little bit. "I think so," I said. "Basically move on if I'm able to but don't do it just to be a prick or to make Addie jealous. And also do force myself to do it just because she may be moving on without me. Right?" I asked, a slight smile coming to my face despite my circumstance. I mean... it sucked. That girl was my life. But I guess Remus was right in the fact that I shouldn't play games and probably should keep my distance for a little bit. Get a little bit of insight on everything and not make any rash decisions just because I was hurting. I mean, he didnt' really say all that, but he didnt' need to. I understood.

"Pretty much in a nut shell," I agreed. "I don't want you to hesitate to tell me anything else. I feel like I see something in your eyes that you aren't telling me. And if you don't want to, dont' feel pressured. I just want to make sure that you're okay." His eyes still looked pained adn like there was something he wanted to add. But I wasn't sure if he felt like he could confide in me everything.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Well... it's just that..." I looked away from Remus for a moment to pull myself together. My gaze returned to his, who was watching me carefully yet patiently at the same time. That was what I loved about Remus... I didnt' need to rush into telling him anything. He would let me take my time. "I know it's probably foolish and too soon and everything else... but with the prospect of having a baby, I felt like I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. I never got a chance to do it -- obviously, or we might still be together. Or it'd make it all worse..." I sighed again. "Anyways, I got a ring. I was going to propose to her, Remus... I didn't have the whole night planned out or anything... but... that's how much I loved her. That's why it's so hard for me right now to just think about letting her walk away from me."

Okay, I had to admit, that surprised me. I couldn't say anything about finding the right one that young or anything -- I mean, look at all of us. Ember and Siruis had Dean really young... I mean, we were all pretty much barely adults before we got married or anything else. So that wasn't what got me... it was just the fact that he had it in mind. You don't see that with kids nowadays. "The best advice I can give you, Dean, is to just take it minute by minute right now. There's really no easy way through any of this, as much as I hate to say it," I told him, reachign across the desk to put a hand on his arm comfortingly. "But taking it minute by minute will soon turn into taking it day by day and so on. It will be hard... but you're not alone. You can always come talk to me. And you have friends and yoru parents will always be on your side to support you, Dean. Don't think you're alone."

I looked at him, tears comign to my eyes again. "I know," I said quietly, I couldn't believe my voice was barely audible. I looked down at my hands. "I guess... I guess I'm just going to have to try to move past this somehow."

I looked athim. "Dean, are you going to be alright?" I asked. I wasn't sure he would be. But I figured I would just have to keep my eye on him.

I tried to put a reassuring smile on my face. "Oh... yeah, I'll be fine," I said, pushing my feelings down. I didn't need to deal with anything right this second. I would get pass this... I needed to. Addie wanted to move on? Well, I am my father's son. I could move on, too. There was no reason I couldn't. I looked at Remus again and said, "Thanks for listening... but I'm gonna go. Got some homework to do... essays to write. You know." I stood up and gave him a hug before leaving his office.