She's left a lot of things she'd rather not mention right now -- Summer 1991

Desdemona and I were out shopping in the streets of London.  I looked over at my teenage daughter and sighed.  "Honey, you're positive you want to switch schools again?" I questioned.  She was getting old enough to make the decision for herself.  I was worried what she would think.  She knew that I had a son and another family; she just never really understood why I hardly spoke of them.  I was figuring she thought I hated them or left them or something.  I wanted to tell her everything because I knew that Remus was a professor at Hogwarts.  I was so proud of him.  He was unaware that I knew this, however.  

My hand started rubbing my neck where scars have faded to thin lines where he had attacked me.  He nearly ripped my throat out if John had not come to my aid.  But then my two boys were gone.  I knew Remus ran away... John assured me he would bring him home... but neither one of them came back.

I looked over at Mum and shrugged.  "It's not a big deal, really," I said slowly, though I was not entirely sure why it was a big deal all o fa sudden.  They never cared about me switching schools before.  "Besides, Hogwarts is supposed to be really good, right?  So I want to go there and get an idea of what it's all about."  I adjusted my purse strap and looked over at Mum.  "Does this have anything to do with... him?" 

I knew more than I led on.  I knew about her other family... I had seen pictures in a trunk in the attic.  That was where I found the necklace I always wore.  It let me know Mum was close to me, but I had been surprised when she let me keep it.  That day in the attic had been interesting.  It was a new home and Mum was shocked that i found the trunk.  Tears had welled in her eyes, but she did not yell.  She merely put everything away and put the necklace around my neck.  She never answered any questions about it, though.

I sighed and smiled at my young daughter.  "I'm afraid it does," I responded truthfully.  "And it is far beyond time you knew about your brother."  Just thinking about it brought pain.  I was not entirely sure if this was a wise idea, but she needed to know who her family was.

I could not believe that I was finally hearing about him.  I could not remember his name, though, not that Mum mentioned it much anyways.  "Okay," I said slowly, unsure of what to be prepared for.  "Why don't you ever, ever speak of them...?"

"Because it hurts to much," I told Desdemona honestly.  "Things have not been the best between me and Remus -- that's my son's name."  I smiled slightly at my daughter.  "I'm not entirely sure if he'll even want to speak to you if he knows who you are.  I last saw him at his father's funeral... but things still are just not okay.  I doubt they ever will be."

I was surprised that Mum was being honest with me.  I took a deep breath.  "So what you're saying is you don't want me to say anything to my half-brother," I said to her slowly.  I did not think that was fair at all.  Mum and I rarely saw eye to eye on things -- I barely saw eye to eye with anyone in my family -- but this was a little ridiculous.  I wanted to meet my brother.  Then I saw Mum's half smile. "What?  Why are you smiling a bit?  Mum... that almost makes me worried."

I smiled slightly when Desdemona automatically jumped to that conclusion.  "Quite the contrary," I said to her gently.  "I want you to do whatever it is you decide.  This is solely your choice.  But just take caution... Remus is still afraid of certain aspects and is wary.  I do not blame him after what I have personally seen and done."  I sighed, brushing my gray hair away from my face.  It was sad what had happened between us and I hoped that he would not hold it against my daughter, but one never did know.

I bit my lip.  "What all happened between you two?" I asked cautiously.  "I mean... why don't you ever see him or speak of him?"  I wanted to know as much as possible before going into the situation and school with him as a professor there.

I sighed and looked at Desdemona.  "That is a story that you might still be too young for," I said to her.  It was hard to explain what had happened between Remus and I.  "We both made mistakes and it is hard to look past them sometimes."

I looked at my mum.  "Did you see him at that funeral you went to?" I questioned, wondering if that was why my mum was being open for some reason.

I nodded. "I did," I replied quietly. "It was his father who had passed." I rubbed my neck where my scars, though faded, were absentmindedly. "It wasn't as bad as what it could have been... however, it wasn't the most pleasant, either." I looked at my daughter and smiled kindly at her. "He is a wonderful man, though. If you are able to make a connection and relationship with him... that would be nice. I'm sorry I never told you about Remus. It's just so difficult."