It's my life it's now or never---December 15th

It was another joyous occassion where my family had all come together to talk about how horrible muggles were and how the dark lord is coming to power and how we all have to be apart of this. I couldn't believe I had to be apart of a conversation in which I had wanted nothing to do with. But yet, here I was being forced to listen to them tearing away pretty much the people I classified as my actual caring family. I looked around the room as everyone seemed to be vividly in the conversation. I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair. I felt exhausted and having said things I shouldn't have said before I just sat there with my mouth shut. Better not to give my actual opinion on matters knowing I would just end up at James' in a few weeks anyway.

"... And Dumbledore, this old fool, has let in so many mudbloods and halfbreeds in school, father, it is ridiculous!!!" Spoke Bella with a glass of wine in her hand, "We have one particularly annoying one, her name is Evals, Lily Evans... Sirius's friend, that blood traitor James is smitten by her... " She narrowed her eyes at her cousin before continuing, "Potters, dirty lot... Father, you should have seen Jame's hair... I think they ran out of shampoo at their manor... The boy has no idea about a proper hygiene..." She smirked watching her father laugh.

I felt my skin beginning to crawl as my eyes narrowed to my cousin. How dare she. AHH this was hard to keep quiet. Meanwhile the other side of me laughed a little to my parents nodded. " Very well Bellatrix." They actually praised her. Wow, this is definitely not a conversation I wanted to be apart of. I don't know how much of this I can still take. Making fun of people I consider my actual family other then this one. They don't know the meaning of family or friendship. Hell, I doubt even love. They rely on someone to tell them who they are to be with. Which was ridiculous I know I have liked many girls, but I at least knew the line of sleeping around with them. I shook my head as my hatred boiled within me. Almost at my breaking point. My mother looked to me, " I still don't understand why you speak with the brat of blood traitorous parents. I cleanched my jaw as my knuckles went white. I knew as soon as I spoke I was done for. I had to bite my tongue even though I wanted to curse everyone at this bloody table. They spoke of people like they deserved to be these horribly treated beings. When most of them are ten times smarter than they are. She looked at me waiting for a response. " Not everyone has the same Values on life. " I sid simply knowing it wouldn't get me into trouble I didn't really state an opinion more of an open thought. Then again. Waiting for someone to jump on that open thought would not take long.

I laughed and rolled my eyes at my cousin.  "Oh, Sirius, you are so daft!  Obviously not everyone has the same values... but how on earth can you aline yourself with people like that?" I asked, shaking my head.  I mean... seriously.  They were so gross and more stupid than even my cousin.  I could not believe that he wanted to be with them over us.  We were the people who would go far in life... the Potters and other blood traitors, well, they were all going nowhere at all.

I stayed quiet, not wanting to say a word.  I kept a straight face, though it was entertaining that Sirius was able to defend his own personal beliefs in this house.  Granted, I disagreed with him, but I respected him for haviing his own mind.  I was not nearly as far as my parents... I could not stand Muggle-born witches or wizards... I just did not think that they should have magical blood when no one else in their family did.  And naturally Purebloods were the best because of obvious reasons.  I just had mixed feelings about how to handle the Muggle-borns.  I hated calling them Mudbloods, though.  I was not entirely into the whole torturing, but I did enjoy giving them hell with words.  I was not quite the violent person like my cousin was.  "You know... they're not entirely bad," I said, knowing that I would not get in trouble if I said anything about Muggle-born kids or blood traitors.  Mother loved me the best and no matter what I said, I could never make her angry.  I was the favorite.  "Do I agree with the fact Muggle-born kids have the right to bear magic with no magic in their blood?  No, I don't.  But then again, I'm not sure if I entirely agree with begrudging people who are respectful to their peers, either," I added.  I continued to eat, knowing that I was bound to get looks from the entire table.

I crossed my arms, and trying to stay quiet was getting harder and harder. " So it seems..." I said quietly. I need to keep my mouth shut. It seems to want to scream out loud, I don't like this at all. I was clenching my hands so hard my knuckles turned white. This tore me apart. I hated this family. Why she asked. I wonder why they treat everyone the same until proven otherwise. It made sense to me to be friendly to everyone no matter what blood type they were. For my opinion I am seen as a traitor. Makes sense I guess.

I rolled my eyes at my cousin.  "Oh, Regulus... you are so young.  Don't butt in," I said to him, giving him a condescending look.  He had no idea what he was saying.  I would have to fix that problem.  I turned to look at Sirius.  "You know what, Sirius... you think that you can get away with saying all of these traitorous things... well, you have another thing coming.  I swear that my auntie and uncle -- no offense -- take too light a punishment with you.  You really do need to be taught a lesson."  I was glaring at him from across the table.  I just wanted to smack that smirk right off of his face.  He just made my skin crawl!  One of these days I was going to do it... I just did not want a scene in front of my Uncle Orion.

I set my fork down and stared at my plate.  I knew better than to say anything back to Bellatrix, but I so wanted to.  I hated when she treated me like a child.  I was only a year younger than them.  It was ridiculous.  And there sat the rest of the family, just laughing and thinking that she was hilarious.  I wanted to look over at Sirius, to see how he was handling her... maybe even take a few of his actions as examples, but I did not want to make it seem like I was seeing if he was falling for her bait.  I knew she just wanted to start yet another argument with the family.  It was like she fed off of them or something... it was sick.  But that was Bella for you.  She had a twisted sense of humor...

I wanted to beat the crap out of her right then and there. That would make me no better than her. I sighed knowing I would get the blunt of the punishment anyway. They are to light listen dear cousin if they were too light would I constantly have to go to the Potters to stay the hell away from all of them? No I wouldn't she should mind her own god damned business. My eyes nearly bulged out of my head when Regulus gave me respect. It was definitely different. I just sent daggers across the table to Bellatrix. I needed to not say a word. There is to many people here that would take advantage while I spoke my mind. I sat at the table just wishing there was something I could voluntarily do to her. I would in a heart beat. She needed to be just one good hit to the head. More than once of course.

I rolled my eyes at both of my male counterparts.  "Look at the two of you!  Hopeless!"  I could not help but laugh madly.  I mean, honestly!  They were both so weak!  They could not even stand up to their dear cousin!  I waved at Kreacher to get things cleaned up.  "Come on, now, elf!  We should not have to tell you when to clean things up."  I glared across the table at my cousins -- Sirius in particular.  The parents all left the table so it was just us kids.  I leaned forward on my elbows.  "Come now, traitor, you have to have some comebacks in there.  At least make it a challenge for me to do this to you.  I even expected you, Reg, to stand up for yourself.  Neither one of you have a backbone!" I said, shaking my head with disgust.  I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms, just waiting to see what they could even try to think of.

I felt horrible for the way that Bellatrix was treating Kreacher.  I knew our dinners had tension with Sirius, but this was getting to the point of ridiculousness.  I looked up at Bella from staring at the table.  Normally she was kind to me... I had no idea where any of this was coming from.  I crossed my arms as I looked at her.  "I don't have a backbone?  Really, Bella?  You know exactly who I have been hanging out with lately.  You know what -- I think you know exactly who I've been speaking to and even talking about.  I believe that is exactly why you're lashing out at me.  You're jealous that I am getting attention by McAllistair, McNair, Darwin, everyone else that you want to be in league with.  You know exactly what they're doing.  They're getting me ready for when I am old enough I can easily become one of them.  And then there's you... left in the dust.  Trying your best to be noticed... but failing miserably at it," I said spitefully.  This was the first time I had uttered that I was in league with known death Eaters to anyone.  Of course Bella knew, but I tried to not say certain things around her.  I just had never said it around my family before.