I close my eyes tightly, hold on & hope that I'm dreaming -- 1999?

I took a deep breath as I closed my eyes and allowed the tears to fall. "I don't want either of you to get hurt." I was so confused about how I felt. I wanted to be the one to be able to protect everyone, it's what Draco and I had grown up doing and now I couldn't. "What can I do to protect us now?" I opened my eyes and looked desperately at Draco. He could never understand, as much as he tried. He would always be able to protect his family, I couldn't say the same. I took a shaky breath, "I have to be able to protect us."

I wrapped my arms around her, wishing that this could be something happy to think about.  But I understood the fear and concern... I had felt it.  I had tried to be happy around Pansy, but when I was by myself... the worry consumed me.  I sighed slightly and looked down at my sister.  "First thing is... you jsut have to take care of yourself.  That is a way to protect the baby and make sure that it's all healthy in there," I said to her, smiling slightly.  "Leave the other protection to us for the time being.  If you constantly worry, that's not good for either one of you."

I took a few shaky breaths to calm myself down. Draco was right, I could protect the baby and that counted for something. "But I'm always going to be worried about you two. I'm not used to being so....helpless." I admitted softly. I liked to think that I wasn't helpless before but I knew I was now. I looked up at him. "What if something happens to you guys? I couldn't stand it if something happened to you because you were protecting us." I was so confused, I knew I needed protection right now, and for the first time in my life, I couldn't protect myself. But how could I live with myself if something happened to them because of me? "I just don't know what to do right now."

I smiled at her as reassuringly as possible.  "We can take care of ourselves in impossible situations," I explained.  "Lincoln and I have both been through horrible things and we're still standing.  We were fighting for someone we loved then, too, so I can assure you that we'll fight just as hard if not harder than before to protect you and that baby."  I knew I felt that way with the twins and Lincoln surely felt that way about his unborn child - it was a father's prerogative.  And just like he helped to protect Pansy and the babies, I would do the same for Juniper and my niece or nephew -- if not more than what Linconl had been willing to do since she was my sister.

I took a few more calming breaths before nodding. "I know you can take care of yourselves but," I shook my head slightly, "you have to promise me you'll be careful." I looked into his eyes, knowing I would find the truth in them when he responded. "You both have to be careful." I knew it was useless to try to stop them from protecting my child and I but I would be worried about then until I could protect my little baby myself. I smiled up at Draco. "Sorry for freaking out on you Draco, can I blame the hormones?"

I chuckled when seh said that.  "Of course," I assured her, smiling.  "You're pregnant... you can get away with many things now.  If you want a list, I'm sure Pansy made one up when she was pregnant with the twins."  She used that excuse on everything, but it had been acceptable.  She was carrying twins.  I expected her to be extremely moody and miserable at times.

I gave a small laugh, "I guess I'll have to talk to her about that list." The baby had been kicking a bit and I put my hand on my stomach as I looked down. "I think the baby likes you. He or she is kicking a bit, the same thing happens when Lincoln reads us a story at night." I laughed a bit harder, every night, Lincoln wanted to read to the baby, hoping his little boy or girl will recognize his voice as much as mine when they were born. I looked up at Draco, "Do you want to feel you niece or nephew kick you twin repeatedly?"

I laughed and walked to where my sister was and put a hand on her stomach.  "I am so glad someone gets to beat you up... it's been something I've been trying to do for years now," I joked, chuckling.  I was sure I would get smacked for saying that, but we needed to try to look at the positives of this scenario than worry about what could happen.  Juniper had tried to help me see the good when I announced the pregnancy with Pansy and now it was time for me to return the favor.

I gave a small laugh and playfully hit him on arm. I could point out that someone did beat me up, it just hadn't been him, but I wanted to lighten the mood as well. The baby kicked again and I placed my hand on top of Draco's "Did you feel that? He or she is saying hi." I smiled up at him, content for the moment being right where I was. I sighed and pretended to suppress a yawn, "I'm getting a bit tired now though, sorry but I should be heading back home. I don't know how Pansy did it with two babies, one at a time is enough for me." I gave another small laugh. I really was getting tired, but there was still one more place I wanted to go first and I feared Draco may protest if he knew where. I was trying to convince myself not to go. I shook my head to clear it and smiled up at him, hoping he would be too over tired to read me right now.

I smiled and leaned over to speak to the baby.  "Just so you know, I'm the best uncle anyone could have," I said, standing back up.  I would leave it at that.  I may not be fun all the time and I may not be cool, but I sure as hell was the best uncle anyone could ask for because I would fight for this child no matter what.  I looked at June and she did look rather tired -- much like myself.  "You're fine," I told her.  "I'm not sure how she did it, either... to be honest, I'm not sure how we're still doing it."  I glanced at the monitor even though I heard nothing.  I loved the twins to death, but it was always nice when they were napping.

I rolled my eyes slightly, "I would like to point out to my child that you are his or her only living uncle so....." I gave a small shrug. How I wished Austin could've lived to see his brother get married and have a baby but his parents took that away from him. Of course, our baby would know all about his or her Uncle Austin and how great he was, maybe we would even bring him or her to the cemetery to meet him, but it wouldn't be the same. I shook my head to clear it, not really liking where my thought were taking me with what I still wanted to do. I smiled, "You still doing this because you have something to fight for." I gave him a small smile, realizing how tired he looked as well. "Thanks for everything Draco. You always know what'll calm me down, but I really should get some rest." I gave him a hug. "Say hi to Pansy for me and give the the twins kisses from their Auntie and Uncle." I pulled away smiled and waved and Apparated away.

When I got to my destination I had to take a few deep breaths. Everything Draco had done to calm me down went away as I looked up at Malfoy Manor. I had never really considered it home, but I wanted to tell Mother she was expecting another grandchild. I knew she would keep it a secret, I just also knew I couldn't run into Father. I walked into the house and wanted to call out to her but I knew that wouldn't be wise. I had to be content looking around myself and figured it may give me a bit more warning if Father was home. I was just looking around the main floor when I stopped dead in my tracks. Not a foot in front of me was Fathers potions room door open slightly. He never left it open unless he was in it. I forced myself to calm my breathing again, I had to get out of here, whether Mother was here or not. I knew I couldn't disapparate now, Father would hear it, figure out it was me and hunt me down to find out why I had come. I took a few steps backwards and was just about out of ear shot of him when I hit one of the squeakiest floorboards in the house. My head shot up and my eyes widened, there was no way that Father hadn't heard that. It was too late. I had to face him. My best chance was to get away from him as soon as I could. I took a shaky breath as I heard footsteps coming to the door.

<< here we go! Let me know if I need of change anything.... >>

<< I love it! >>

I smiled at her and gave her another hug before she left.  I was not sure if she was really going home or not, she seemed slightly tense for just making a trip back to her and Lincoln's flat.  If she did not tell me, I really should not let it bother me.  It was not like I could go after her-- I was watching the twins after all.  I poured myself another cup of coffee and started to pick up around the flat.  The more I cleaned, the more I thought about my sister, and the more worried I became.  What was she up to?  I felt like I really should do something, but what could I do until Pansy got back home?

I was in the room with all of the potion ingredients, working on a project for work at the department of mysteries when I heard a noise out in the hall.  The dogs were not with us - I was rather pleased when Draco had taken Eddy with him.  The old dog was incompetent and drove me mad on most days when he was healthy.  I set down the bottle I was holding with the new mixture I had created and went to the hall, closing the door automatically behind me.  I saw my daughter and could not help but be slightly revolted by her being in the house.  My eyes flicked over her quickly.  "What do you want?" I asked her disdainfully.

I took a few shaky breaths to calm myself down, my blood ran cold from nervous. I wrapped my arms around my waist, foolish thinking I could protect my baby that way. "Father, how nice to see you." I was happily surprised that there was no catch in my voice. "I hope you're well." Even my baby could tell something was up, he or she had stopped kicking so much which allowed me to focus on getting us both out of here as soon as I could. "I was just looking for Mother. I had a quick question for her." I started fidgeting with Lincoln's sweater, hoping to make it cover my baby bump more. I turned a forced smile at him, hoping to distract him from my fidgeting but also hoping my smile was not a red flag. "Do you happen to know where she is?"

My eyes lingered on the way she was holding herself, not at all like I had told her to do so many times when she lived here.  "She is not home," I said.  "And I thought it was apparent that you were no longer welcomed here..."  I trailed off, taking a step towards her, a look of disgust coming to my face as I realized that what I thought was mere weight gain was indeed something more than that.  I remembered this look in Narcissa.  "However... I see that you have somehow managed to disgrace this family even more," I added.